Would the police do anything?

[DontKnowWhatToSay25]

I wrote to someone telling them if they attempted to contact me or my family I'd contact the police. I've blocked them and their partner from all sm etc.

I then contacted their partner with a separate message.

They've written to me together.

Can I call the police?

There is no crime so the police will not care. What a bizarre thing to threaten to do. They rightly point out that you have no right to dictate anything to them either. You need to move on or move away.

The police won't be interested.

Telling someone not to contact you does not give you licence to contact them and insist on no response. If you really don't want any contact with them, don't send them any messages at all ever.

Is this a reverse? Because, if not, you need to sort yourself out some counselling. It would be lovely if you could just banish every trace of your husband being a rotten, cheating liar, and you were able to trust him completely forever more. But unless you live on an island with no other people, you will always wonder if he is where he says he is. I’m assuming this woman didn’t hypnotise or blackmail your husband into having an affair with her? Then you’re directing your anger at the wrong people.

You cannot threaten people with the police for replying to letters you have sent them.

In the absence of a restraining order, you cannot tell people where they can and cannot go.

You cannot tell people that you do not want them to see their friends anymore. More importantly, you cannot tell your friends that they cannot see the OW’s husband anymore. They will think you are insane and will stop being friends with you. You sound as though you’re clinging onto your marriage by your fingertips. Now is not the time to be chucking your friendships away.

No good will come of it and you will be reminded of how impotent you are to stop your husband having an affair if that is what he has chosen to do.

If they had previously been threatening to do you or someone else serious harm, yes it may be an idea to contact the police, but in this case, no you are being ridiculous and wasting their time.

The DH was complicit in the end. That's why he shouldn't be able to see our friends.

Not quite understanding you're view here.

I understand you are hurt, but you don't get to dictate where they go or who they see. And, as I say, you can't tell them not to contact you and then contact them. If you want no contact, it cuts both ways.

But how is your call to tell her husband to stay away from mutual friends???

You need some therapy and to work on your self esteem.

This post of mine should be the final word on this subject. If anyone else says anything, I am calling the police.

What crime do you think they have committed? Your DH had an affair with this woman. That is shitty behaviour but not illegal. They haven't done anything apart from respond to your letter. You don't have any authority to forbid them from contacting your mutual friends.

HRTFT, but from this I'm getting that you are threatening them with the police if they don't do exactly what you say (where they can go, etc), because they had an affair and he left you? They are not threatening you, or doing anything illegal? I think the police have better things to do than police your relationship.

She had an affair with my husband. I wrote to her telling her how she is to blame for it all and that my husband is now where he is loved

Your DH should definitely call the police. The only way she is to blame for it all is if she had a gun, literally put it to your DH’s head and made him, or threatened to kill you if he didn’t. Given this must have occurred for her to be to blame for it all, then he should absolutely contact the police to provide the details.

So, you wrote to the couple, warning them away from undertaking perfectly legal activities, then threatened them with the police if they responded to you? I'm really struggling to see that you have any grounds for involving the police because not doing what you want isn't a crime, and the police are not there to help you control people. The only way this could conceivably be a police matter is if it met the bar for harassment, and one letter responding to you contacting them, sounds unlikely. You could look up the definition though and judge for yourself.

@DontKnowWhatToSay25

The police deal with "laws" that people have broken. What law do you think - using a strict definition - has been broken?

...they didn't feel it was possible to dictate where they go.

If by this they mean that you cannot tell them not to go to places where you/your DH will be, they are 100% correct. You can't. If they want to go to XYZ club, pub, sport event then they can. What makes you think you can 'ban' them?

The DH was complicit in the end. That's why he shouldn't be able to see our friends.

Then it's up to DH (and you) to avoid them. It's a free country, they can go where they want.

She said she wouldn't reply to the points I made in the letter I sent her.

As far as 'reporting them to the police' I'm not completely clear. Did you send them letters/texts saying 'do not contact me ever again' or did you send them letters/texts demanding they answer questions then ended it with 'never contact me'?

If you 'invited' contact by asking questions or inviting comments, then the police won't do a damned thing. You asked them to respond, simply by posing questions in the first place.

If you simply said "Do not contact me again" and they responded in a threatening way, then by all means speak to the police. But you saying "Don't go to X place anymore" and them just saying "We will if we want to" is not harassment. Harassment is 'repeated and unwanted' contact, not you making demands and sending a list of questions.

I understand that you're in pain. But what you're doing is foolish. Just STOP. No more messages and if you see them out and about, turn around and walk away. And that goes double for your 'D'H.

Hahaha!

You’re mental OP.

Hope your poor husband is ok after being forced to drop his drawers and ride this terrible woman. Lots of cuddles for him.

Depends which country you live in. England, nothing will be done. Not sure about Wales and Northern Ireland. Scotland you can report them as if you feel upset/ violated/ insulted you can report it.

😂

The law says that two unwanted contacts after being warned that the contact is unwelcome is a course of conduct. Don’t respond and see if they continue to contact you. They would receive a harassment warning but if you respond to them, it’s an argument.

You can’t dictate what someone else does. You should be worried that you will end up with a harassment warning.

Your husband made his choice to have an affair, he cheated. Yes the woman is horrible as she knew he was married but he is his own person, he can decide not to have an affair like so many people in this world. He had the affair, it’s on him.
If I’ve read this correctly then you cannot dictate where this woman and her husband go and who they see. If you have mutual friends and you and your husband don’t want to see the affair woman then it will need to be you who moves on from the friendship group. It’s not the other woman’s husbands fault, you can’t force them out of the group.

This is not a police matter and you will be wasting police time for reporting it.

That’s fine if you tell them that and that alone. But you can’t expect to contact someone bombarding them with questions, before then contracting their spouse asking them to stay away from other people, and then try to suggest that they’ve ignored a request not to be contacted.

If you read the OP's follow-ups, you'll see that this is very much not what's been happening. The OP sent a nasty message to a woman, told her she wasn't allowed to reply, and then continued to harass the woman by messaging the woman's husband as well. The OP is the harasser here.

Go on, they could do with a laugh

Yes, I read them and replied to the OP.