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Original poster

Having a wobble- think parents are disappointed in my choice

299 replies

CheekyNameChange123 · 12/03/2025 16:47

Long story short DH has been offered a job abroad. Salary is 3 x what he earns here (take home as new salary is tax free). I have worked hard and have a good job here but have reached the top of my earning potential (approx £50k WTE but I work PT) whereas this new job for DH is starting £150k with a view to earning double that in 10 years.

We have decided to go for it- I will be a SAHP for a few years (we have 2 primary age kids) and then try and find some work as they get older but we can manage fine on DH salary. I know anything can happen but so far we have a great relationship, have been together 10 years and I have savings in my own name if things did go mad. Im also v employable if we ever moved back (healthcare!) so I wouldnt worry about that.

Do I just get on with it? They understand why we are going but also seem really upset that I wont be working, are obviously sad we will be living far away and overall just dont seem happy for us which is different to how I thought they would react.

OP posts:
redphonecase · 13/03/2025 06:24

CheekyNameChange123 · 13/03/2025 06:13

@Loopytiles i guess you can never know someone fully but I think he would be reasonable. He’s not doing it just for him- the income would help us all hugely and allow us to help set the kids up so much more than we could in the UK.

And if the kids hate it and want to come home, but he disagrees? You will have no say in that decision.

Original poster
CheekyNameChange123 · 13/03/2025 06:27

If the kids hated it he would definitely take their opinions into account he’s a lovely dad and part of the reason for the move is for the them- better schools, better economy, opportunity to save. Yes he could dig his heels in and be an arsehole but he’s not really like that he’s a big softie and wants us all to be happy.

OP posts:
mintchocolatecoffee · 13/03/2025 06:30

Tiswa · 12/03/2025 18:43

Have you visited? Your posts have a lot of the benefits and none of the disadavantges of being a woman there or how it will impact your children.

so yes I would be disappointed the money for me would never be enough to move there and if you wanted to I would want them to be very clear about whst it means and I am not sure you are

This. I wouldn’t go.

Loopytiles · 13/03/2025 06:33

If he is as nice as you say he will work to find a better, lower risk opportunity for ALL of you.

redphonecase · 13/03/2025 06:33

CheekyNameChange123 · 13/03/2025 06:27

If the kids hated it he would definitely take their opinions into account he’s a lovely dad and part of the reason for the move is for the them- better schools, better economy, opportunity to save. Yes he could dig his heels in and be an arsehole but he’s not really like that he’s a big softie and wants us all to be happy.

Men change. Particularly when they are in an environment when everyone is telling them that women are 2nd class citizens and that is backed up by the law.

MyOtherProfile · 13/03/2025 06:34

Go for it OP! You will make friends and you have clearly put things in place in the off chance that something goes wrong. It will be such an experience for all of you.

I have taught in a number of international schools - all have had great communities for families.

GnomeDePlume · 13/03/2025 06:36

We moved abroad when DCs were young primary and below. When we told people we got very mixed responses from family.

DPIL were excited for us and said 'go for it'. DM was horribly upset. DB 'disapproved'.

Amongst friends and colleagues there were a lot of 'would have done it but it was the wrong time for us' responses.

Do you due diligence checks. Look at costs, what does the employer pay for and what is for your account. Think about what happens after this. Most people do end up moving back after a few years (we came back after 5 years).

If you go, enjoy the experience. It does change you as a person.

Tiswa · 13/03/2025 06:39

CheekyNameChange123 · 13/03/2025 05:24

I think that’s a bit unfair- we have visited, we have friends who live there and I have done plenty of research! I understand the laws well and I do understand id be in a vulnerable position if we split. As others have said all our assets are in joint names and I have my own savings account which we will add to which gives me some security. I don’t want to make the move assuming the worst will happen though I’d hope it would work well!

Show quote history

Apologies for the visiting but that wasn’t clear

how about education - how would coming back work and the impact on university fees and being international students etc and the impact on your kids

how old are they now?

how it will work with national insurance contributions etc

what the long time plan is

SallyWD · 13/03/2025 06:40

My only thoughts are that you might feel isolated and lonely as a SAHM in a new country. I've done it myself (briefly) and found it tough.
Also is it an expensive place to live? DH was offered an £180k per year job in Zurich. This salary blew our minds but when we worked out the costs of rent, food, health insurance, bills, we realised we'd be no better off than if we stayed here.

Original poster
CheekyNameChange123 · 13/03/2025 06:41

@GnomeDePlume thats interesting do you feel changed in a good way? We are expecting lots of different responses! We are keeping our UK house and not burning bridges wirh work etc so if we ever wanted to come back I think we would be able to fairly easily. Every friend and acquaintance who’s lived abroad says to try it and they’re glad they did it!

OP posts:
NameChangedOfc · 13/03/2025 06:42

Waterlilysunset · 12/03/2025 16:55

Love being a sahm. Yanbu

Same here 👏

It's your choice, not your parents'. You are the mother now. Enjoy the power of making your own decisions! Good luck :)

GreenFrogYellow · 13/03/2025 06:46

I think you are being very naive if you think moving your children to Abu Dhabi represents “better opportunities” for them, especially if either of them are girls.

sometimesmovingforwards · 13/03/2025 06:52

As an adult, knowing a choice disappoints your parents and doing it anyway, is just a rite of passage imo.

They love you enough to want to impart their wishes on you, hopefully coming from a place of protecting you.
But your life is yours and you’re going to do it your way.
Acting only in a way that pleases parents is to still be a child imo.

Emeraldsrock · 13/03/2025 06:52

Coming at it from a different angle. I was an expat kid and had an amazing start in life. It was only when my parents decided to bring me back to the uk for high school and my mum stayed in the uk with us that things went wrong for their relationship. Always keep your family together. The kids will have a great start in life. If you are in health care in a clinical job you will always be able to get work and it makes no odds having a career break in the long run. Careers plateu in the nhs and their really is very little potential to go higher than 50K. Mumsnet hates Dubai and Abu Dhabi so there is a bias there. As long are you are married you are entitled to half his pension anyway. Just make sure you keep your home in the uk and never buy in the Middle East.

the80sweregreat · 13/03/2025 06:53

I moved around in the past with young children for dh's job years ago ( Europe and the uk ) and it wasn't too bad although I didn't really enjoy the Europe experience that much but the children did.
It sounds as if you're feeling positive about it all though and you may kick yourself if you don't give it a go.

redphonecase · 13/03/2025 06:55

GreenFrogYellow · 13/03/2025 06:46

I think you are being very naive if you think moving your children to Abu Dhabi represents “better opportunities” for them, especially if either of them are girls.

This.

redphonecase · 13/03/2025 06:56

Emeraldsrock · 13/03/2025 06:52

Coming at it from a different angle. I was an expat kid and had an amazing start in life. It was only when my parents decided to bring me back to the uk for high school and my mum stayed in the uk with us that things went wrong for their relationship. Always keep your family together. The kids will have a great start in life. If you are in health care in a clinical job you will always be able to get work and it makes no odds having a career break in the long run. Careers plateu in the nhs and their really is very little potential to go higher than 50K. Mumsnet hates Dubai and Abu Dhabi so there is a bias there. As long are you are married you are entitled to half his pension anyway. Just make sure you keep your home in the uk and never buy in the Middle East.

Not much point in her base at home if she can't get her kids out of the ME.

Crazybaby123 · 13/03/2025 06:56

You can always see how it goes and go to work once evertone is settled. It will be a big move so good one parent will be around more. If after 6 months you want to get back to work then surely you can look at things then. Are you moving to the middle east? You might find you want two incomes anyway, 150k tax free is great but average lifestyle over there and you might want more disposable income anyway.

Wobblemonster · 13/03/2025 06:58

It’s not somewhere I would move as a woman and it’s definitely not somewhere I would raise my children, especially if they were girls.

TryOnATeaCosy · 13/03/2025 06:59

Make sure he pays into your pension. Nobody ever expects their lovely marriage to derail and it’s important to safeguard your own future, including the ‘worst case scenario’ situation.

Emeraldsrock · 13/03/2025 06:59

I was suggesting that she rent her house. Don’t sell your property as you can be priced out of the uk property market in a few short years and the Middle East will always be temporary. Would never take the risk of buying property over there.

TeamGeriatric · 13/03/2025 07:00

Whilst it's natural for your parents to be disappointed that you are moving, they should be hiding it better. I've been the child that moved abroad, firstly to Japan for work and then I moved to Australia for a man (my now husband), my parents were supportive of all those moves. They came to visit us, we came to visit them, all was fine when they were in their 60s, obviously they start to age and my step-Dad died unexpectedly. We eventually moved to the UK, but now my husband is the one with aging parents a 24 hour flight away. That stage is definitely trickier. I would definitely go for it in your shoes, maximise those extra earnings, it doesn't have to be a forever choice. I am also another who enjoyed being a SAHM, I have recently returned to a permanent job and slid back in to the workforce no issues, many of my peers have obviously climbed the career ladder in the 13 years I was out of the industry, and I am currently more junior than them now, but that's to be expected.

RitaAndFrank · 13/03/2025 07:01

I know two families that have done it. One where the wife has kept working and has built up a very respectable career of her own, and one where the wife gave up work but they pre-agreed that it would be a temporary measure that was to last five years just for the experience - and money - while the kids were very young. They stuck to the plan and moved back to the UK.

Somehowgirl · 13/03/2025 07:01

There's no salary that would convince my husband to want to move there.

Absolutely not.

Radiatorvalves · 13/03/2025 07:07

I’ve been to AD for work (not lived there) and have friends who do live there and who have raised a family there.

Not what Mumsnet likes to say but if the figures add up I’d go for it for a year or 2. My reservation would be the cost of living out there. Housing is expensive if it’s not covered by the employer. And a trip to Spinneys (supermarket) was eye popping expensive.

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