Having a wobble- think parents are disappointed in my choice

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Long story short DH has been offered a job abroad. Salary is 3 x what he earns here (take home as new salary is tax free). I have worked hard and have a good job here but have reached the top of my earning potential (approx £50k WTE but I work PT) whereas this new job for DH is starting £150k with a view to earning double that in 10 years.

We have decided to go for it- I will be a SAHP for a few years (we have 2 primary age kids) and then try and find some work as they get older but we can manage fine on DH salary. I know anything can happen but so far we have a great relationship, have been together 10 years and I have savings in my own name if things did go mad. Im also v employable if we ever moved back (healthcare!) so I wouldnt worry about that.

Do I just get on with it? They understand why we are going but also seem really upset that I wont be working, are obviously sad we will be living far away and overall just dont seem happy for us which is different to how I thought they would react.

I thought you might say the Caymans or the like. No chance I would become a sahm in the Gulf.

And of course if you split up you're stuck there as won't be able to take kids home without his permission.

Are you surprised that your mum has concerns?

That's the point. This move sounds great for him and rubbish for her

Yes go for it and if you work in healthcare consider doing your conversation/updates so you can work abroad even once a month.
Even if you don't work, doing the updates means you're ready to go should you need to grab a job.

I appreciate what everyone is saying and it makes me see their point of view more. I also completely get it puts me in a more precarious position however DH and I have been together a long long time, I don’t want to not take a huge opportunity in case he has a personality transplant divorces me and then leaves me in the lurch! We have spoken about it and agreed we will review every year and if either of us (or the kids) are unhappy we would come home to the UK. I trust him as much as anyone can trust their partner- he is great and it would be such a good opportunity.

@Ughn0tryte that’s what I’m thinking get registered with the local authority when the kids are settled and pick up some bank work or do some healthcare related work to keep my hand in.

People who like their parents? My mum would be really sad if I moved abroad because she loves me and her grandchildren.

OP - unless there's backstory, they're probably just sad and worried about a big change. Give them some time with it.

How much is housing and other living costs? I know in Dubai (for example - I know you said it's Abu Dhabi) housing costs a lot more than you might expect, how much of that salary will actually be in your pocket (and yes to making sure he contributes to your pension too inc NI contributions)

Too late to edit:

In fact I wouldn't take ANY of my children to be raised in a country where homosexuality was illegal, as well as any extra marital sexual activity.
I wouldn't move there for myself either, but if it was just you you were making that decision for it would be one thing, you are making this choice for your children too.

They may be small now, but it doesn't sound like you have any particular plans to return after a set period of time? So your current plan means they will live there for the rest if their childhood and teen years, that means that is inevitably where they will form their relationships and have their families.

If you go make sure both have the same amount of savings and pension in your own names so that if divorce was to happen you are at least entitled to your half.

I was married for 20 years, thought I could trust him too but he was an absolute pig throughout our divorce, still is 3 years later and lots of shady stuff has come out since. You just never know and you can never be too careful.

Ten years is no time at all to have been together. So much changes over time so if you go you need strong protections in place.

Have any expat couples split up in the time you were there?

The man (I assume it is almost always a man) works long hours and the trailing spouse is stuck at home looking after the kids and domestic life. Is expat life a hotbed of pettiness and one-up-man-ship, with the pecking order amongst the spouses dependent on how high up or well their husbands are doing?

My imagination is running wild, sorry.

Well, it wouldn't be for me personally. I have a friend who has lived out that way for many years. She can't spend money without her husband being told. They would annoy me on its own, let alone anything else. I understand your parents have concerns. And you never know when men might get personality transplants. That's one thing I've learnt. I would never risk being stuck in a country where I couldn't leave with my children.

Are you a nurse? V easy to work in the UAE and high demand so you’re definitely not going to be stuck being a SAHM if you change your mind and childcare is v affordable.

Of course you go for it. It’s your family, you can’t rule your life based on disappointment of your parents. Make a plan to see them often face to face (eg offer to pay to fly them over), make a plan for regular video calls and go for it

A couple. A couple more when they returned home. Not more than the number of marriages I know of that have ended at home 🤷‍♀️
I didn’t see any more pettiness and one-upmanship than I see here (but I live in a small village) - people are still people wherever they live, they don’t all become bitchy and status-obsessed because they move abroad. I chose my friends quite carefully there as I do here!
Not so much domestic drudgery either as I loved to cultures where domestic help was affordable and culturally acceptable. I had more freedom to get out and explore than probably my husband did

I'm curious what happens in countries like this if someone becomes too ill/disabled to work? I assume that there is no welfare state? So you would have to insure enough or save enough to keep yourselves if that happened and to fund your own retirement.

Or would you plan to move back to Britain? Can someone just move back in a decade and claim benefits/ use the NHS? (question for the Mumsnet hive mind)

It sounds like you have made the decision to go for a year and review. Is it possible to get something in writing from your husband that would ensure you and the kids can come back to the UK even if he changes his mind and wants to stay.
Definitely look at coming back to do some bank work to keep your options open- perhaps you could agree you and the kids stay with/ near your parents in the school holidays for long enough to ensure you can keep your professional options open.
I would want him to pay a substantial sum into my U.K. bank account each month I am out there
I spent 11 months in America because my husband felt it was a good career option for him to spend a year there . We had a toddler at the time . I did get some part time work which barely covered the cost of childcare but kept my career options more open. my husband got into the habit of expecting me to do all the domestic stuff ( although he was probably a bit that way already) and just continued when we got back.
If I could send a message to my 30 year old self I would say don’t go .
To be absolutely honest I won’t even go to a muslin country on holiday because I have felt so uncomfortable in a society where women aren’t treated as equals

(However - I was not in the Middle East. I’d think very carefully before moving there)

I think if you are on a good income then you should get a permanent health insurance policy- it pays out until retirement age if you are unable to do your usual occupation. They aren’t cheap but to go for a professional salary to benefits is a massive change

I have to admit I'd be really worried about a daughter of mine putting herself and her children in that position. Presumably, as you mention the tax advantages, it's somewhere women have no rights?

Can you at least set up a private pension that he will pay into, equivalent to what would have been put in had you stayed, for the duration of your stay away.

Have you visited? Your posts have a lot of the benefits and none of the disadavantges of being a woman there or how it will impact your children.

so yes I would be disappointed the money for me would never be enough to move there and if you wanted to I would want them to be very clear about whst it means and I am not sure you are

I love to travel and live in other countries but I would not go in holiday to UAE never mind live there. Not for £500k. Let your husband go if he wants, but you stay home. You do not want to be a woman in those countries. My friend moved there with her husband and came back to give birth and basically never went back. It was hideous

Also an upheaval like this will put strain on a marriage, plus there'll be a huge shift in the balance of power in the relationship, which could be difficult to handle, so I do think you have to be very aware of what could go wrong and make sure you are aware of what the implications of that are.

Is DH planning to put all assets, savings and pensions 50% in your name before you go, plus anything built up while you're away? If not why not?