Having a wobble- think parents are disappointed in my choice

[CheekyNameChange123]

Long story short DH has been offered a job abroad. Salary is 3 x what he earns here (take home as new salary is tax free). I have worked hard and have a good job here but have reached the top of my earning potential (approx £50k WTE but I work PT) whereas this new job for DH is starting £150k with a view to earning double that in 10 years.

We have decided to go for it- I will be a SAHP for a few years (we have 2 primary age kids) and then try and find some work as they get older but we can manage fine on DH salary. I know anything can happen but so far we have a great relationship, have been together 10 years and I have savings in my own name if things did go mad. Im also v employable if we ever moved back (healthcare!) so I wouldnt worry about that.

Do I just get on with it? They understand why we are going but also seem really upset that I wont be working, are obviously sad we will be living far away and overall just dont seem happy for us which is different to how I thought they would react.

Op, pls disregard Mauro’s post.

Which one? The one where I give examples of why UAE is patriarchal? It was just in reseponse to someone saying that men don't have unreasonable privileges in the UAE. I think all those examples show that they very much do, even if not all of them are relevant to all of us.

I’m so glad to hear this! Most children cope well in a new place and I’m sure you will all be fine.

Your parents will eventually come around to the idea of you moving abroad after their initial upset. It’s their job to worry about you (even though you’re all grown up with a family of your own!).

The entire content of your post is full of nonsense and another poster has put you straight on the points you made, so to spare you further embarrassment I’ll only comment on the point below.

Men can divorce their wives immediately and without a reason whereas women have to get their application signed off by a judge who may not allow the divorce.

There’s no such thing as an instant divorce in Islam
except in the minds of people like yourself.

There are very clear procedures/steps people go through to get a divorce that include marriage guidance counselling prior to a divorce being finalised.

End of.

The one where you provided a lot of incorrect examples.

The UAE is patriarchal. I'm not going to disagree with that, but the examples you gave aren't correct and don't reflect what the OP will experience if she moves there.

In my 20 years in the Gulf I've had far more issues with misogynism from white men than from Emiratis. It's not that I don't occasionally end up in a position where I am worse off under the law because I'm female, but that they're pretty rare in practice and usually a bureaucratic annoyance rather than a real issue.

I do get everyones concerns but when we visit friends and have been to AD it doesnt feel massively patriachal and it just feels so safe for women and children compared to some parts of the UK.

I’ve not lived there but know plenty of people who have. It is very safe. Mainly because you are in a kind of ‘expat’ bubble. Which is fine. There fewer opportunities for teens to get into the kind of mischief that can have big consequences, like drugs etc. Do research the cost of living though, especially schools.

@W0tnow its a very safe country full stop. Its really nothing to do with being in an expat bubble so to speak.

But i didn't say that this would happen to OP. I was just highlighting that it is in fact a patriarchal country (which we agree on) because a PP had stated that it isn't and that there isn't anymore male privilege there than there is anywhere else.

UAE has their own national laws but they also adhere to Islamic laws and Islamic law mean that men are able to divorce their wives unilaterally, while women must secure their husband's consent or failing that a judge's consent. Maybe immediately was the wrong phrase to use, what I meant is that men have the autonomy to decide whereas a woman doesn't always. At least it might not be as straight forward.

And it is. It is super safe. It's only if anything goes wrong that you might encounter issues with being a woman.

What specific points are you claiming are an issue please? You don't seem to understand how UAE law works.

I have no issues with a debate about issues but you need to actually use examples that are true. You seem to be relying on outdated information /information that was never correct.

Mauro, just give it a rest. By continuing to post you’re just drawing attention to the fact you have absolutely no idea as to what you’re talking about.

Myself and the other poster who’s put you straight have 65 years of Gulf experience between us. Me as someone who married into it decades ago, and her as an expat.

You’d do well to try and learn from the thread rather than continue to highlight your ignorance.

Are in the UK or abroad?

I was a SAHM in the UK and loved it. It was incredibly isolating when we moved abroad as I didn’t know anyone and there were no mum and baby groups.

I don't agree with this. It's very safe on some measures, and for the OP and her kids it's very safe. There absolutely are areas in the UAE that are not safe, and there are groups of people who are also at at higher risk. It's not at all safe for someone in the sex industry for example and there are several areas I wouldn't go after dark. That applies to most countries though! OP's safety is in part linked to an expat bubble, but it's more a wealth bubble (and a lot of Emirates would also be in this bubble).

But for the OP and her family it is very safe and there's nothing from the perspective of OP being a woman that is 'safe until it goes wrong' that is particular to the UAE. There are a lot of 'great until it goes wrong' aspects to the UAE but not from a female perspective.

Travel, it’s a very safe society and every country in the world has its areas that are risky places to be in just as you said.

I agree overall, I just think sometimes people over emphasise the overall safety because a lot of expats just don't realize that there is a darker syse. I agree all cities/countries have that.

No - might be able to arrange as a sabbatical for 1-2 years max
As a doctor you have to come back and do some work and also appraisal and re validation if it’s more than 2 years.
Don’t know about other HCP but I suspect similar

Also, peiole seem to fail to ask themselves why it’s so ‘safe’, if by ‘safe’ you mean less likely to involve you being mugged, pickpocketed, or burgled.

U.K. government website
In case the link doesn’t work the gist as far as I can see as your husband could decide to stay and prevent you bringing the kids home and there is nothing U.K. government can do to help-
please please check this out- you might think it’s a small risk but is it really worth it. There are lots of lovely places you could experience as a family that don’t carry the risk ( which is entirely yours and the kids)
The fact that your husband is even considering this is a MAJOR RED FLAG - if only that he lacks empathy.
I know male colleagues who are earning loads in Dubai etc but they went once the children were grown up to earn some extra money and have a good time before retirement.
My childless god parents went to India ( 1970s) for his work- on paper he was earning loads but while they were away house prices rocketed and I think they ended up not being able to get all of the money they had accumulated there back home - certainly they didn’t seem better off when they returned than before they left

Have you looked into international school fees and how that will work coming back (whst age are yiur children) schooling seems the area you need to look at as well

and also properly prepare your kids it is a massive thing even if they seem to be fairly resilient now resettling them is hard

Not pessimists just feminists!

@FurzeNotGorse I'm not sure what you're implying, but if the penalty for (relatively) minor crimes ends with deportation and loss of income, when you're often the main wage earner for your family, then it really disincentives opportunistic crime. This is what most people are thinking about when they say the UAE is safe. And it's true - I could leave my wallet on a table in a shopping centre food court, walk off, and I would be shocked it if wasn't there if I came back. I'm never joking to be in areas where you might get knifed or similar, and sexual crimes against the wealthy (who h the OP would be) are fairly rare.

Domestic violence is an issue, not because there's a law that says it's ok to hit your wife, but because so many expat families are entirely financially reliant on the husband that women can't afford to leave, plus often people come from countries where divorce is just not socially acceptable meaning wives are put under pressure by their own families to stay (I know this can happen in the UK as well, but even more so here).

I'm not going to comment on issues within the Emirati community itself - it's not my place and I am also really not qualified to do anything but report what friends of friends say.

This is a risk in most countries the OP could move to. Once kids become habitually resident in a country, you will have trouble leaving with them. It's not a UAE thing.

This is the first of many links signposting help for those experiencing domestic violence. The governments own links to help are just a few links down the list.

lylawyers.com/understanding-protections m-for-victims-under-uae-domestic-abuse-law/I’m

OP, one little tip.
Don't get sucked into an extravagant lifestyle that sucks up the gains and can be a source of huge later regret.
Clever people quickly pay off morgages if they have them and bank financial security, not flash money about in a tacky way that is not sustainable long term.
Think of university fees, pension investments and make sure you hold money in your account too.