Do you parents/in laws help you or your children out financially or with childcare

[Warmsunnyevenings]

Just a nosy post really more than anything.

Almost everyone I know gets help from their parents or in laws.

Either through free, regular childcare. Or chipping in for the grandchildren's hobbies or things they need. Or giving grandchildren pocket money. Paying for giving money towards home renovations or paying for weddings, holidays etc.

Interested to know what help others get.

No help right now. We did both live with our parents to save money and got help with a deposit on a house. This has meant that we haven't needed help once the kids came along as we can manage. Neither live near enough for regular childcare.

No help here

Mine have us round for Sunday lunch a couple of times a month to save me money. My dm will mind my dc for a few days at a time during the summer holidays. They would babysit when asked

My parents paid the school fees from 5 - 18.

No.

They’ve never done any childcare beyond the odd few hours if I’ve needed to go to an appointment. No financially contributions towards anything either.

They have the time, space and money but my mother is very much of the ‘we didn’t leave our kids’ mentality so could never understand why we would like a break.
To be fair to my dad he will go and babysit my nephews at their house so my sibling can have a rare night out but my mother is dead against doing anything like that.

Pregnant and none of the grandparents are that interested in meeting the baby. Never mind help. I honestly would be grateful if they even decided to hold the baby. We did live with MIL for 3 years as we married in our early 20s and dh had lived at home during uni and we were returning from Europe where he had done his masters. We did buy a flat after that and we live 2 miles from MIL. I did know she wasn't interested in any grandkids.

We are one and done partially for that reason

LOL no 😂

DM is terminally ill and lives with us so I can care for her. She occasionally is well enough to chat with DS whilst I run around doing everything, so that is useful but massively outweighed by the driving/feeding/cleaning I do for her. Her UC doesn't cover everything she needs so actually I'm subsidising her life right now, not the other way around.

DF will have DS occasionally, IF I pay him... the same going rate as our babysitter. Then drops out at the last minute and wonders why I stick with the babysitter.

When I get annoyed (I understand I'm not entitled to anything, but I'm human and get jealous!) I just start planning everything I want to/will do with/for future grandchildren if I'm lucky enough to have them. It helps.

Instead of splurging at Christmas on too many presents, one set of grandparents buys one gift and then makes a donation to the university savings account. We find that very helpful.

no other assistance or regular child care. We know either side would loan us money if we really needed it, but we have never needed to ask.

Ils haven't been in our lives for over a decade.. Their choice. Ds is 10. 6.. Didn't even get a gift when he was born.

Nope. My Mum (only relative, abusive and frankly horrible) died in 2019 and dh is completely no contact with every single member of his family. So it’s just us!

No help either practical or financial.

No regular childcare.
No chipping in for the grandchildren's hobbies or things they need.
No giving grandchildren pocket money. No paying for giving money towards home renovations or paying for weddings, holidays etc.

My MIL is lovely and treats each GC to a day with her in the holidays if they want to, no sleep overs for the youngest as they have SEN and don't sleep well at all, I wouldn't subject the in laws to that!

MIL is currently a big support for her own father and her husbands family at the moment so she already has a lot on and i wouldn't want to add to it either.
She was working FT when our first came along so we didn't expect regular day care at all But she was always happy to have us over at weekends and holidays.

My 3DC are teenagers. We don't live close to either set of grandparents and only got about 1 day a year babysitting when the DC were younger. No help with costs, although we will inherit when they die. My DB lives close to my parents and Mum did all the wrap around care for their 3DC.

Oh, and neither of us had the option to live at home to save for a house, luckily DH was made redundant when we were young and his redundancy payment was our 10% deposit.

Mil used to take my 2 dds for a day when they were little. I didn’t work at the time so I used it to do a quick bit of housework in the morning and then go to the gym and meet friends for lunch. It was an incredible luxury and helped keep me connected with my friends as a young mum whose friends hadn’t yet had dc.
She also looked after the youngest when I went back to college. The older one went to the college nursery.
mil also sends some money to the eldest every month at uni for fun spending. We wouldn’t have given dc any more if she wasn’t doing it, we send her enough that she’s not struggling but it’s a lovely bit of a safety net for dc.
she has done this for all her university grandchildren.
my own parents, not so much help either practically and none financially.
Mine are all older though now.

No regular childcare as too far away when kids small. But when they visited they would chip in. Helped in emergencies.
No financial help as we didn't need it and don't want it. I would rather never go on holidays or do only UK holidays than take money from my parents.

I hold no grudges whatsoever. They did their best and it was pretty good.

DPs and ILs both helped with childcare, we never had to pay for any although work for ourselves so could be flexible anyway.

My DPs have helped me for years, paid for uni, first car, carpets and furniture for first house, wedding, loan for business start up (fully repaid plus), helped when I left xh with furniture, shopping when I was on a low income. Now, they still help - just gifted me a good amount towards a house deposit and said can loan more if needed. My dm has just set a SO to my dcs bank accounts to give them £30 each a month,and she often offers to pay for school residential but I don't need her too (my GF paid for my residential trips as a child)

We had a low income growing up, although I only know that as an adult, but they are now very comfortable, mainly due to various inheritances and obviously very generous with it. I realise I am very lucky, but my dps also had kind and generous parents, and I am also. It's a shame when dps won't help, although appreciate not all can

I can’t believe that there is so little help. I didn’t have any when the children we young, my mother died when my eldest was 2 and my father remarried. Both of them didn’t have time for grandchildren or his children tbh . My MIL was totally anti children unless it made her look good, so no help from her at all.

i love helping my children, I help them financially as much as I can, buy them food when they’re short have paid rent when their back was to the wall. I’ve given them deposits for their first homes and bought / paid for all sorts of things they needed. I’m restricted to how much only in the sense I have 5 children (3 mine 2 stepchildren) and I don’t have a bottomless pit, but I do what I can.

as for child care, I have my 3 grandchildren 3 days a week after school until 6.30ish and 3 full days in the holidays. It’s hard work, I’m not young anymore and 3 under 8 is hard work, but I love doing it. I should correct that, DH and I both love having them it’s not all down to me.

we have just learnt that my SD is pregnant, so I should imagine that will be a pram etc that needs buying, she has already asked if we can have him 2 days a week so I can see a busy 2026 !

My parents are separated and both of them dote on my children.

They are either at a sleepover at my mum’s house or my dad’s house at least once a month. My mum lives nearby so she sometimes asks to pick the children up from school and takes them back to her house for tea. If me and DH have got a day where we need to be out and about, or need to spend a day getting jobs done then my mum will offer to have the children for us.

My dad treats the kids to days out a lot, at least twice a month, and my mum has taken my eldest son on holiday with her before, and she taking both of them away later this year.

Me and DH are very fortunate that my parents are so involved and I’m so thankful my boys have such a close relationship with their nan and grandad.

helped us with house deposit. Looked after dc a day each and does the odd day/sleepover every holiday.

in contrast to lots of posters, we get lots of help from both sets of grandparents - regular weekly childcare, little gifts, cooked meals and a little money monthly for saving in a child isa. We are so so grateful to them and make a big effort to invite them to things, celebrate together etc. they were all wonderful parents too!

Got help from DM but paid her. So when kids were in school she collected 4 days a week and got 650 a month so not a favour but still appreciated

It pleases me to help my kids and their families as much as it does them.

Regularly buy clothes and toys for grandkids, add bits to my shopping, give them chunks towards cars, holiday. Paid uni fees and helped with house deposits.

Provide regular childcare and cover emergencies too.

Wouldn't have it any other way.

No, no childcare or financial help. They don't offer and I wouldn't trust them anyway.

No regular financial support, in fact we are now paying for a cleaner for PIL due to their health issues. My parents are both dead, and due to care home fees there was only a small inheritance left. I do not begrudge the care home fees, but a lot of people seem to assume that if your parents have died, you will have inherited some money.

However, my mum gave us £1k towards our wedding and my PIL loaned us £5k towards building works (which we repaid in full).

PIL live 200 miles away so we don’t get help with childcare, and due to health issues they couldn’t take DD for a few days in the holidays even now she’s older (nearly 10). They did help BIL & SIL (who live near them) with childcare when their children were younger (now teens). BIL does quite a bit of practical help for PIL now.

While we had budgeted for childcare costs when planning children and knew we could manage to fund it ourselves, I didn’t realise how nice it would have been to have grandparents nearby for the occasional bit of childcare - a night out, covering pick-up from school if we couldn’t make it, a couple of hours while we did DIY, that kind of thing. I remember being amazed during one visit to PIL when my SIL just asked MIL casually if she could drop off the kids early on Monday and MIL could take them to school so SIL could try a new gym class!

There’s been previous threads on this topic, and I’m always surprised by people who get a lot of financial help from their parents - not just house deposits or paying school fees, but other things like paying for school shoes, buying winter coats, paying for activities, giving some cash for a ‘treat’, that kind of thing. It’s not something that my parents would have been able to afford to do, so it’s quite alien to me.

My parents gave us a house deposit 20 years ago

That has made a huge difference but they do absolutely no childcare or other things

In laws have never done any childcare or given id anything