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I know life isn’t fair, but I’m struggling with this

329 replies

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:06

I know life isn’t fair, and I know I will be labelled as horribly jealous, but I will admit it first, I am horribly, disgustingly jealous of her life and it physically hurts me to think about it. My ‘friend’ gets almost £1000 a month from benefits, mostly PIP which she is falsely claiming. She uses this money to visit her boyfriend of 4 months in another country. She is now over 3 months pregnant with this man, so she got pregnant almost immediately. She is now getting housed in a matter of weeks, either through the council, or privately renting with lots of contribution from housing benefit. She has never worked a single day in her entire life. I am working self employed 6 days a week, studying my uni degree, and have been with my boyfriend for over two years, yet I barely earn more than her, we live in a tiny studio which we both work full time to afford, and have been ‘trying’ (not really trying, more seeing what happens) for a baby for almost two years with no luck. She will be in her lovely flat paid for mostly by the government, with her lovely little baby, and will never have to ever work, and never has done, while myself and my boyfriend will likely remain childless, in a small flat and working full time jobs for the foreseeable future.

OP posts:
Loveduppenguin · 05/03/2025 14:08

What is she claiming PIP for?

roseyposey · 05/03/2025 14:08

Hmm 🤨

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:08

Actually, let me correct myself. She isn’t having her flat mostly paid for by the government, she is having it paid ENTIRELY by the government, since whatever isn’t covered by housing benefit, she will be paying using her benefits anyway.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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cestlavielife · 05/03/2025 14:09

Don't let jealousy consume you
Drop this "friend"
You are earning money setting yourself up

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:09

Loveduppenguin · 05/03/2025 14:08

What is she claiming PIP for?

Supposed anxiety, depression and adhd. However she has not been diagnosed with adhd, and she said to me when she was first awarded PIP that she had to ‘exaggerate or you won’t get anything’.

OP posts:
Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:12

cestlavielife · 05/03/2025 14:09

Don't let jealousy consume you
Drop this "friend"
You are earning money setting yourself up

I know this rationally, but it is ever so hard to remember when she is asking my opinion on whichever £1.5k flat she’s looking at next etc while I’m at work Sad

OP posts:
Scutterbug · 05/03/2025 14:13

It’s quite hard to pull the wool over the PIP assessors’ eyes because they require so much evidence. You only have to read threads on here to see that.
Anyway, I wouldn’t be jealous of her, you are working towards a degree, with a living partner who presumably works. In time you will earn far more than she is claiming I am sure.

WaitingForMojo · 05/03/2025 14:15

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:09

Supposed anxiety, depression and adhd. However she has not been diagnosed with adhd, and she said to me when she was first awarded PIP that she had to ‘exaggerate or you won’t get anything’.

A diagnosis isn’t necessary for a pip claim. That isn’t ‘falsely claiming’

She will also have had to provide evidence for the level of impairment she claims to have.

Upstartled · 05/03/2025 14:15

How...on topic.

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:16

It is falsely claiming when she has said herself she would just rather not work since she doesn’t have to, and that she was looking up what to say to get the claim awarded, and extremely exaggerating her symptoms, which again, she told me she had done.

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 05/03/2025 14:16

I wouldn't be friends with a person who is conning the public out of money, if this is in fact what is happening. Nor would i be friends with someone who broke into houses and robbed at night, or committed theft through hacking. All are the same and no way would I associate with them. Even if they made me feel good about myself in other ways. This friend is a fraudster and makes you feel bad about yourself so its a simple one.

cardboardvillage · 05/03/2025 14:17

Her life sounds dead end to me

Yours sounds good and like you have a good future ahead

Octavia64 · 05/03/2025 14:18

PIP is paid whether you are in work or not.

It's a benefit to help disabled people.

If you believe she is claiming fraudulently please report her.

www.gov.uk/report-benefit-fraud

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:18

Her evidence would be not attending school past year 10 and never working, all down to ‘anxiety’, which I’m sorry but if you have anxiety so severe that you’re unable to go into a place of work, then your anxiety is too severe to be travelling abroad, alone, to meet a random man that you’ve never met before (originally). I also have diagnosed anxiety yet I have forced myself through to make a living and am now at the point where I have my own (small) business. However I still get these symptoms before I meet new clients, every single time. Does that mean I shouldn’t work? I should just quit, and claim PIP?

OP posts:
Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:19

I have strongly considered reporting her in the past, but now she is pregnant I am hesitant to as I feel wrong about taking money away from the baby.

OP posts:
localhere · 05/03/2025 14:20

God that sounds like a miserable life. In the long run she is the one losing out. I'd leave her to it.

WoahThreeAces · 05/03/2025 14:20

If what you are saying is actually true, your "friend" has money fraudulently. Lots of people get money from illegal means, can't be jealous of them all.
But it's possible she is only claiming what she is entitled to.

DarkMagicStars · 05/03/2025 14:20

£1k isn’t a lot of money at all.

ChangingHistory · 05/03/2025 14:20

Your life is way better than hers.

She's going to be in a council flat as a single mum on benefits, few people wish for that.

You have a very promising future if you follow your current trajectory. Keep on and get some different friends.

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:21

DarkMagicStars · 05/03/2025 14:20

£1k isn’t a lot of money at all.

It is when you’re doing nothing other than getting on a plane to see your boyfriend.

OP posts:
Millymoonshine · 05/03/2025 14:21

@Jealoussojealous look at it like this. In 20 years your friend will likely have no pension built up and no skills to work anything other than low paid jobs which will mean that when her dc are adults and her benefits are drastically cut she will be in a precarious situation.
You, however, will hopefully have a decent job and pension and your own home.
And I hope you have dc too if that’s what you want.

I’m in my 60’s, life flies by and planning for your retirement should start financially with your first proper paid employment.
Reframe this, unless she’s set up for life by a wealthy partner her future doesn’t look as rosy as yours.

Notimeforaname · 05/03/2025 14:21

She has never worked a single day in her entire life. I am working self employed

Choices.
That was her choice.

You chose your own way. Get over it.

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:23

This reply has been deleted

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NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 05/03/2025 14:23

Just stay away from her.

Regardless if she gets reported, charged, fined or whatever else, that won't change your situation at all.

All you can do is stay away from people who make you feel that way.

Its also not that easy to get PIP, I had cancer and a stroke and it still went to a tribunal after more than a year of being declined so she's probably hiding some things from you.

Notimeforaname · 05/03/2025 14:23

It is when you’re doing nothing other than getting on a plane to see your boyfriend.

Then you know what to do, quit your job, dump your partner, claim benefits and go looking for a fella abroad. Then you'll have her life.
Choices.