Having a wobble- think parents are disappointed in my choice

[CheekyNameChange123]

Long story short DH has been offered a job abroad. Salary is 3 x what he earns here (take home as new salary is tax free). I have worked hard and have a good job here but have reached the top of my earning potential (approx £50k WTE but I work PT) whereas this new job for DH is starting £150k with a view to earning double that in 10 years.

We have decided to go for it- I will be a SAHP for a few years (we have 2 primary age kids) and then try and find some work as they get older but we can manage fine on DH salary. I know anything can happen but so far we have a great relationship, have been together 10 years and I have savings in my own name if things did go mad. Im also v employable if we ever moved back (healthcare!) so I wouldnt worry about that.

Do I just get on with it? They understand why we are going but also seem really upset that I wont be working, are obviously sad we will be living far away and overall just dont seem happy for us which is different to how I thought they would react.

Not really- basically your visa is an employment visa ( unless you qualify for an investment visa) so generally if you stop working for your sponsoring employer due to ill health you have to leave.

I think in your shoes I would strongly consider going but with certain caveats:

only if kids are lower primary not upper primary ie about to hit secondary transfer

I would say to DH it’s for 2 years max unless I am having a great time and agree to longer - rather than the more woolly “we’ll review”

I would want to have visited Abu Dhabi first before agreeing, and have seen the likely area you’d live, schools etc. Have you? Because it’s a very marmite place IMO

Also have you checked rental prices and other COL - rentals in Dubai are insanely high, I don’t know about Abu Dhabi, so you’d want to be sure rent wasn’t going to eat up DH extra earnings.

Totally agree @Gardenyear

Ultimately, even if you get the finances sorted you could be faced with a situation where you're stuck there because you can't come home without the children and they can't leave.

I'm sure you think DH wouldn't do that to you and hopefully he won't, but when his choice is to let you take them without him or vastly reduce his lifestyle by returning to UK....?

Also - yes to savings in OP’s name but no point in paying into a pension as you don’t get the tax break as a non UK resident even if you have other sources of uk income other than from employment. You

Not if it's her choice.

Wow, so the ops parents are going to miss her and grandchildren and are worried in case anything goes wrong with her relationship and that’s your reply!
I would be really sad if my adult DC’s moved abroad and I couldn’t see them on a regular basis. Fortunately they are lovely young women like the op so wouldn’t say fuck you to me.

Medical training doesn’t always transfer directly from one country to another, so you could be faced with retraining if you started working there.

I think you should go. It's great opportunity. Your parents are probably just going to miss you and the kids and probably aren't as enthusiastic as they are seeing it as a negative (for them).

It's only 7.5hours to London. (I currently live almost double that away from my family)

Then she needs a bigger savings pot to match his saving+ pension as if they divorce in UAE they will walk away with any assets that are in their respective names. So if he has a pension worth £500 and hers is £100k he will walk away with £400k more than her.

I'd be sad if they moved abroad, but in most cases I'd give myself a talking to and be pleased for their opportunity.

I'd really struggle to see beyond potential disaster if my daughter was going to be completely dependent on a man in UAE and was taking children with her, no matter how lovely he seems. TBH I'd also be wondering why he would want to take his wife and children to live in that kind of regime.

Thanks all. Yeah my parents would definitely visit they’re only late sixties and fit and healthy! We would come back for the summer hols each year as well I think. We would rent our UK home out initially to test the waters too.

I understand the hesitation from you all and my parents! It’s only those wiser and more experienced sharing their views so I don’t want to disregard them however I also have always wanted to live abroad and this feels like our best chance at it!

Yes, and she’ll most likely have to be able to speak Arabic too in order to work there as many people there can’t speak English.

@CheekyNameChange123

It’s only those wiser and more experienced sharing their views

Sometimes you need to take these views with a pinch of salt. Particularly from those who haven't travelled much and only go off the bad points they see on the TV and on the news.

It's a big world out there - positives and negatives about living in all countries.

I think you should do it.

That's a great idea!! A lot of countries expect less skill but pay more.
So if you're a midwife for example, you could work as a maternity assistant abroad and be paid the same you get here in UK.
Australia and Canada for example.

I lived in the Gulf for 9 years, both on my own & with a partner. I loved it. I felt generally much safer there than in the UK (eg. - out running on my own - no catcalls, insults or kerb crawlers) and as long as you are not behaving like an idiot you are not going to get any attention from the police.
Your relationship stands much more of a chance if you are there with your partner - people absolutely fling themselves at high earning expats who have left their partners at home. Even the most resolute and faithful ones tended to stray eventually.

UAE is awash with Uk trained healthcare professionals and yes, most people can speak English, especially those who can afford private healthcare which is where the OP would be working. There’s no language requirement. Just need to register and sometimes do an exam ( in English).

I agree that there are some great countries to move to, I just don’t think UAE is one of those for a Western woman. Especially as she won’t be able to work in healthcare unless she speaks Arabic. She will be too dependent on her husband and he will have all the privileges of being a man in a way that we are not used to in Europe.

@Mauro711 where are you getting that from? You can 100% work in healthcare in Abu Dhabi without speaking Arabic. Only 20% of the Abu Dhabi population are even Emirati.

I know several people who have moved to Dubai, all of them for their husbands jobs (mostly teachers). Well all of them are having the time of their lives! One couple have even ended up buying a house there and have no plans to return to the UK. One of their children was born over there, and the wife got a very good job after a couple of years being a sahm. All of them have made lots of friends, and it appears there is never a dull moment! There is soo much to do and all the children do a host of sports and activities and absolutely love their school. I would go in a heartbeat if I could! From what I've seen of the people I know you will have an amazing time!

"Abroad" is big place. Have you really done your research or are you blinded by £££ and sunshine?

Why would you want to raise your children somewhere domestic violence is legal, women need permission from their guardian (usually husband or father) to work, and mothers only have any rights to their children up to age 11 for boys and 13 for girls?

Also you didn't answer, is DH making sure all your joint assets are 50% in your name?

You know it’s unbearably hot there for almost half the year right?

Maybe it has changed but that was the case about 10 years ago when my friend’s husband got a job in Al Ain. She ended up not going with him because she couldn’t work as a nurse there without speaking Arabic.

Can you not find a job on the visa?

How well do you know the UAE?

We have spent a great deal of time there, and I think you might struggle. Quite apart from the lack of equality, it’s actually quite a boring place to live, and very very hot. It really does have its limits culturally and socially op. The compounds can feel like prisons and although it’s clean and safe, you will find it stifling compared to the U.K.

How old are your children? I just wouldn’t uproot my whole life and my dc for this option, no.