Do you parents/in laws help you or your children out financially or with childcare

[Warmsunnyevenings]

Just a nosy post really more than anything.

Almost everyone I know gets help from their parents or in laws.

Either through free, regular childcare. Or chipping in for the grandchildren's hobbies or things they need. Or giving grandchildren pocket money. Paying for giving money towards home renovations or paying for weddings, holidays etc.

Interested to know what help others get.

My Mother stayed for 2 weeks when DS was born.
My MIL looked after DS for 2 weekends.
He is now an adult, we have never had any financial assistance from any family.

Why are you astonished??? Quite normal where I come from.

We will assist DS financially our parents could not assist us. Both DH parents and mine were divorced, my Mother was actually divorced and widowed. All living solo for decades meant they were far less well off than we are as a unit.

PILs had us to stay a couple of times between rentals (with 1 then 2 DC) and once provided half a day of childcare. My DM was dead and my father was pretty much out of the picture.

We subbed MIL for a while after FIL died, and DH spent I don't know how many weekends sorting out her affairs in various ways or looking after her as she got increasingly infirm.

I used to get really pissed off with people who'd moan about how their own parents or ILs didn't do enough. Fuck, mates you don't know how lucky you are.

I don’t have children but DP does. We’ve helped financially over the years.
I’ve helped with emergency childcare when the grandchildren were young.
I refused to do two days permanent childcare on my days off. It was assumed that we’d either look after or pay

It’s definitely not normal where I come from. If someone needs handouts from their parents they shouldn’t have had children in the first place.

My parents gave us some money towards a house deposit, gave us a large amount towards our wedding, and look after DD in the holidays for a few days sometimes. We are about 3 hours away from them so we can't have regular childcare, though I know they would be more than happy if we were closer. I know they are putting money into a savings account for her but I don't know how much and that will go directly to her.
PIL have never given us anything or done any childcare. They are about an hour away. MIL died a long time ago but FIL has zero interest in the grandchildren. They did give them £100 premium bonds when born. He is quite wealthy and spends it all on the various women he has got through since MIL died. Is planning on marrying the latest one so we are not expecting any inheritance either!

Amazing help both practical and financial from my parents but in laws actually take from us despite us being very hard up at the moment.

There is an inheritance incoming (could be anything from £5k-£50k) and FIL has asked DH to give it to them to pay off their mortgage with the idea that DH will get half the house when they shuffle off.

I’m really disappointed that I’ve given my children such horrendous “grandparents” on that side and wish I’d married Irish rather than English as the culture divide is massive. No practical help whatsoever from them either.

I feel the same about my kids' paternal GPs, but wasn't to know - they were so good with their first GC (child of their daughter) but have been crap with my children.
Sadly also my parents are awful too. My saving grace is my deceased father's ex-wife (officially my step mother I guess, but I was an adult when they married), who though not local, does send cards and gifts to my children, so they at least have one elder with some sort of relationship with them, which does make me feel better. But their bio GPs are/were awful.

It’s definitely not normal where I come from. If someone needs handouts from their parents they shouldn’t have had children in the first place.

Some parents just want to help their children @Berlinlover - we don't even have kids ourselves but both sets of parents help us both financially and practically, and we help and support them in return. It's just part of being a family to help each other and to ease the burden if you can.

It's not about handouts or not being able to support yourself independently

I am Asian, so yes family help is a part of the way we live- I refused to accept any because I prefer not to- but I am astonished at the huge amounts here and the resentment towards parents who don't help.

Definitely dont want to pay for private schooling for GC for twelve years! I may be able to afford it. But I don't want to.

Also I dont see anything wrong with DC living in house shares or flats. Luckily neither do they!

No never had help. She mean at xmas they get nothing. I prob am resentful when I saw help others get. Its hard. Kids reared now. Sisters same zero help.

I give regular sums of money to my three adult children for birthdays and Christmas presents as I inherited a decent sum from my mother and had already made good provision for my retirement. I don’t need the money and by making regular payments from my surplus income, I am legally reducing their inheritance taxes. I know that my two children who have partners view the gifts as family money and either save it or buy family type things. I will be giving my son £5,000 when he gets married later this year - again within IT limits.

I would rather my children have the benefit of regular money gifts now than pay 40% tax when I die! They know that should my needs change ( ie care is needed) the gifts would cease or be reduced.

If any of my children were in significant financial need, I would do my best to help them out.

Sorry to hear your experience and that your parents weren’t helpful either. Yay for the step mother!

My FIL is completely shameless. Turned up empty handed when both mine were born, nothing for birthdays or Christmasses. Talks a big game about sending something through to my DH but nothing ever materialises. Always orders masses of food and wine when out to eat and doesn’t put his hand in his pocket whatsoever.

It’s such a massive contrast with my family where I have 3rd cousins of my mother who I’ve only met a handful of times sending hugely generous gifts and cards for all occasions.

You best believe I will be vetting the prospective in laws of my children and shall steer them away from binding themselves to selfish and narcissistic people.

Also, my mum dropped everything to drive 250 miles to look after us when I had children number 2 and 3, she stayed with us for a week and left me with a full larder and freezer full of home cooked meals!

When we were struggling during the financial crisis in the late 1980s, when mortgage rates soared to 17%, my mum came to visit every few weeks ( luckily only living 100 miles away then) and took me shopping to fill a trolly before she left. My mother in law volunteered in a charity shop and she bought good quality anoraks, jeans and sweatshirts for my children to wear. I was so grateful for this help and want to help my own children in a similar way.

Not a thing either cash or time.....

Although inheritance has enabled us to support dc through uni
Not likely to be inheritance from other side as they don't have much...
Age, ill health, distance and lack of practical interest...

No idea if will be a grandparent yet but would hope to be more engaged and helpful... Trying to enable at least some inheritance/financial support

I got nothing for my 50th. Some people just hate to spend anything😑