Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would the police do anything?

373 replies

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:12

I wrote to someone telling them if they attempted to contact me or my family I'd contact the police. I've blocked them and their partner from all sm etc.

I then contacted their partner with a separate message.

They've written to me together.

Can I call the police?

OP posts:
Onabench · 03/03/2025 12:46

You might have a leg to stand on they were persistently harassing you but it sounds like only one letter? In which case no, you can't call the police

RedHelenB · 03/03/2025 12:46

MissyB1 · 03/03/2025 12:35

" my husband is now where is loved" Eugh! He's a cheat and he will do it again!

Show quote history

It's the lust OP needs to worry about.

moose62 · 03/03/2025 12:46

You obviously want to call the police...so go ahead...this forum cannot decide for you. The police wont be interested. Your husband is the one in the wrong - he is the one married to you who cheated. If you wish to blame the other woman, go ahead, it wont change the facts that your husband is a cheater. You say he is 'now where he is loved' does that mean you didn't love him before? Either way, I think you are trying to minimize his part in all this - I'm sure she didn't force him and it takes two to tango. Leave the OW alone and just concentrate on the mess your marriage is in.

SalfordQuays · 03/03/2025 12:46

I sincerely hope that if you contacted the police they’d tell you to stop wasting their time. They’ve got better things to do than get involved in your marital problems. If you are being harassed then go through the problem channels, get a restraining order etc.

Is this a reverse by any chance?

Velmy · 03/03/2025 12:48

You contacted them, and they replied to you.

It's not a crime to reply to a message/letter. What are you expecting the police to do about it?

You're being absolutely ridiculous and contacting the police would be a massive waste of their time and resources. It's not their job to stick up for you because your fella can't keep it in his pants.

Kedece · 03/03/2025 12:48

Don't be so ridiculous. It's not a police matter. They haven't broken any law. Sending one letter isn't harassment either

Just enjoy your prince of a husband being back where he's loved 🙄 & forget about them

BasicBeach · 03/03/2025 12:49

Sounds like she wasn't harassing you, you can't call the police for effectively someone having an affair with your husband
It's not illegal any more

MzHz · 03/03/2025 12:49

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:28

I don't want to say too much because it will be too outing

She had an affair with my husband. I wrote to her telling her how she is to blame for it all and that my husband is now where he is loved.

I contacted her husband to tell him to stay away from mutual friends.

I'm sorry, but I am cringing at this. You should have just left it.

Your issue is not with either of them, its with your cheating H

my husband is now where he is loved Why are you so determined to 'love' someone who betrayed you. It's not point scoring, you didn't WIN. She didn't lose.

You lost faith and trust in your H. the only person losing here is you. You got the runner up prize.

I know that probably lands hard, and I'm so sorry, i really am. I know this stuff is the worst, but you need to focus on YOU here, and making the best of your life as it is. Your H has cheated (at least) once. He has got off with it, he will very probably do it again.

TheWombatleague · 03/03/2025 12:50

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:28

I don't want to say too much because it will be too outing

She had an affair with my husband. I wrote to her telling her how she is to blame for it all and that my husband is now where he is loved.

I contacted her husband to tell him to stay away from mutual friends.

So it's you threatening and harassing them? I'd be careful you're not the one getting a police visit.

MissyPants · 03/03/2025 12:51

I think it's because they know the police wouldn't do anything.
Why would the police be interested in somebody contacting you? They haven't done anything wrong by law.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 03/03/2025 12:51

Just block everyone. You can't tell someone to stay away from mutual friends, its not your choice.

Your husband cheated and you are saying it was all her fault, it takes 2, even if it was just he didn't have enough willpower to abstain

The police won't do anything as its a domestic.

Unless of course they threaten you, but you contacted them

Shodan · 03/03/2025 12:53

The police are not there to form a back up for people who write threatening letters.

If I were you, I'd stop writing threatening letters and concentrate your energies on working out why you think the OW bore all the blame for your husband's affair. As the saying goes- it takes two to tango, and he clearly was quite happy to tango with her.

TheFormidableMrsC · 03/03/2025 12:53

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:12

I wrote to someone telling them if they attempted to contact me or my family I'd contact the police. I've blocked them and their partner from all sm etc.

I then contacted their partner with a separate message.

They've written to me together.

Can I call the police?

You do not have a leg to stand on here. You contacted them. Indeed they could report you for harassment. Honestly, you need a divorce and a better life than one where you are stuck with a cheating prick who you'll never be able to trust again. Also, you can't tell a grown adult (who, by the way, is also a victim of your husband's and his wife's affair), that he mustn't speak to mutual friends. Who do you think you are.

I feel for you, I know it's hard, I've been there myself but you are at risk of looking utterly ridiculous here.

KilkennyCats · 03/03/2025 12:53

You can’t set the police on someone for contacting you when you’ve told them not to, op.
It’s not a police matter.
Unless they’re actually threatening you?

Star81 · 03/03/2025 12:53

I understand this all must have been very hard on you but ultimately when it comes to mutual friends they have a much right to be friends with them as you do.

you’ve clearly decided to stay with your husband which is your choice to make but you can’t make choices about other people’s lives. It would be up to mutual friends to decide not to be friends with them, it’s not your choice,

if you would find having for friends common too hard maybe you and your husband should step back from friendship groups where they may be involved because although you and the OW husband are innocent in all this there is always a fallout where couples decided to work it out and stay together and it changes relationships around you, you don’t get to dictate others lives only your own I’m afraid,

Velmy · 03/03/2025 12:53

Also, if anything, it is more likely that the police would consider you as the one 'making threats' if you're warning people to stay away from mutual friends.

You don't get to tell people who they can be friends with, that's for your friends to decide. What do you intend to do if the couple don't stay away from your mutual friends?

kellygoeswest · 03/03/2025 12:53

It doesn't sound like any crime/harassment has been committed (unless there's more you haven't told us about the content/frequency of their messages).

It does sound like your anger is very, very misplaced.

LaTristesseDureraToujours · 03/03/2025 12:54

In my personal experience, police aren’t even arsed to come out for actual issues that have been acted on (in my cases, extortion and stalking by a stranger). I doubt they will want to get involved in a personal matter where no crime has actually been committed. Sorry you’re hurting, but this isn’t the way to move forward.

Dodeedoo · 03/03/2025 12:54

Hold on.. so your husband had an affair but it's the other woman's fault???
You then told her husband not to contact your mutual friends? The police will do nothing and rightly so. Is this actually for real?

ShamrockShenanigans · 03/03/2025 12:54

LOL, I love MN sometimes.

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/03/2025 12:55

The police can take action over harrassment, ie where someone has made it clear they do not want any contact and the other party persistently makes contact.

One response is not 'persistently makes contact' however and you'd need to prove the harrassment before the police would give a shit.

As for the husband being 'back where he is loved' - he's not a cat who was kidnapped and held against his will... he's a human who chose to cheat on you. He'll do it again.

MissMoneyFairy · 03/03/2025 12:56

They may call,the police to stop you contacting them, whys it all her fault, what do3s your husband say about his affair and your messages.

Scout2016 · 03/03/2025 12:57

I really hope this isn't real.

You can't tell people who they can be friends with.
Men who have affairs aren't looking for love.

You're being willfully blind and obtuse here.

Go on, call the police and say you took it upon yourself to write an insulting letter making accusations to one person and an unreasonable demanding threatening letter to another, but somehow you are the wronged party.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 03/03/2025 12:59

Hi
Police officer here.

They may technically be harassing you, however it will be dependent on what they said in their joint letter to you, imo.

If their letter says 'We're really sorry that all this has happened and agree not to contact you again, after this letter, and won't talk about this to mutual friends' then police probably won't do anything.

If they have replied calling you insulting names or threatening anything then they're more likely to take action.

You can't prohibit her DH from talking to his friends, regardless of whether you're also friends with them.

(Also, it's not just her fault, it's your DHs fault. He cheated on you, she didn't.)

ChristmasPudd1990 · 03/03/2025 12:59

Police have more important things to do.