Would the police do anything?

[DontKnowWhatToSay25]

I wrote to someone telling them if they attempted to contact me or my family I'd contact the police. I've blocked them and their partner from all sm etc.

I then contacted their partner with a separate message.

They've written to me together.

Can I call the police?

You can't dictate where other people go or who they hang out with. YOUR HUSBAND CHEATED ON YOU. He made vows. He is meant to be loyal to you. HE IS NOT A VICTIM! Stop acting like she did something to him. He was a willing participant. Poor little H wasn't led astray by an evil woman. He made lots of decision big and small ones to betray you, deceive you and to shag her. Catch a grip and place your blame very firmly where it belongs.

Blimey-having read all your posts I think I can see how 'he was lost'.. if this is a sample of your behaviour. Lol. TBH I think I'd feel a bit lost if I was living with someone as deranged as you sound.
You are obvs the kind of person who goes off in a strop if you can't have your own way. Just as you are flouncing of MN because you didn't get the responses you wanted to hear.
Get help. You will alienate all those around you if you keep behaving like this!

And btw -he 'came on to her' but 'she is evil'?? Have you listened to yourself???? He is a fully adult person, and it takes two to have an affair. Face it OP-he CHOSE to deceive you and shag her.

You cannot seriously believe that.

She's a shit friend. The truth is he had an affair because he could. She was an idiot for responding to him. This didn't come out of the blue did it? Why on Earth you think he's blameless when he's clearly orchestrated it is beyond me. He didn't just accidentally fall into her vagina. I get it because I've walked this mile but I promise you that he will do it again. Especially now he's realised you think he's a victim! I really do feel for you but you need to wake up and start thinking about what the future looks like.

😂

Is it a wind up

Can you explain why all of your anger is directed at her and (bizarrely) her husband and but not your husband?

When you say he's 'now back where he is loved' did he actually move out at one point because of this affair?

You talk about him like a lost child or dog who has been brought safely home to the bosom of his family. It's like you think she kidnapped him and brainwashed him into shagging her or something.

You realise he's every bit as responsible for this as she is, right?

He kept pretending to her we were unhappy because he didn't want to trigger her. He didn't know how to handle the situation.

I have absolutely no idea what this is even supposed to mean.

Also, he came on to her so the situation was entirely of his own making.

More responsible OP said he pursued OW and "lied" that he was unhappy

Contrary to popular belief the police can be quite helpful in these circumstances. See if you can contact your community officer for advice.

For cheating husbands? I doubt it.

@DontKnowWhatToSay25 is he blaming you for this for being lost and feeling unloved

There was a thread within the last month about making adultery illegal and prosecuting the ow. Wonder if it's the same poster.

Yeah righto!

What circumstances? OP has contacted the other party, threatened them and they have then responded (and not threatened her). How are the police going to help here?

Hopefully by getting the OP to stop harassing her cheating piece of shit husband's bit on the side.

OP when my husband cheated on me, it took a while to get my head around it. We had a good sex life. We'd been together for 20+ years. We had children together, and shared interests. We also had our own time away from each other. When he told me that he was unhappy and needed some space, I believed him. When he told me he was having a breakdown, I believed him. When I found out that he was sleeping with my friend, I also blamed her. As far as I was concerned, if he really WAS having a breakdown, then she preyed on him, and to an extent I would still maintain that. BUT regardless of how much you hate what they've done to you, ultimately SHE isn't the one who made vows of fidelity to you. Breakdown or no breakdown, he still had the capacity to say "no".
I really think you need to get some professional counselling to work out what you really want out of your life. You can continue to blame her and whitewash his part, but I will guarantee that you will never be able to trust him again. Everytime he's late home from work. Everytime his phone pings. Everytime he mumbles in his sleep. Everytime, your mind will question.
I wish you the best of luck and happiness in the future.

When every reply essentially tells you something and you reject it, that in itself should tell you your thinking on this matter is wrong. You have a narrative with your 'D'H as victim and won't change that so it is pointless that you stay on the thread.
You're saying he had sex with her putely so he didnt upset her. Next time the opportunity arises there's nothing stopping him repeating his actions. He knows you'll take him back and even excuse his actions. I've never read anything like this.

That would be a first in my experience and I worked with the Police in my area for over 12 years, perhaps they're different in your area but they deal with crime where I live....occasionally, if you push them.

As many of you had already suggested, this was indeed a reverse.

I have done my husband and my friend terribly wrong by having an affair. I am having therapy and really trying to move on with my life. I haven't contacted her or him since everyone found out.

A month ago I received an excoriating letter, all fair enough apart from the fact I was blamed for everything and yes every quote in this thread is direct from it. It was my fault he lied. I'm fundamentally evil. Etc etc. She ended it by saying I was banned from attempting to reply etc

Then my husband received a message with a copy of the letter and the message to stay away from friends. This just seems ridiculous.

I'm trying to find boundaries and rebuild our lives and I'm sick of the threat of contact from her and this bizarre thought she has a right to control us.

I wanted to email and politely ask her to leave us alone. My therapist talked me through it and why it might be helpful for boundaries etc. but I don't want to get in trouble obviously.

I am surprised your therapist has suggested engaging and responding to the letters. It would surely be better just to completely ignore them and continue to not interact with them at all. It would only be appropriate to contact her to ask her to stop contacting you, if she does it repeatedly, andor the content is threatening or harassing.

I mean, you’ll get short shrift on here OP – nothing MN hates more than a reverse except for the other woman! – so I’m not sure what you’re looking for, but really, the best thing to do would be to leave them alone entirely. Obviously your mutual friends can make their own choices and no doubt will, but she knows that really, she doesn’t need you to tell her, and I certainly wouldn’t be writing back to do so.

She has made her decision – as has your husband – now she has to live with it. Which must be excruciatingly hard for them both. No need for anyone to stir the pot and make it any harder.

Honestly. I think that its "a reverse" is odd.

The truth is if the wife, and your husband don't hold you BOTH accountable you won't repair your marriages.

Shes clearly hurting and blaming JUST you is unfair. But you don't get to demand fairness when you did betray her too. Let her hate you, let her blame you. Do i think this will end well for her marriage if she blames you and your husband not hers? No. But thats not your concern. Just continuing leaving them alone.

As for the police and keep away from mutual friends. Just ignore her. It's not a crime. You can see who you like but don't engage in this. I feel writing back will just enflame this, give her the last word but continue seeing who you like. Focus on yourself and your husband and move on.

Yes I see your point.

I guess the difference is my husband and I aren't trying to control what they are doing or writing letters to them or messaging them.

I just wanted to be polite and clear.

But I see your points. Thanks

Continue on that high road then.

You don't owe her an explanation and it won't calm things down.

Sometimes silence is response enough