Page 11 | Would the police do anything?

Mela74 · 03/03/2025 19:11

Lostworlds · 03/03/2025 17:20

Your husband made his choice to have an affair, he cheated. Yes the woman is horrible as she knew he was married but he is his own person, he can decide not to have an affair like so many people in this world. He had the affair, it’s on him.
If I’ve read this correctly then you cannot dictate where this woman and her husband go and who they see. If you have mutual friends and you and your husband don’t want to see the affair woman then it will need to be you who moves on from the friendship group. It’s not the other woman’s husbands fault, you can’t force them out of the group.

This is not a police matter and you will be wasting police time for reporting it.

The OP could end up with being charged for wasting police time and a harassment warning too. It’s awful that her husband had an affair but she should keep the police out of it.

Tigerraar · 03/03/2025 19:19

ERthree · 03/03/2025 16:54

Depends which country you live in. England, nothing will be done. Not sure about Wales and Northern Ireland. Scotland you can report them as if you feel upset/ violated/ insulted you can report it.

It isn't a crime to make someone upset 😂

This whole thread is nuts. OP, no crime has been committed here.

whatnooow · 03/03/2025 19:40

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MrsKeats · 03/03/2025 21:19

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:28

I don't want to say too much because it will be too outing

She had an affair with my husband. I wrote to her telling her how she is to blame for it all and that my husband is now where he is loved.

I contacted her husband to tell him to stay away from mutual friends.

You mean your husband had an affair with this woman,

housethatbuiltme · 04/03/2025 12:42

'You can blame me if it helps
That's what a good wife would do
But you're only cheating yourself
Choosing him over the truth'

'Diane' by Cam (designed as the response from Jolene)

MolluscMonday · 04/03/2025 12:47

OP, you sound like you are (understandably) in enormous amounts of pain and (again understandably) trying to gain control of a situation.

I’m really sorry, but I don’t think this is how you will get what you really need, which is to move on.

Have you had any counselling?

starsinthedarksky · 04/03/2025 18:41

The police won’t do anything yet. Ignore them, block them, don’t engage with them. If they carry on messaging you, then you can report them for harassment but even replying and saying anything even if it is to tell them to go away means you’re engaging with them and you can no longer say it’s harassment.

Source: idiot me who had someone harass them and because I said leave me alone after 10 messages in a day, I could no longer claim it was harassment because I was “talking” to them.

Laura95167 · 04/03/2025 18:47

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:28

I don't want to say too much because it will be too outing

She had an affair with my husband. I wrote to her telling her how she is to blame for it all and that my husband is now where he is loved.

I contacted her husband to tell him to stay away from mutual friends.

The police won't care unless she contacted you and made a threat.

I know this is hard to hear but this woman owes you nothing. Your husband is the one who owed you loyalty and didn't honour it. Loved or not, it didn't slow him down.

She isn't to blame. He is. He made vows to you not her.

And if you feel able to forgive him and love him still that says loads about you but then you have to forgive him, you have to ignore her and you have to make him be the accountable one. He's the one who betrayed you.

You can say don't contact me or ill call the police but atm they're snowed under. People have to wait to make reports about burglary, sex attacks, shop lifting. Someone messaging when you asked them not to isn't a crime and you're letting her wind you up more.

Focus on your husband, maybe go for marriage counselling. This woman isn't worth your attention

DeadSpace3 · 04/03/2025 19:18

Tell the police they've been making hurty word comments on FB about Starmer, they'll soon be round.

Laura95167 · 04/03/2025 19:18

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 13:13

No the letter just said said that they were sorry, but they didn't feel it was possible to dictate where they go. That they'd like to move on..She said she wouldn't reply to the points I made in the letter I sent her.

The DH was complicit in the end. That's why he shouldn't be able to see our friends.

This is wild. You got an apology.

You don't get to decide who your friends. "Shouldn't be able" its madness. I get that this hurts and you need some control back but you're looking in the wrong place.

Stressed2025 · 04/03/2025 19:53

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:28

I don't want to say too much because it will be too outing

She had an affair with my husband. I wrote to her telling her how she is to blame for it all and that my husband is now where he is loved.

I contacted her husband to tell him to stay away from mutual friends.

How on earth is she entirely to blame? Did she drug your DH?

PassingStranger · 04/03/2025 20:05

Please will you let the police get on with solving real crime, not because angry families are exchanging letters.
Is your life in danger no, so forget it then and throw the letters In the bin.

GuideMe123 · 04/03/2025 20:07

But sounds like there is threatening behaviour-from you OP.

I think you need to take some time out, digest everything and have a read of these replies.

Blades2 · 04/03/2025 20:31

So.
your pathetic no self controlled baboon of a husband had an affair, and you’re sending actual mail to these people dictating who they can and can’t see?
are you okay? I think you might need to see your GP

McYummy · 04/03/2025 21:21

I'm sorry your DH has put you in this position.
It is unfair, but this is a life lesson: You can't control other people's actions, only how you respond to them. You have chosen to respond to DH's actions by accepting him back as your DH. You can choose to respond with dignity to the actions of OW and her DH by simply moving on with your life. Trying to punish them won't solve anything and it is neither your job nor that of the police to do so. Only involve the police if someone commits or threatens to commit a crime.

Donsyb · 04/03/2025 21:30

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 13:13

No the letter just said said that they were sorry, but they didn't feel it was possible to dictate where they go. That they'd like to move on..She said she wouldn't reply to the points I made in the letter I sent her.

The DH was complicit in the end. That's why he shouldn't be able to see our friends.

You need to move on. You cannot tell them what to do and who to see. If you report it to the police they’ll likely charge you with wasting police time. They’ve done nothing illegal.

Enchantress222 · 04/03/2025 22:31

I think the police have more important crimes than dealing with letters. It’s not harassment and you sound deluded. Of your DH has had an affair he’s as much to blame as the woman he had an affair with. But you can’t tell people who they can and can’t see. If it was me I’d be getting myself a lawyer and drafting divorce papers and focusing my effort there not on silly little letters. Who even writes letters it’s not 1970.

Shotokan101 · 04/03/2025 23:23

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:20

It seems unfair given that I said if they made any attempt to contact me I'd call the police.

Stop whinging- block them and move on.....

Pippyls67 · 04/03/2025 23:56

They haven’t committed a crime though. That’s all the police are there to deal with not stuff like this.

llizzie · 05/03/2025 01:46

DontKnowWhatToSay25 · 03/03/2025 12:12

I wrote to someone telling them if they attempted to contact me or my family I'd contact the police. I've blocked them and their partner from all sm etc.

I then contacted their partner with a separate message.

They've written to me together.

Can I call the police?

No one can tell you what the police would do in a hypothetical case. You will only find out if you go to them.

Recently, two women were killed while one of them was on the phone to 999.

The women had repeatedly begged the police for help and they did nothing.

If the police won't do anything when someone's life is in actual physical danger, do you think your problem is serious enough for them to respond? It is up to you. If you would feel more easy if you told them, and gave the reason why you asked these people not to contact you, they will decide whether to take up your problem or not.

Try them, then come back and tell us what they said and did.

Thistlewoman · 05/03/2025 02:30

I'm sorry, but having read all your posts on this thread I'm stunned. What are you, 16??!!
The police deal with CRIMINAL activity. you have described no criminal behaviour towards you which would warrant Police involvement.
The Police aren't interested in affairs-married persons or not. They are not interested in people feeling that someone or a situation is 'unfair'.
Honestly if you contact the Police about this they will tell you it's not a Police matter as you've described it.. they might even have a laugh after you are gone that you somehow thought they'd step in like a headteacher, or a parent!!
Really-unless there is more you haven't told on this thread, and which IS criminal, take a deep breath, stop thinking about wasting Police (and your own) time, and get some counselling. Your cheating husband needs to be a part of that too.
Good luck.

CharityShopMensGlasses · 05/03/2025 02:44

OP it sounds like you've been through a really distressing time, no wonder you'd like not to see them again. However the police do not get involved in this kind of thing unless there was harassment/ malicious communication. It was awful of your husband to have an affair with a mutual friend. But you can't choose or control anyone's behaviour going forward.

NiftyKoala · 05/03/2025 02:50

Mela74 · 03/03/2025 19:11

The OP could end up with being charged for wasting police time and a harassment warning too. It’s awful that her husband had an affair but she should keep the police out of it.

Show quote history

Agreed It's not illegal to have an affair. Your dh cheated. Be mad at him. It may feel to you like you "won" but you definitely didn't.

HoppingPavlova · 05/03/2025 06:38

OP it sounds like you've been through a really distressing time, no wonder you'd like not to see them again

Yet, OP is happy to see her DH every day. How on earth does that make sense?

Pippyls67 · 05/03/2025 07:16

You need very much to seek help from a trusted friend or family member who can help you see things in a more rational light. Your Dh and this woman both did a thing which ended up hurting you extremely badly. I’m so sorry for you in that respect. You’re in the same boat though as vast numbers of people who have experienced the same. You’re not alone. It’s more common than you think. It’s just something you have to process yourself and try to make some kind of peace with in order to carry on living your life. Make yourself stronger through new friendships that are just your own and not part of the previous friendship group. This will help you the most. Begin a sociable hobby or join something new. Make life about you and finding what makes you happy.