Do you parents/in laws help you or your children out financially or with childcare

[Warmsunnyevenings]

Just a nosy post really more than anything.

Almost everyone I know gets help from their parents or in laws.

Either through free, regular childcare. Or chipping in for the grandchildren's hobbies or things they need. Or giving grandchildren pocket money. Paying for giving money towards home renovations or paying for weddings, holidays etc.

Interested to know what help others get.

My parents and in laws mind our LO for 3 days out of the week.
We’ve had a lot of financial support from family over the years with buying a house and stuff for the baby for eg prams and nursery furniture. None of it was asked for and was all given voluntarily.
I’m always really surprised at the amount of people that don’t have family support, doesn’t have to be financial. Where I live my situation isn’t unfamiliar, we all have close family ties that help as much as they can. It’s not transactional, just family life really.

I really have made my peace with it overall but the thing that drives me mad is people who just don't get how lucky they are. A friend of mine the other day:

Oh what are you doing over half term?
Mil has the kids so a romantic city break
That's nice
Why don't you ever do that?
We don't have anyone to have our kids
Oh. Well it's amazing getting away without the kids
I'm sure it is
No really we only get to do it 3 times a year
I can imagine it would be wonderful

Like read the room!!

My parents do. I'm very lucky. My DM gives DD pocket money buys clothes
Ddad buys things she needs for school and pays for trips.
She's their only grandchild and they play an active part in her life.
In-laws are in their 90s and although they don't contribute financially my DMil always brings a little present.

Yes we had help with childcare in the early years. They did a day a week.

We also have had things like being bought a washing machine or lent a cadofor a few months.

It's been a huge help.

We hear exactly the same as that. A friend of mine was making a big fuss about her MIL saying she couldn’t offer childcare on a particular day and how inconvenient it was at such short notice.

I had to remind her that her MIL had provided literally FT childcare through nursery years at no cost to allow her to work. I paid £50k nursery fees.

Nope. Never had any financial help. Never had any childcare help.
We had to break our backs to get our own house deposit together while still renting. The most we got was my FIL’s sage advice “Renting is wasted money. We just bought straight away” 🙄

I do not intend for my kids to struggle like that. We’re trying to get to a position to help all three buy houses and provide child care if they’re local enough for us to do so (and want us to).

I can’t imagine sitting on our money, watching our kids go through what we had to. Especially when both sets were gifted incredible amounts of money from their parents.

At least we won’t feel obliged to care for them when they get older though.

So I gather from this thread that parents are either expected to provide regular childcare or pay for stuff? What if I am still working by then? Or I dont want grandkids?

As will many of you who want to provide as much support as your grandparents did.

Ours never have / did. DD is 6 now and we don't get any help in holidays either.

Nope. But sil gets every weekend, holidays and nights during the week.

Makes my dp very sad

If you don’t want grandkids, don’t have children. Simple

Or if you cant pay for childcare and house deposits, dont have kids? Simple!

Nothing. My parents barely take an interest in my kids.

Had occasional babysitting from both sides. When DD2 started nursery aged 2 yrs 9 maths and I got offered a job, DM picked her up at lunchtime until 3pm on two days.No financial help. I then worked around school hours so didn’t need childcare.
I didn’t expect help as my parents/ in laws had their own children so they shouldn’t be expected to bring mine up too!

We haven't had practical babysitting etc but that was because both DF and MIL were in 80s when we adopted DS.

My DF dies give me money every now and again - at Christmas he gave me £500 towards presents and hosting ( I buy on behalf of him his gifts) and then because he gave my brother 3k for something he needed he gave me 3k too.

I see my DF once a week - I take him out for lunch ( he trys to pay but I won't let him) and I also sort out things he needs (which my late Mum would have done) eg I just bought him some new towels and bath mats as his were old and a new toaster - he tried to pay but I said it was sorted .

So I gather from this thread that parents are either expected to provide regular childcare or pay for stuff? What if I am still working by then? Or I dont want grandkids?

As will many of you who want to provide as much support as your grandparents did.

Some of us have close families and it's just normal to help each other out 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do not in any way expect regular childcare or financial assistance

What would be nice is occasional help in an emergency like when one child is admitted to hospital being with the other one.

Or taking the kids for a weekend a year or two so that we could say celebrate our anniversary without the kids.

I am so close to my mum that she will be moving in with me once she is past 80. This isn't about closeness.

I didn't get help other than some emergency babysitting and other than baby sitting about 5 times year, I am not in the position to give more help especially financially.

This I would be very happy to do.
I doubt I will be able to offer weekly childcare.

well imo it is, if you are close to people you normally enjoy spending time with them. And if you grow up in that culture it's normal for gps to pitch in with gc and to help elders out.

I doubt I will be able to offer weekly childcare.

But if you can't because you still have to work I don't see why your dc would begrudge you. My in-laws and parents didn't work but I would never have expected more than a day each (very grateful for it) as it's hard work & they were retired and younger.

I am Indian. I lnow all about that culture and how women never get to rest.

We are immigrants so our parents never babysat. My in-laws and my dad helped us with the house deposit and a few other things though and we are super grateful. My mother doesn't have any money but we are equally grateful to her. They all love our kids and spend lots of time online with them, but can't help in any practical sense.

I wouldn't want that anyway if I am honest - I think family childcare often results in a lot of problems.

But it is rough when you're struggling and your parents don't seem to even care. It's awful having to have both kids in A&E because you have no one to look after the other one.

@Lentilweaver I'm not 😆