Having a wobble- think parents are disappointed in my choice

[CheekyNameChange123]

Long story short DH has been offered a job abroad. Salary is 3 x what he earns here (take home as new salary is tax free). I have worked hard and have a good job here but have reached the top of my earning potential (approx £50k WTE but I work PT) whereas this new job for DH is starting £150k with a view to earning double that in 10 years.

We have decided to go for it- I will be a SAHP for a few years (we have 2 primary age kids) and then try and find some work as they get older but we can manage fine on DH salary. I know anything can happen but so far we have a great relationship, have been together 10 years and I have savings in my own name if things did go mad. Im also v employable if we ever moved back (healthcare!) so I wouldnt worry about that.

Do I just get on with it? They understand why we are going but also seem really upset that I wont be working, are obviously sad we will be living far away and overall just dont seem happy for us which is different to how I thought they would react.

I think you are wise to not work at first if you can afford it. You can take time to sort all the domestic stuff and get the kids used to their new life.

You can always change your mind too once you know the lay of the land. It sounds very exciting! 🤞

Absolutely. So safe that kids become the property of their father (not their mother) from 11 for a boy and 13 for a girl.
https://u.ae/en/information-and-services/social-affairs/divorce-in-the-uae/childrenscustody

and where the actual government website says things like "The father can claim the custody of their son if he feels that their son is becoming too soft in nature by staying with the mother"

This is a place you want to bring up a daughter?

She’s potentially moving to an apartment/house not a sprawling estate how much domestics in an apartment/house need sorting? An adult not working to sort out chores is risible. Most people get a maid for domestic chores. Given her husband is well paid they can afford a maid

@CheekyNameChange123 is a professional woman, she should work to retain her career

NO
Revalidation and CPD , plus need a designated senior to confirm her safe practice
She’s a nurse, they reregister every 3 year

Exactly!!!

Heck yes- just been looking at Stowe family law website.
Courts almost always rule against moving kids out of the country once they are settled ( can be as little as a year) down to a case where mum and child stuck in South Africa because the father who is in prison for murder refuses permission to take the kids out of the country.
Kids views even if they are older aren’t given much notice.
Never looked into this before as when I went to America with baby husband only had a short term visa of the US .
I can see why your parents are worried OP and it looks like it’s down to trust.
Unfortunately people change but I hope things go well for you OP .

I agree with this

What a load of tosh. Husband and I lived as expats overseas for years as a family, including seven years in the Middle East. There are great British schools all over the world and I managed to work in every country we lived in. There’s always work if you go looking for it. Skills are transferable. In addition we never sold our house in the UK and with the money we saved managed to buy additional properties and are now mortgage free and on good pensions. The kids are grown up and well educated. Our marriage survived and we are very much enjoying the fruits of living overseas all those years.

I don't think women are treated equally or fairly. You'd be taking a huge risk OP. No one thinks their relationship will break down but many relationships do and over there you'd get a poor divorce package.

Cant blame them: I would be disappointed too

I do think it’s important to be balanced though. I was an expat too and there are many benefits. Financiall security, second language skills, breadth of knowledge and experience of other cultures.

But, some children can grow up feeling they are rootless, without a real place to call home. They can feel no real sense of belonging. Families in my experience become quite fractured and scattered. Certainly the dc seem to go far and wide, and not in a good way.

It does often mean sacrificing most of the home friendships and family connections. Some will stay in touch, most won’t. They will eventually drift. And so everyone and everything you might hold dear in the U.K. might be gone by the time you come back.

Security, safety and consistency is very important to most children. Growing up with extended family,loving friends and neighbours is often underestimated and undervalued. Changing schools too often can be really difficult and destabilising.

Absolutely go. You'll have a fabulous time.

I am a feminist and never imagined I would want to be a SAHM, however I quit my job during pregnancy and am now fully loving my day to day with baby, i dont want to do it forever and like you am employable, so just do it! You have a back up you have a good relationship, do it!

I find it sad to see women abandon career, give up work and earning to bolster and support a man career progression and earning power.
It’s always the woman falls off the cliff ,never the man. Always the woman giving things up
Always his career and progression that get priority

No wonder her parents are upset. Their professionally trained daughter is relocating giving up work. To prioritise a man

I have never understood this mentality, if a man can earn that sort of money and you can stay at home and be a stay at home mum or dad for that matter why wouldn't someone jump at the chance.

This is the mentality of the world now, people don't even know a good opportunity when it's put right infront of them.

Jump at it? Why would giving up career to be a be a housewife be a good idea for a woman
Let me clarify this is not something to aspire to

Because people are different? Is it really so hard to understand that some people want more from life than looking after home and children?

Is it so hard to understand that some people actually enjoy the sense of achievement, cameraderie and shared purpose that they get from work? That some people value the stimulation that they get from a job that interests them and challenges them? Or the fulfilment that they feel when they are realising their potential, using all of their talents in a creative way or making a positive difference on the world? Is it beyond your imagination that people might enjoy having an identity outside the home, or that they might prefer to be financially independent because of the confidence and freedom that this gives them?

I'm not criticising anyone who wants to be a SAHP. If it works for them, great. But from my personal perspective, it would be awful. From my mum's perspective, it was awful. She often used to say that she felt like she had only lived half a life.

It isn't that people don't know a good opportunity when it's put in front of them. They just have a different definition of "good".

Excellent posts. Really captures the personal & professional satisfaction one derive from work

the bit about having zero power over her kids if they split up is not tosh.

Use the time to get another degree or more professional training. This will make you more marketable when you return--not just a new skill, but evidence that you didn't stop and get out. It will also provide networking opportunities. You can do it online, even in a different country.

Why do you have them splitting up..,they haven’t even left yet.
If they make it work like we did they can have a fantastic life.
Sounds like you’re projecting.

Mumsnet feminism isn’t actual feminism

I have done two stints being a trailing spouse and we have ended up as permanent residents in another country.
leaving isn’t easy and nearly always strains a relationship.
But hard as settling in can be, particularly after the initial novelty has worn off, moving back can also be very hard.
It is easy to get used to private schools, help with chores, larger houses and it becomes your dc’s normal.

Risky.
You giving up working, the finances/ pension/ your currency in your field
Can't you stay here till he settles down over there, meanwhile trying to find a job for yourself too over there and then move?
If both are earning in AD, you could potentially keep a nanny/ au pair for the kids as well?
I've been a trailing spouse , moved several times- completely regret it- for myself and the kids.

It's a risk. If they split up in the UK they have equal rights. If they split up in AD, she has no rights.