Would you find this gift rude/hurtful?

[Darkclothes]

MIL recently bought me this cooking apron for my birthday. I do cook meals from scratch daily, but only bake cakes for birthdays- so maybe twice a year!

I've put on weight the past 2 yrs. A combination of finishing 12yrs of sub-fertility and rounds of IVF, then finding out I'll never have my own children, moving from an active job to WFH and also an injury which has limited how much exercise I can do.

MIL and I had a falling out 10yrs ago, but have been on reasonable terms since. I don't know if it's a subtle hint to my weight gain or I'm overthinking and she just saw a cooking apron and didn't think about the text. Would you feel hurt/offended by this?

Do you ever joke about the weight gain? If so, she might just be picking up on that.

I vote that op gets an apron like this and wears it whenever MIL comes over.

Lots like it was in the sale. I can’t imagine many people buying it.

Even if not intentional, it was insensitive to give it to you if you’ve visibly put on weight. At best, it was thoughtless.

It's rude and the word spacing is weird.

I'm chubby, love to cook and everyone loves to eat what I make. I think it's a funny apron. Your MIL is not slender and if she compliments your cooking, I'd say she meant no harm.

I would wear it.
I would also offer it to her to wear sometimes when she helps wash dishes etc.

There is nothing that makes the effluvia of modern life not wasted. How many wearings of a novelty apron ammeurtize its cost in production and disposal?

Ruin her apron and then re-gift it back to her, preferably on a busy day when she has people around.

The words on the apron were not written on there, especially for you. It’s a product. thousands of them have been made - and bought by people who actually thought they were funny. It’s a backhanded compliment saying you’ve got your priorities right.

@Iwanttoliveonamountain how in the world is it a backhanded compliment? And what had it to do with priorities?
At best it's insensitive.

Ahh come on, Just because someone misses the mark/ is tone deaf, doesn’t mean they are snide.

OP I can totally understand why you are upset by the gift, but I really doubt your MIL was being intentionally hurtful. I doubt she’s even particularly noticed your weight gain and she just (very stupidly ) thought it was a funny joke . I wouldn’t take it personally, I’d just think my mil was lacking some sensitivity/ social awareness . As others have said get rid of it and don’t think it another thought xx

She's still bitter about whatever went on 10 years ago. It reminds me of the scene in Bridget Jones where a character does jellyfish sting remarks. Mine does the same, surface level polite but it's barbed. And it stings. Most people see it as a 'joke' or poorly thought out. Her eyes give it away though. It's deliberate and unkind.
It's the most ugly apron too, I'm sure there are others with nicer designs that say the same thing but that shouldn't have made it into production.

Honestly unless she has form for it I wouldn't take this as some personal dig or comment, it's just a not very funny joke and misjudgement about what you'd like. I wouldn't keep it - it's not cute and I actively avoid weight related jokes or comments around food. But my stepmother is both kitschy and of a generation where making quips and references about their own weight and foods being fattening is the norm... she was recently gifted a comedy tea towel from a friend with a "splurge" food/drink to exercise needed conversion list printed on it and found it hilarious.

Generally speaking, give family and friends as much benefit of the doubt as their actions can support. If you look at something and think "I really don't know if this was well meaning but dumb or surprisingly mean spirited from her" then just choose to believe the former. If you're right you'll have fewer hurt feelings and no unnecessary conflict from making that choice and if she later proves you wrong then you'll have deprived her of getting a rise out of you.

I would be interested in knowing whether your husband thinks it was a barbed present

Nasty passive aggressive gift. I use to have a slightly younger friend who had a habit of putting me down (now an ex friend) I got one or two gifts like this, She was so excited and disproportionate with glee watching me unwrap a shopper bag with OLD BAG written in large letters, she thought it hilarious. It wouldn't have bothered me if not for her track record. Give it to charity.

That’s a really nasty thing to do.

This occurred to me too. As she likes a joke, get her one of these “as a joke”: https://amzn.eu/d/bEO14os

It’s not even funny. Take it to your local charity shop but rip that stupid bit off the front first. Pretend it didn’t bother you at all though because you don’t wanna give her the satisfaction.

Depending on your relationship, I might think it a clumsy attempt at solidarity re weight.

So not Twiggy and no less than a size 16? Perhaps she’s joking about her own size, feels the relationship she has with you is based on trust and understanding so she’s not considered it might offend you. She wants to have fun with you, not laugh at you personally.
Don’t see the message as a nasty gesture and be tempted to bin the gift.
It’s easy to perceive MiLs as unkind, and now I’m in that brigade I have to tread very carefully, constantly second guessing what I say. If only my DiL believed that I value her very highly…

This
And completely forget.
I'm sorry you're going through so much.
It will get better

This is honest to god the most healthy/ well adjusted advice about dealing with family/ in-laws that I’ve ever seen on mumsnet. Exceptionally rare for a MIL thread!

Generally speaking, give family and friends as much benefit of the doubt as their actions can support. If you look at something and think "I really don't know if this was well meaning but dumb or surprisingly mean spirited from her" then just choose to believe the former. If you're right you'll have fewer hurt feelings and no unnecessary conflict from making that choice and if she later proves you wrong then you'll have deprived her of getting a rise out of you.

My policy is if they would genuinely find it funny if I gave it to them, then it's not a dig. If they wouldn't, it is. Works a treat with my mother anyway. It's amazing how many things are utterly hilarious, and she's chortling away into her G&T, until something similar happens to her. . .

That’s super nasty !
Regift it for Mother’s Day 😜

My Stepdaughter gave me chocolates as a gift
They had been opened and several were missing!!
Rise above it, bin it or donate it but do not give her the satisfaction

I love this one!