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Original poster

Would the police do anything?

373 replies

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:12

I wrote to someone telling them if they attempted to contact me or my family I'd contact the police. I've blocked them and their partner from all sm etc.

I then contacted their partner with a separate message.

They've written to me together.

Can I call the police?

OP posts:
Diningtableornot · 03/03/2025 13:18

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:20

It seems unfair given that I said if they made any attempt to contact me I'd call the police.

Sure, you can contact the police but what would you be contacting them about? If no crime has been committed or threatened the police will take no action. The police are not there to enforce your wishes about who contacts you.

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 03/03/2025 13:20

There is no law entitling you to the last word.

There is no law entitling you to chose who people can and cannot be friends with.

You don't get to pick other peoples choices about their social circle and you don't own mutual friends.

Grow up, you are not five and life is not fair.

You are married to a cheat.
He cheated with that woman and he's probably already looking for her replacement.
He will cheat again and that is on him.

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 03/03/2025 13:20

Your marriage is doomed.

You're clinging into something that's broken, threatening other people, trying to get police involvement and for what? To convince yourself a man who cheated is now back where he is loved.

If you truly felt that way you wouldn't be worried about the other woman and what she is doing at all and you wouldn't be threatening her husband either.

Get rid of the cheating arsehole and watch all the stress evaporate from your life.

ExcessiveNumberOfNinjas · 03/03/2025 13:21

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:20

It seems unfair given that I said if they made any attempt to contact me I'd call the police.

The police are there to solve crimes, not interevene in disputes between warring relatives or ex-friends. They are not going to be at our beck and call when no actual crime has been committed. And someone writing to you when you've asked them not to definitely does not count as a crime.

If you have reason to fear for your safety or are being stalked or harrassed you can seek a non-molestation order but they don't just dish them out to anyone who asks, there have to be sufficient grounds. Then and only then would the police be interested if the NMO was breached.

Presumably these people (your parents?) wrote to you anyway because they know your threat to involve the police holds no weight whatsoever. Don't engage with whoever it is, just put the letters in the bin unopened or return to sender.

sammylady37 · 03/03/2025 13:21

You’re being utterly ridiculous. Your ‘d’ husband is the one who cheated on you and betrayed you. And you appear to have forgiven him and still love him. Yet you want to control who this other couple see and socialise with?
Look closer to home to solve your problem.

GroovyChick87 · 03/03/2025 13:21

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:20

It seems unfair given that I said if they made any attempt to contact me I'd call the police.

But you wrote to them. Just leave it. Keep the letter and use it as evidence if they carry on.

Truzip · 03/03/2025 13:21

Three things:

1.) Several people have pointed out how illogical this is with examples of "if you reply to this thread I'll call the police" and you don't seem to have acknowledged any of this.

What do you think the police are there for? What crime have these people committed in your eyes? I don't quite understand what you imagine to happen. Do you think you can call the police when a person upsets you? What if they called the police on you because of your letter? Wouldn't that be equally as valid?

2.) I know it's common to blame the OW but "all her fault" has to be a reverse or complete denial. Did he trip and fall?

3.) Her DH is complicit so shouldn't be allowed to see your mutual friends? Says who? They're not objects you own. Why is your DH allowed to see mutual friends? Who decides who is allowed to see who?

MadeForThis · 03/03/2025 13:22

You should be angry with your husband. Forget blaming anyone else.

You cannot tell another adult who they can be friends with or where they can go. Just because you say so doesn't make it the law.

Notchangingnameagain · 03/03/2025 13:22

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:28

I don't want to say too much because it will be too outing

She had an affair with my husband. I wrote to her telling her how she is to blame for it all and that my husband is now where he is loved.

I contacted her husband to tell him to stay away from mutual friends.

Your husband is the problem.

TheDayBeforeYouCame · 03/03/2025 13:24

This is one of the most batshit threads I have ever read on here and that is going some.

SunsetCocktails · 03/03/2025 13:24

MN really opens your eyes to the mindset of some people

Saucery · 03/03/2025 13:25

But you asked her some questions that she declined to answer? So you were soliciting further contact from her, weren’t you. The fact she declined to answer them has no doubt made you even more angry. Plus a separate letter to her DH demanding he leave his social circle. They seem to be handling this in a much more mature way than you are tbh. Is it pissing you off that he didn’t kick his wife out?
There’s always going to be a massive reminder of the betrayal in your home and that’s your husband. Infantilising him as a poor misguided creature might work for now but that won’t last. Personally, I’d LTB as I don’t give second chances but some couples, with counselling and time can get back on track, so be honest with yourself about what he did and if there’s a way back from this.

LovelyLeitrim · 03/03/2025 13:25

This shows how people returning to cheating partners shouldn’t.

It drives you insane.

Sunnydays25 · 03/03/2025 13:26

You need to just ignore this - don't reply, they won't know if you went to the police at all.

As there hasn't been harassment, the police won't be interested, but if you could keep a log, if you think they may continue to contact you.

You've been through a lot, but you've decided to stay with your husband, so you need to move on, as the other couple are doing. If you can't bear to see them, or your husband in their company, you need to move, drop out of that friend group, or leave your husband.

LovelyLeitrim · 03/03/2025 13:27

GroovyChick87 · 03/03/2025 13:21

But you wrote to them. Just leave it. Keep the letter and use it as evidence if they carry on.

Show quote history

They carry on what?

saveforthat · 03/03/2025 13:27

SunsetCocktails · 03/03/2025 13:24

MN really opens your eyes to the mindset of some people

Yes if it's real. I really doubt people are that thick

Velmy · 03/03/2025 13:28

saveforthat · 03/03/2025 13:27

Yes if it's real. I really doubt people are that thick

Show quote history

They absolutely are 😂

Midlifecrisisxamillion · 03/03/2025 13:28

Oh for goodness sake. Why should the tax payer pay for any time spent on a cheating husband. There's no crime and even a phone call to the police would be an inordinately huge waste of time and resources. It's no wonder the public sector is snowed under. Your husband chose to do this. If you can't deal with seeing these people it's because you still don't trust him. Quite rightly so. You've chosen to stay with him so deal with it or leave him. I know which I'd choose.

Annettecurtaintwitcher · 03/03/2025 13:31

It’s not illegal to have an affair. What do you expect the police to do? And I bet it was as much your OH’s fault as it was hers.

ViciousCurrentBun · 03/03/2025 13:31

It’s entirely up to your friends who they see.

Be very careful op my friends DH had an affair and she was the one who got dropped by their big friendship group in the village. People don’t always take the perceived side of the angels.

You are quite clearly losing the plot over this.

What you should have done was get rid of your cheating husband.

Toooldtopretend · 03/03/2025 13:33

And these people are allowed to vote 🙈

MikeRafone · 03/03/2025 13:34

you need two pieces of evidence for harassment. Ignore the letter and hopefully they will not contact you again - if they do then take a civil case for harrasement through a solicitor

https://www.moore-tibbits.co.uk/news/understanding-civil-harassment-claims-your-legal-rights-and-options/#:~:text=Victims%20of%20harassment%20can%20pursue,persistent%20and%20causes%20serious%20distress.

saveforthat · 03/03/2025 13:35

Sorry for being a bit harsh op, I absolutely understand the hurt involved in relationship breakdowns. You want to hurt them back. Just leave it. Time as they say is a great healer.

LovelyLeitrim · 03/03/2025 13:35

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:28

I don't want to say too much because it will be too outing

She had an affair with my husband. I wrote to her telling her how she is to blame for it all and that my husband is now where he is loved.

I contacted her husband to tell him to stay away from mutual friends.

So you write to her telling her the affair that her and your “d”H was all her fault, I mean I expect he fell over and his dick landed in her by mistake.

But, you don’t want her to contact you in response. I’d assume because she would put you straight about what actually happened.

Could you get your head any further in the sand?

Velmy · 03/03/2025 13:36

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 13:13

No the letter just said said that they were sorry, but they didn't feel it was possible to dictate where they go. That they'd like to move on..She said she wouldn't reply to the points I made in the letter I sent her.

The DH was complicit in the end. That's why he shouldn't be able to see our friends.

My goodness. So you solicited contact from them, and now you want to call the police because you didn't get the response you wanted?

You're acting like a child in the playground. I'd be very careful OP, if I was one of the mutual friends in this situation and I found out you'd been trying to tell people who can and can't socialize with me, it'd be you I'd be cutting off.