Would you find this gift rude/hurtful?

[Darkclothes]

MIL recently bought me this cooking apron for my birthday. I do cook meals from scratch daily, but only bake cakes for birthdays- so maybe twice a year!

I've put on weight the past 2 yrs. A combination of finishing 12yrs of sub-fertility and rounds of IVF, then finding out I'll never have my own children, moving from an active job to WFH and also an injury which has limited how much exercise I can do.

MIL and I had a falling out 10yrs ago, but have been on reasonable terms since. I don't know if it's a subtle hint to my weight gain or I'm overthinking and she just saw a cooking apron and didn't think about the text. Would you feel hurt/offended by this?

I wouldn't think anything of it myself. I think it's tacky but I wouldn't be offended by it.

You know her best though.

If she's heavy herself, I'd probably just think she's sort of poorly socialised bad at dealing with basic etiquette rude and not take it personally. But it's a really strange thing to buy for someone else unless it's a very close friend whose sense of humor you know really well. I'd probably still wear it as I need an apron and it looks useful, but if it does bother you at all it's completely fine to ditch it.

I feel you OP. I've also been through the weight gain of fertility treatment.
I had a big 'do' to go to and was already conscious of my weight. I walked into the venue and someone I know said 'ohh, not used to you looking so big' WTAF.
I couldn't speak. They carried on trying to speak to me but I ignored them. When challenged I said 'what you said was really hurtful so I'm not speaking to you'.
They blustered and apologised. Night ruined though.

Some people just don't think before speaking/doing. Well, that's what I'd like to think rather than being downright bitchy.

How much weight did you gain? If it's a very noticeable weight gain, this would hurt me. If you only put on a stone or two, it wouldn't bother me as I wouldn't think it was a calculated dig. Most people are carrying a few extra pounds. Sometimes people gain/lose weight, and I don't even notice.

I had a fridge magnet with this on. Also had one saying fridge pickers wear bigger knickers. It's a joke FFS.

I would donate it to MIL’s favourite/ nearest/ most visited charity shop.

The more I look as it, the more I don't think it was a dig. A silly joke but not an intended dig. No body is that reckless to do that on purpose to someone. She is just not thinking things through and was probably subconsciously referring to herself when it caught her eye.

My father accidentally bought a 'Happy Birthday Wife' card last month instead of a 'Happy Valentines Day' card. Some people don't look at the writing.

Save it and give it to her for her next birthday or Christmas. “Oh MIL, I loved my one so much I thought I’d get you one too! Twins!!” Smiles sweetly 🤪

I'd not mind it personally- but I do like good quality milk chocolate, and love cake!

Find out who lives next door to your mother in law. Choose the largest looking neighbour and gift wrap the apron and put it through her door with a note that you have forged to look like your mother in laws writing-

'Dear Big Marge, I saw this apron and thought of your, ha ha ha ha love Betty xxx'

Hopefully Big Marge will knock her door spoiling for a fight ......

Me and my dil have a warped sense of humour but that is over stepping the mark massively into hurtful territory. No way is that a gift.

@NC28 re Cake and Chocolate not naming words?(nouns isit)//capitol worthy>

If I got that I’d just think it’s the normal run of the mill jokes about either chocolate or wine.I think you’re overthinking it

Cut it up for dusters or shoe polishing clothes.

Or keep it under the sink for those unexpected times when you need something quickly to mop up spills/ cat sick/ leaking dishwasher/ dropped egg/ smashed jam jar and you grab the first thing to hand and it doesn't matter if it goes straight into the bin.

Yes I bloody would. Cheeky cow. Hope you're ok.

OP I’d keep it at the back of the drawer, then when MIL visits, hand it to her to wear when you ask her to come and help with the food prep!

As a woman I do have size 8 feet. But I am a tall woman so I feel that's normal and in proportion. However my MIL and FIL once gave me a pair of novelty slippers - clown shoes which were turned up at the toes. I chucked them straight in the bin. I don't think any of these gifts are funny - just bitchy.

Yes, I'd be offended and see it as a dig.

I'd bin it and not give her the satisfaction but I'd think long and hard about what equally awful thing I could buy her as a present!

I wouldn't be offended by that and I am a fatty. You know her though so can gauge her intentions better than anyone on here.

Isn't it most likely to be an attempt at jokey solidarity as her weight fluctuates and you've put a bit on? It reads like that to me - it's the kind of cack handed thing my SIL would do.

I also had a colleague say to me once as a 'joke' - 'are you the fat girl' (once I get dissed by Angelina Jolie I'll take notice!).

Only if the recipient finds it funny

Perhaps two can play that game and you pick out her imperfections in a passive aggressive gift. Sometimes you have to give it back for people to get the message.

Unless she is really vicious, I would imagine she just thought ‘haha what a hilarious joke, cake doesn’t make you fat, it just makes your clothes shrink’

And on that level (the level of a pathetic joke) it is sort of on the side of cake eaters. It’s saying cake eating does not make you fat….it just makes your clothes shrink.

I think you might be overthinking it / taking it personally when it’s just mindlessly naff and not aimed at you.