I cannot do this anymore

[appletreecidertree]

Every time we go away my friend wants to use my house for something. This time, it's the kitchen as hers is being ripped out and replaced. Previously, it was the garden (we have a large garden with private access to a river at the bottom of the garden, she thought it would be nice to have at her disposal in the summer we were away). She has her own house and garden (no river). In other times, it's been to use the shower for a week when her bathroom was being replaced.

It seems that every time we plan to go away, she wants access to our house. I feel very very awkward saying no. I feel extremely uncomfortable being put in these award positions every.single.time. Tbh, the stress of it is making me ill.

Nobody has ever died of awkwardness OP....let her get arsey and wave her goodbye. Jeez

Tell her someone else is staying so she can’t, and I agree defo change the locks.

You are horrified at the thought of what she’ll say to you, but you should honestly be horrified at how awful her behaviour is. She should be mortified being so entitled.

Your "friend" is an user with weirdish preferences.
Cut her out of your life and fgs, don't feel ill about it.

Not much of a friend, is she?

It's the anticipation of the confrontation that's making you feel ill. All the more reason to get it over with and say no. If she gets arsey, she gets arsey. It will be an uncomfortable situation, but it will be dealt with. She is a cheeky madam.

you must say no. I found this incredible to read. Really why does she expect these rights to your house.
Stand your ground.
Honestly there are 'friends' and 'friends' !!

'Please don't ask if you can make use of my home anymore. It invalidates my house insurance and causes me stress so I'd appreciate it if you didn't ask again.'

I'd say she asks because she knows you struggle to say no.

So what? You've still given her your answer, what she says next is irrelevant.

If this is genuinely making you feel ill, you should seek some form of therapy ASAP. It's no way to live your life.

Don't tell her your going away

How does she know the dates of your trip? Just don’t talk about it in advance with her!

Making you 'ill' is the most dramatic, neurotic response to a simple yes or no question, that you could possibly ever have. Don’t be ridiculous

The trick is to realise that it's ok for her to get the arse. Her getting the arse can only affect you let it. Say no, let her get the hump and realise that the only person who's day her grump is ruining is her own.

If you’ve never walked in someone’s shoes…….judgemental or what?

She sounds like a user and no friend at all. A true friend would just accept your no without trying to guilt-trip you into anything.

Think of it this way: You can have the short term awkwardness of saying no (and then never having to say it again, because I don't think she'll want to continue the friendship without these "benefits" to her life) or you can continue feeling the resentment and the stress this situation is causing you.

The choice is, ultimately, yours.

Your friend's behaviour is not normal.
Let her get arsey. It's not your problem and you're not responsible for her moods.
You have a right to not allow anyone into your house and most people would never allow this.
Say no. Do you have a dh/dp? What do they think of this?
How about not telling her that your going away. Make out you've not booked anything then say it was last minute when you get back.

Just say, 'oh goodness you cheeky fucker Petunia, i have already said that Felicitys Aunts cousin twice removed can stay that week, so sorry not this time..... toodles.

would that work?

Just say no.

Don’t tell her you’re going on holiday. Definitely change the locks or she’ll use your house anyway like the Mexican house thief (was on a thread in classics)

Why are you friends with this person ? She’s a user.

Update - I told her no and gave my reasons for this. Can't reveal the reason as outting. She's clearly pissed off with me.

Well done you. It can't have been easy to stand up to her.

If one fucking word comes out of her mouth just say

"if it's any consolation friend, just try to remember all the times I said yes, instead of the one time I said no. That might help a bit, now I don't want to hear any more about it".

Well done. I would go and change locks as well.

@Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou When I think of all the times I said yes, bent over backwards, disrupted/changed my plans, pissed off DH when I've accomodated her, dropped things at a minutes notice for her.. I then get angry that she is pissed off.

Ty for all the support

Like I said, remind her of all the times you said yes and tell her you don't want to hear any more about it now you want to draw a line under it. How she then reacts will determine your relationship going forward.