Do you parents/in laws help you or your children out financially or with childcare

[Warmsunnyevenings]

Just a nosy post really more than anything.

Almost everyone I know gets help from their parents or in laws.

Either through free, regular childcare. Or chipping in for the grandchildren's hobbies or things they need. Or giving grandchildren pocket money. Paying for giving money towards home renovations or paying for weddings, holidays etc.

Interested to know what help others get.

@Floranan can you adopt me please 😂 the only help we have had is one night in five years when I went to give birth to my second child and wanted my husband with me, had to meal prep and leave out clothes for my eldest even for the one night! Your children are very lucky ❤️

Same. DD1 renting in London and loves it. We will help both if we can and I’d be happy to babysit if I can but I don’t want to be a child minder.

At the moment it's me and DH supporting our parents rather than the other way round, now that my parents and MIL are in their 80s. But in the past we have had help - both financial (money towards deposit when we bought a house) and childcare (my parents used to pick the kids up from school once a week and look after them until I got back from work).

I'm hoping to be a hands on granny and will offer childcare if/when my DC have kids, health permitting.

Yes very lucky with my mum, my sister and I have 7 children between us (age range 27 to 7) and mum has always had one of them for an afternoon a week prior to them starting school and days in the school hols.

My youngest is the 7 year old and mum
has had her one day a week since she was
9 mths, and in the school holidays. She collects her from school until 7pm one day a week plus other ad hoc days if required. She is 76 next week though so I realise she may need to slow it down soon.

very lucky!

They both live with me rent free. I can afford it)

That's very generous.

Apparently this is spoiling them, accordiing to MN.

Take it with a pinch of salt as so many posters are contradictory or just like to be contrary. I mean you shouldn't have dc if you can't give them a house deposit but it's entitled for a dc to want help with a deposit. 🙄

But I am clearly very out of date because people are providing house deposits and holidays and all sorts!

We couldn't have stayed in London without help, that's the problem really but another thread.

I am very very fortunate. My parents paid for wedding, house deposit, our cars, paid for preschool, pay for children’s birthday parties, do regular school runs and provide babysitting as and when. We have 3 children and my parents are in their 50s.

No.

Makes eldercare even more of a joy.

Yes we got help from my parents. 1 day of childcare most weeks for 4 years, there was 1 child for 2 years then 2 for 2 years until it became too much for them.

we are very grateful for the help we received, however the childcare was not free, it came with various conditions attached and we had to agree to my parents rules. We also provided a a full days food for both my parents including hosting them for dinner most nights they came to ours too. We also paid them petrol money some days too. It pretty much depended on if my parents were mad at us whether they would accept it. We always offered it however

My parents don't have the money to help financially, bar the odd gift etc but they will help with childcare whenever I need, if I wanted to work full time they would have DD with no question

My DM gave us £500 as a wedding gift. She has spent the last few years looking after my GPs but both have since passed. We are giving my DM space, if she wants to be involved more she knows she can.

My PILs gave us £400 when we bought our house, £6k for our wedding and overnight both our children maybe once every two months (we don't ask, they offer). They gave my wife's only other sibling the deposit for her house so they are being fair.

Would expect to inherit from both my DM and PILs although I would rather have them living and breathing.

Two days of childcare / dog care plus my parents pay 50% of school fees for the older two. My parents also have a significant amount towards buying our first house and then helped us to move a second time. Incredibly incredibly grateful.

I moved closer to my DMum and Ddad, but sadly they both passed away before my kids got to the age of five. Before they were ill they did used to take them for a couple of mornings, taking them into nursery late, probably from 7:30- 9:30am. My in-laws are lovely, but live over 3 hours away. They have only done one night's babysitting for us, but have put a little bit of money into their trust fund each birthday.

Yes both- my parents pay for our nursery fees plus all of my two kids clubs, swimming lessons etc. they watch them 2 afternoons a week (they only go to nursery in the morning at my parents insistence according to my mother any longer “is too long a day”) and they have them for an overnight once a month or so for DH and I to have a night out. We’re very very lucky and very grateful however it does drive me a bit nuts as I would love them to spoil themselves a bit more and spend less on my family. This usually starts a fight with my dad who is adamant that being able to support his much loved grandchildren is exactly what he wants to spend his money on.

my in laws don’t but we’re still very very close them them and see them multiple times a week. They are not in the position to help in a practical sense due to finances and poor health.

Yes my mum is wonderful she is always buying my children gifts or taking them away on mini breaks etc..my father is the same (divorced) so almost like we have two sets of grandparents they can go to. MIL is shit. Never had them over night rarely sees them. FIL lives miles away but sends gifts alot and they are spoilt when we see him they are very lucky and loved but I wish MIL would just visit or play with them occasionally they don't need to be spoilt just feel loved.

Those of you that have support, your so lucky. I have my MIL for support and I feel very lucky, my parents and FIL are either too poorly or live too far away. No financial help here, we have done everything on our own.

PILs pay for accommodation and car hire when we visit them abroad. But we pay for their accommodation when they visit the UK, so it all evens out. They give the dcs a 4 fig sum for their Christmas gift.

But we don't need financial help tbh, we are far better off than my DPs and PILs. Eldest DD goes on a sleepover with them when we visit, but it's more of a fun night for her than childcare (we still have a younger DD with us so we don't end up being child-free).

We don't have any childcare support except for 12 hours preschool for early years learning, and we manage fine on our own really. Financially we are secure due to investments, and our work is flexible enough to juggle everything between me and DH. I like spending our weekends and afternoons with them and I'm quite glad really I'm not obligated to give up a lot of our time with them.

No, neither my parents contributed financially, or lived close enough to do regular childcare. My mum would help me out if I asked, but not to the extent my kids will receive financial help (largely via their dad, my ex, as he has a lot more money than me). None of my friends from school received any help with housing costs, though some receive some babysitting, but not childcare when working. So for me, no, not common for my age range (47) to receive a lot of help.

No, absolutely nothing.

In laws lent dh the deposit for the house which he has since paid them back. They paid all his university fees and living costs and previously all his private schooling.

my mum has given me lump sums of money over the years (£200 here or £500 one time, this week lucky enough she sent me £1000 saying she knew life costs lots for families at the minute which was so kind).

no physical or financial help with weekly childcare here. Grandparents will take them for an afternoon out and pay for it eg a farm day

Wow! Lovely parents

My parents did one day of childcare a week and the in-laws did another, they loved it and we were very grateful. They did the same for mine and DH's siblings so have been babysitters for quite some time now!

We've also had a lot of financial help from our families. £1000 here and there, larger amounts every so often and my sisters have been given house deposits (I haven't needed help there so my equivalent donation has been written into their will)

We know we're very lucky and will also receive decent inheritances but are in no rush for that and quite frankly don't want to think about that... 😟

We were very lucky with childcare, we were both FT, at least a day a week at either GPs. They'd sometimes have them for an overnight too. I'd like to be able to do the same for my kids.

No

To add, I'm probably unlikely to offer childcare if my son does have kids eventually as my life is very different to my mums. But I am supporting him financially at 22 to help him launch, in a way my parents couldn't have supported me. But their emotionally support was constant.