Having a wobble- think parents are disappointed in my choice

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Long story short DH has been offered a job abroad. Salary is 3 x what he earns here (take home as new salary is tax free). I have worked hard and have a good job here but have reached the top of my earning potential (approx £50k WTE but I work PT) whereas this new job for DH is starting £150k with a view to earning double that in 10 years.

We have decided to go for it- I will be a SAHP for a few years (we have 2 primary age kids) and then try and find some work as they get older but we can manage fine on DH salary. I know anything can happen but so far we have a great relationship, have been together 10 years and I have savings in my own name if things did go mad. Im also v employable if we ever moved back (healthcare!) so I wouldnt worry about that.

Do I just get on with it? They understand why we are going but also seem really upset that I wont be working, are obviously sad we will be living far away and overall just dont seem happy for us which is different to how I thought they would react.

I wouldn't. My friend followed her husband to live abroad.

She gave up her job, they sold their house.

She couldn't get a job there.

She came home by herself to see her parents and to get some medical treatment. He essentially performed a coup and told her not to come back.

She was left with no house, no job and too ill to work. He had the kids and they wanted to stay there as they'd made friends. She was unable to stay in the country as she was unable to work there.

That’s my worst fucking nightmare

Ah ok- possibly still true of Al Ain although I'd be surprised if they can stick to that. Al Ain is part of Abu Dhabi the emirate but miles from Abu Dhabi the city so far fewer expats and more people who predominantly or exclusively speak Arabic.

Have you visited - because I think you all do before a decision is made. I still think you are seeing this with the rose tinted glasses of living abroad and escaping rather than the actual real thing

i would want my daughter to check it out properly and be aware exactly what it will be like because I am not sure you do

You are making yourself incredibly vulnerable. A sahm, in another country, and almost certainly on a spousal visa. No matter how rock solid your relationship seems, putting yourself in that position is foolish.

What if you divorce? Do you have the legal right to take the children back to the uk without his consent? Does your visa even allow you to stay if you are no longer his spouse? Could you be forced to leave the country without your children?

I don’t know the answers to these questions, but if you are making this move, you should. You need to be prepared for every scenario.

So live somewhere that you can both work, where men and women are treated equally.

If she's going to go on the basis described, it's difficult to see how it's an informed choice.

If your a hcp in the nhs can you do a 5 yr career break for security rather than resign completely?

Exactly you are not making an informed choice yiu seem to just see moving abroad as an exciting opportunity one you wanted to always do and to escape the UK.

and it won’t work unless you understand exactly where and what you are moving to - whst the lifestyle is like for you and your children and you seem like to have no knowledge of this at all.

Go for it OP but please don't like be the rest of the western expat women and become a lady who lunches! Find work and your own independence. Women's rights etc probably won't impact you being a western women. It is a land where people are treated according to their passport and social status. I am unsure about AD but in Dubai, the lifestyle is second to none. Schools are OK but not in the same league as a top private school in UK.

Regulated professionals would need to do some form of retraining after so long off, and the NHS doesn't do the thing where it says 'we'll keep your job open, see you in 5y'.

If you are planning to review annually is there any chance your work would give you a years leave of absence I’ve known a few people who’ve managed to swing it.

I love my ds and I want him to reach for the stars as he grows older. I also know I'd secretly be devastated if he moved away and moved my grand kids away(should I ever have them) so I couldn't be as active a part of their lives as I'd like to be. Obviously it would be completely his choice and I would like to think I'd never let on, but I do think it would be hard. Maybe they just aren't hiding the fact they will miss you as well as they could.

I would totally support anyone's decision to be a sahp and can see why it works so well for lots of people, but I would be cautious if I had a dd wanting to do it but more for pragmatic reasons which you seem to have thought out - pension allowance, access to their own money and not being dependant on their spouse so they could leave freely if they wanted to etc.

Go for it, I wlould. My mum was a SAHM in Dubai and made loads of friends - a lot of the mums were also taking career breaks.

I think that’s a bit unfair- we have visited, we have friends who live there and I have done plenty of research! I understand the laws well and I do understand id be in a vulnerable position if we split. As others have said all our assets are in joint names and I have my own savings account which we will add to which gives me some security. I don’t want to make the move assuming the worst will happen though I’d hope it would work well!

If you’re going to Dubai you’ll be bored to death if you’re not working. There’s more to life than money. I could never leave my friends and family for more money. I’d also miss my career & trees. You’d be disappointed if your children moved so far away from you one day so it’s only natural. If it’s what you want to do then go for it but there will be a lot of days when you’re stuck inside under air conditioning as it’s too hot to go out! My friend is there at the moment (since last summer) and is bored of it now. Her most recent complaint was its “so flat”. I think she’s yearning for the Yorkshire Dales!

So will they have to bail you and the kids out when it all goes wrong and you will end up all having to live together when you want to leave and come back?

I have friends that sent to Hong Kong for a long time. They came back now due to changes in the climate there. Before they left they bought house in the UK and rented it out- is that an option? Still have and Its basically their pension. They bought somewwhere abroad, sold that and now bought again in UK.

I think pension implications of going abroad need to be considered as you won't accrue state pension. Also don't become someone who has no clue over the finances - I see that lot with my friends, they say their husbands do that side. But they also feel anxious about the future and I wonder if the two things are connected.

Just go for it sounds a great opportunity. A tad hot for me though!

Their views and feelings are understandable but it’s solely up to you and your H.

I think it’s a poor, high risk choice for you and the DC when as a family you have many other options.

I've known people to come back to the UK for rehab despite having excellent insurance etc out there. I believe the first 3 months they basically get a bill from the NHS from but after that they are covered. Rehab is done very differently out there. Certainly not a country I would want to be having a severe brain injury in.

It's not a country you could pay me to visit OP, let alone live in. To be entering such a country is basically leaving all your morals on the doorstep imo. What would you do if one of your DC was gay? You may have a great relationship with your DH now but what about when he is busy working long hours, having to go to work social events etc, whilst you are a sahm? Your life's will then be worlds apart. Absolutely no chance I would take that risk for either myself or my dc.

It’s not an opportunity, except for DH. Selfish of him.

10 years with your H is not actually a long time and doesn’t guarantee that if you broke up he would allow you to leave the country with the DC.

@Loopytiles i guess you can never know someone fully but I think he would be reasonable. He’s not doing it just for him- the income would help us all hugely and allow us to help set the kids up so much more than we could in the UK.

I very much doubt that he is doing this for you and the DC and that this is the best way to ‘set you up’ given what you’ve said about your respective, good current skills and earnings. He has many, many other opportunities, UK and beyond, as do you. With far fewer risks for you and the DC.

The horrifying situation described by another poster is among those risks @GargoylesofBeelzebub