I cannot do this anymore

[appletreecidertree]

Every time we go away my friend wants to use my house for something. This time, it's the kitchen as hers is being ripped out and replaced. Previously, it was the garden (we have a large garden with private access to a river at the bottom of the garden, she thought it would be nice to have at her disposal in the summer we were away). She has her own house and garden (no river). In other times, it's been to use the shower for a week when her bathroom was being replaced.

It seems that every time we plan to go away, she wants access to our house. I feel very very awkward saying no. I feel extremely uncomfortable being put in these award positions every.single.time. Tbh, the stress of it is making me ill.

Don't tell her all your life plans.
If she asks, say other family/ friends are staying over.

If you don’t tell her you’re going away then she won’t want to use your house. Stop telling her your plans.

As with anything in life, allow it once, some gratitude given, twice less and after that becomes expected.

Don't tell her when you're away.

Say a neighbour is looking after your home.

You've got work going on.

Actually I don't want anyone in our home.

Don’t tell her you are going away or just tell her no. If that’s too hard say sorry I have family coming while we are away. She is a cheeky cow.

Just say no to her. If thats not enough then say DH has been getting completely fed up & has said never again.

If shes still arsey tell you youve told her no, DH has said no & shes really upsetting you with all this. If she was a true friend saying no once would be enough. If she is brings it up again then your friendship is done.

Frankly she sounds like an entitled user. Id distance myself from her & not tell her anything about what you are doing or any holiday plans.

This does not sound like a friend.

That's so weird. Just say no. It invades your privacy.

Just say, oh sorry, we've had cameras put inside and we have notified insurance we will be away so they will be keeping their eye on it and insurance would be invalid if someone else had they keys. Then change locks if possible. OR get a camera inside jic she has had a key cut,

Think you need to step up on this one and say no. You can say it, gets easier after the first timw. She's treating you like a doormat and friends dont do that I would say change the locks and as someone else has already said, don't tell her youre going.

Does nobody read the OP’s updates? There’s aren’t many, it’s easy to do.

Well done op I bet that feels like a weight off your mind. I had a friend like yours, always a one way street if favours. Note a said “had”.

enjoy your holiday.

Just say no, absolutely no reason to make up excuses, she has a nerve to even ask to use your home whilst you’re away. I would seriously be stepping back from this “friendship”. Why do you feel you can’t say no to this friend?

Good seen you have said no, and made efforts to secure your home. Let her sulk OP, hopefully she won’t be in touch ever again. What are you getting out of the friendship, other than a lot of hassle by the sound of things.

Is this “friend” a close relative? That might explain the OP’s dynamic and inability to say no.

So you don’t understand anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD, depression or any other mental health condition do you.
because when you break it down like you have none of them make sense. But they are genuine challenges.

@appletreecidertree you're moving away from the way you were now though.

You've asserted yourself. Now step back and let her seethe in her own highly entitled juices.

It's really not your problem. Keep it that way.

Oh, and at the risk of sounding patronising, well done.

I would distance yourself from this friend.

Just say no

OP has already updated to say that she has.

Well done for saying no I'm sure it wasn't easy. I bet it made you feel great after. She now knows you're not a walkover. If she doesn't want to remain friends then it's no real loss - as 'true friends' don't use people.

This ^

I would definitely change the locks.

This woman is not your friend, you need to cut her out of your life. If you keep saying no she will probably disappear anyway.