Would the police do anything?

[DontKnowWhatToSay25]

I wrote to someone telling them if they attempted to contact me or my family I'd contact the police. I've blocked them and their partner from all sm etc.

I then contacted their partner with a separate message.

They've written to me together.

Can I call the police?

You were meant to be her friend and you fucked her husband. It's easier for her to blame you than him. It's a pretty wanky thing to do not just to her but to your friendship group. You need to take responsibility for your part in that. You really shouldn't shit on your own doorstep. I get why she's pissed off but nothing you've done is actually criminal. Unless you are harassing her or him. Personally, I'd ignore and go about your buisness. Although, I don't imagine dinner parties will ever be the same again.

Stay very well away from them. Block them. If you receive anything further contact the police. They will probably issue them with a notice explaining that you wish for no contact. There's already a course of conduct. If they pursue it, it is harassment and the police do take it seriously.

I know for most this is obvious. And I'm not trying to illicit sympathy because I know how badly I've messed up and it's my fault. I wish I could go on TV and explain to everyone the shit affairs cause.

I’m confused by this “reverse”. Are your actions those of your “DH” (pretending your marriage is bad and coming on to your friend) or are you the friend (did dirty with friends OH who was telling you his marriage was unhappy)? Still don’t understand the role of the “complicit husband” 🤯

I’m struggling to see any semblance of a healthy relationship, maybe a fresh start would be better all round.

@DontKnowWhatToSay25

Took me a minute to (re)place all the players.

You're the 'friend' who had the affair with the notOP's husband.

First off, shame on you. But you know that, I hope

However harassment is harassment. It is not right for the wronged wife to harass you. If she is making 'repeated and unwanted contact' and you have told her to stop, then report her to the police. But once you've told her not to contact you, you need to maintain a strict 'no contact' policy with her, no matter what the provocation.

As far as her 'demands' that you and your H stop going places they might be, well, she can't do that. You are free to go wherever and associate with whomever you choose to. As is she. Are you concerned with some sort of confrontation if you are both show up at the same place? If that happens, just ignore, make no eye contact, turn away.

They don't know anything. I complained my neighbour was walking up and down the flat roof of my disabled living extension. They sent a PCSO who went next door, came back and said ''It isn't trespass for them to climb on my roof to cut their trees, which were planted some time after the building.

She said she saw the deeds which gave them access to maintain their property. They have to ask first, and anyway, the front of my house is good 10 feet from the back of there's so they never have to come onto mine to maintain there's.

Yes I am the 'friend'. Believe me the shame is overwhelming.

I didn't ask her to not contact me, I've not spoken to her. She wrote me a letter with all the I'm evil and he's back where he's loved etc and threatened me with police if I attempted to reply. Then she messaged me husband telling him to stay away from mutual friends.

I'd not reply, but I'd ignore the mutual friends bit and your husband should do the same

I wouldn’t reply to the letter, personally I would keep my distance front mutual friends just for a short bit but your husband is innocent in all of this. He’s done nothing wrong so he shouldn’t be dragged into it in the same way, he shouldn’t completely ignore the letter. She cannot choose to keep friends and expect your husband to deal with being cheated on alone.

Do your mutual friends know what's happened?

I have no idea. I don't think so.

I have no desire to tell anyone, no desire to set off bombs etc I just want to move on, as does my DH.

@DontKnowWhatToSay25

Well, I'd assume that at some point she'll be telling mutual friends with the intent that they drop you and your DH as friends. Frankly, if I were her I wouldn't keep the affair secret. But maybe she doesn't want her husband's betrayal known, even if it is 'all your fault' (it's really not).

So there has been no communication from her since her nasty-gram to you and her demand that your DH stay away from mutual friends, is that right? Then simply ignore her and do not respond to either communiqué. Leave it and carry on with your lives with the assumption that she's vented her spleen and is done.

If she does contact you/DH again, your next action will depend on what she says. Actual threats should be taken directly to the police. Further abuse or demands should be responded to with "Do not contact me/us again in any way. If you do I will contact the police and report you for harassment". Then follow through.

As far as 'just want to move on'. I'm sure you do. But you need to realize that you've already 'set a bomb off' in her life and there are consequences to doing that. This is something that's going to follow you around for quite some time.

No nothing more, she included a copy of the nasty gram when she messaged DH.

I would be surprised if she was telling people because the question would surely be why is forgiving her DH. But I've no idea.

So what if she's telling people. She's angry. Shes is innocent in this as are her kids. Surely, it's not a shock to you that she would be angry that you, her friend, was shagging her husband. She's "forgiven" him (more fool her). But, I'm not surprised that she's warning everyone to hold on to their husbands when your about. Her husband can't be trusted but neither can you.

If you've heard nothing more, I'd consider that 'communications' between you are at an end. She's had her say, you've ignored it. Done.

As far as her telling others, you know, most people don't dig too deeply into the reason why someone is forgiving their erring spouse. After an initial "Are you leaving him?" they usually just keep their mouths shut when the answer is 'no' if they want to keep the friendship.

And there is usually a great deal of sympathy for a betrayed spouse and an 'acceptance' of their erring spouse. Sort of a 'love me, love my dog' thing. TBH, she really has very little to lose if she 'tells'. But of course, that's up to her. Just don't think because she hasn't yet that she never will. The timeline for that is all up to her.

I'd think though that if she has told mutual friends and it's been a few days or more that you would have noticed 'something off'. A cooling of a friendship or even direct questions. TBH if I was a mutual 'good' friend I'd certainly be asking you "What the fuck is going on?", especially if the news came completely out of the blue.

I remember my gran telling me "The things you do by two and two you pay for one by one". Next time you're tempted, remember that.

You've got a bloody nerve calling it a "nasty gram" after you've shagged her husband and probably destroyed her life. Have you any idea how this affects people?

You and her husband are bloody rotten and can't be trusted. You've got an absolute bloody cheek complaining about her venting her spleen at you.

damned right… and if I were part of the friendship group I’d not be extending any invitation to you @DontKnowWhatToSay25 , any woman who’d shag a friend’s husband isn’t a friend I’d want within a million miles of me.

likewise him. Your sordid affair partner. He’s scum to do that to a mate and to his wife? No. Dropped like a sack of shit that he is.

@TheFormidableMrsC You've got a bloody nerve calling it a "nasty gram" after you've shagged her husband and probably destroyed her life. Have you any idea how this affects people

That would only be valid though if the wife sent a letter targeting the OP solely about her part in the affair. Sending a letter telling her she’s the sole cause of the affair, as her DH is completely blameless, a victim, and has been wronged by the OP, and that her poor cheating DH will be allowed to mix with the friendship but OP and her DH will not, also indicates a person who has a ‘bloody nerve’.

Edited to add that if I was part of the friendship group, I wouldn’t want to mix with the cheating DH, his wife as she is obviously utterly batshit, or the cheating OP. I couldn’t speak as to whether I’d want to mix with OP’s DH as no idea. If he’s just a guy whose wife has cheated then no issue, if he’s displaying the same batshit behaviour/mindset that the male cheaters wife is then I’d strike him but otherwise not.

Two of their closest friends are a marriage based off of an affair.

I didnt reply to either the letter or the message to DH but I wish I had just to tell her that we have no intention of telling anyone. She won't want anyone to know and that's totally fine but I just wish I'd taken that opportunity to tell her that.

As I say she threatened me with the police if I try to contact her and 'hurt her family again' so I didn't want to message.

That phrase was referencing the poster before.

I don't believe at any point I complained about her venting her spleen at me. I just dont think she can then message us repeatedly telling us where we can and cannot go all while maintaining her DH is some sort of innocent victim. I mean this could go on for years couldnt it, DH contacting hers saying how he is at blame etc etc.

I've made he biggest mistake of my life. But my biggest mistake was to my husband. Her husband is irrelevant to us. He could have been anyone.

What crime? Having an affair?

Well he wasn't irrelevant to you when you risked everything, almost destroyed both of your relationships and families for a, quick and seedy, how's your father.