Having a wobble- think parents are disappointed in my choice

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Long story short DH has been offered a job abroad. Salary is 3 x what he earns here (take home as new salary is tax free). I have worked hard and have a good job here but have reached the top of my earning potential (approx £50k WTE but I work PT) whereas this new job for DH is starting £150k with a view to earning double that in 10 years.

We have decided to go for it- I will be a SAHP for a few years (we have 2 primary age kids) and then try and find some work as they get older but we can manage fine on DH salary. I know anything can happen but so far we have a great relationship, have been together 10 years and I have savings in my own name if things did go mad. Im also v employable if we ever moved back (healthcare!) so I wouldnt worry about that.

Do I just get on with it? They understand why we are going but also seem really upset that I wont be working, are obviously sad we will be living far away and overall just dont seem happy for us which is different to how I thought they would react.

Just a couple of comments from me, sorry have not been able to read all the posts so I apologies if you've written about some of them earlier.
I agree with others that it may not be easy to pick up your work again when you come home. You could either be in a less good job than you are at the moment or be a SAHM for a long time, with less good prospects when you are free of childcare responsibilities.
The other thing is that we have known many people who have worked overseas, mostly in the Middle East, and it is very important to save as much as you can whilst you are there or there is little point in going, particularly if you are not working yourself. It's very expensive to live in many of these places and you might end up coming back no better off than when you left. Your own earning power may be permanently reduced.
I'm assuming that you own your own home and it's essential that you keep it whilst you are living abroad, otherwise you may not be able to afford to buy a decent house when you get back. You should be able to let your home on a fixed term lease and may have to pay higher mortgage charges.

We didn’t live our expat lives by what might happen. We left the UK with a strong marriage in place when the kids were small and came back to the UK twenty years later (five different countries) with an equally strong marriage and an abundance of memories and debt free. Always kept our property in the UK and bought a couple of additional ones.
A couple of expat friend’s marriages did sadly break up along the way but the divorce rate was much lower than the UK.
We both retired early and still travel to AD to visit friends that have lived there for 20+ years with husbands and wives in good careers.

And it's great that it worked out for you. But 50% of marriages end in divorce, and you'd think that the stress of a move abroad might increase that percentage. It's a massive risk for her, and no risk for him.

You're still projecting 😉

Not projecting.

If that poster is, then you are equally guilty with your 50-50 rose tinted glasses because you happened to be one of the lucky ones.

It's called realism.

The one thing I don’t regret in my life is the time (total 20 years) I spent living and working abroad. 17 of them were as an “expat” living in rented accommodation, kids in international schools etc.

Sometimes it was hard, a massive cultural mind bend, but my god so enriching. Go for it. I had expat friends who moved to AD and they loved it, plus it’s not that far away TBH.

You need to make sure his expat package is good. Ideally it should be salary, plus accommodation, plus school fees. If you are lucky a club and flights back home. If it is this, you can save a lot. We came back and bought a house outright by making sure we saved as well as had a good time.

Ignore family. They just don’t want you to not be available to them. They can come and stay and enjoy the lifestyle and culture. You won’t be able to get rid of them.

Lots of marriages fail. Most of my expat friends are still together, stronger for the experience.

One of my favourite things about being an expat was how my DC got to be friends with such diverse people. I remember looking around at a party and my son’s best friend was from India, his other friend was half Egyptian, half Swedish, another from Azerbaijan, American, Aussie, Norwegian. It was just brilliant to have friends from all over the world.

Just to add, please pay into your state pension whilst you are away. You may stay there a long time. Keep the contributions up to date and make your DH pay into a private pension for you too. I’m now playing catchup with my state pension. Also keep an eye on your DC’s education. Get them extra maths lessons and make sure their reading is ahead. Mine had to catch up when they came back as international schools are pretty laid back.

Go for it. Ignore the naysayers. It’ll be a great experience.

Just make sure you’ve done the sums, half your income will go on accommodation and school fees.

Food, utilities and healthcare can all be expensive and you’ll have costs there that you don’t have at home (travel home for a start).

Same here. Spent 20 years overseas with kids in tow. 5 postings. Mine always went to British schools including AD and did very well educationally. I kept all my UK pension contributions up to date and we saved all my earnings. I also had NHS and teaching pensions to come back to.
Too many naysayers on here because I assume they never left their village.

Most Expat contracts come with rent and schooling including. We also had two company cars and enough to pay a daily helper (not live in), so that I could go back to work. All cleaning and house work taken care off. Weekends were ours to enjoy as a family, play sports and socialise.
If contracts are not including all of the above, the salaries are usually high enough to cover all. . It is then up to the expats to decide how they want to spend their substantial salaries.

the generous all inclusive packages are more and more rare nowadays. Many even high level specialists get nothing extra. So OP really needs to do her sums. 150K plus rent, schooling and flights home is clearly a different ballpark compared to simply 150K.

They have changed and some companies don’t even move families now and try to get by with less qualified younger expats. The countries I’ve lived in have pretty much stepped up and also got their own people better educated. In the UAE there is a program of Emeratisation so quite a few jobs are being done by locals now or well qualified professionals from India and the Phillipines as they are less demanding salary wise

I am sorry but why does moving mean you have to be a SAHM? I am confused - why can’t you work?

She can…if she chooses to….rtft

My friend and colleague has worked there. You almost have no rights even as a working ex pat. She was in education and even the parents could get you sacked just for being a good teacher. Check things out very carefully. You can’t just go anywhere as a female and you will be expected to wear modest dress/ head scarfe when out and about. There are expat communities but it’s a bit compound based and can be very (under the microscope).You may not have the freedom to drive or travel you imagine. You’d have to really get on with the expat community you live in. When conflict is threatened people are evacuated home as an emergency so you might have to factor in, where would you then stay until safe to go back? On the up side the air conditioning and weather is good.

You can’t just go anywhere as a female and you will be expected to wear modest dress/ head scarfe when out and about.

In Abu Dhabi? Where can't you go and where (exept for mosques) are you required to wear scarfs?

Just about to say the same thing. Cover your knees and shoulders, that's it. TBH, most long term expats are in jeans 8 months of the year 😆

What a load of tosh. That is Saudi Arabia not Abu Dhabi. Some people really need to get put a bit more and also get themselves educated 🙄

What a bunch of negative Nellies and scaremongers on here! Those posters who’ve actually lived in ME/UAE are mostly positive and saying go for it. Sounds like OP has thought it through, done research, knows people out there, visited beforehand etc so some people have been rather patronising in assuming that she’s going into this naively. I wish the OP & her family well x

Spent some time in AD and had a good mate live there with their DD as an expat. They loved it.

When I was there I went round freely with my DC and no one ever bothered me.

TBH the place I’ve felt the least safe, and worried about the safety of my DH has always been in the UK.

I’m educated and you’re rude and a bit ignorant…

I totally agree with this. We had a hard stop date of before oldest started primary school. In the end it was the only reason my husband left. He’d still be there now if we hadn’t always focused on that date. I enjoyed it for what it was but was desperate to come home after being away from family for so long. He on the other hand, loved it.

If you’re a nurse, look at becoming a corporate, defence or school nurse. That’s the only way you’ll get decent pay. Nursing in the health sector is carried out on very low salaries by immigrants from the Philippines and other very low wage countries.

I lived in the ME (including AD) for over a decade and still have a business there so I’m pretty familiar with the set up.

Less and less private companies are offering fully inclusive expat salaries and £150k whilst it may seem enormous is not going to go as far as people might think.

If the OPs DH is currently in 1/3 of that per her earliest post I’m going to guess he’s in hospitality or construction, possibly teaching. None of those sectors are offering great packages for expats except at the highest level.