Does anyone else struggle with the concept of death?

[CrazyOldMe]

I just don't understand death.

I don't get how a whole personality can just disappear suddenly, leaving nothing material behind.

The fact that I, my loved ones, plus everyone on this planet will die, is just incomprehensible to me!

Anyone else feel like this?

I’ve lost my own parents recently and it’s made me relaxed about death and accepting of the fact it’s the end; there’s nothing beyond. My parents both had good deaths, without suffering or long illnesses and they certainly were not frightened. It’s all we can hope for as it’s coming for us all. Memories are all we have.

I think that death is the last taboo. I think it's important that we treat death the way we do and most of us are a bit afraid of it, hard wired psychologically, so we don't just easily end it, either ourselves or others.

The only dead body I've seen was my full term baby daughter who was stillborn 27 years ago. I had such a distinct relationship with her because of the way she existed and then didn't. The only way I could cope with it in any way was to have a kind of barrier between me and my feelings. To protect me. The barrier is largely down now but the feelings are still strong.

I’m not religious, and don’t really struggle with death as a concept. After all, before we are born (conceived I guess!) we aren’t anything…we’re born and live for however long we live, hopefully having fun, doing good, enjoying ourselves along the way, and then we die. There’s nothing to be aware of afterwards.

Even though my husband far too young (he was 48) I didn’t struggle with the concept that he was dead. I thought it was unfair, it was too soon, it wasn’t right…but understood he was dead. And now, 6 years later, I still ‘feel’ him in my life. Not in a supernatural, spiritual or religious sense. But there are things I do became he did them, things I make that he used to make and that I like, and some of his attitudes to life, to travel, and topeople. There are things around me in my homes that we accumulated together. And although neither houses are ones he lived in it makes me smile when I think that if he could see them he’d recognise them as ‘home’ even though a lot has changed. But then, we pick up things from so many people in our life that they live on in some small way for a long time. A silly example, but I love home made salted almonds with a glass of champagne. I make them because my mum use to make them at Christmas - she still does. And she did it because her mother, and grandmother before her did…. I sometimes think of both of them when I’m making them. So that ‘connects” me straight to my great grandmother - who was probably born 130 odd years ago.

After 25 years together I was no longer ‘me’ as I had been before we met, so after he’d gone I didn’t revert to the old ‘me’ , if that makes sense. We are all the product of those in our life’s, and hopefully we only take forward the good bits!!

The fact that any of us get here anyway is so random, I try not to fret too much about the ending. It’s like we won the lottery to even be alive. Think of all the potential people who are never born! All we can do is try to make the very most of the life we have, and know that every other human being who ever has been, is, or will be in existence, is on the same journey - different routes, but same destination. It might sound odd, but it’s a comforting thought, for me, anyway!

I don’t struggle with the concept, tbh. Although raised a Catholic, I’m now an atheist and don’t believe there is anything after death, I will just cease to be and will have no awareness. I’m not frightened of that. Nor am I hell bent on leaving any sort of legacy or ‘living on’ through others or deeds, I think that’s quite a narcissistic aspiration, tbh.

No, I don't struggle with the concept at all. I'm out in nature a lot - maybe that connection helps? We're just another part of the constantly shifting universal flow of birth, life and death. I aim to live life lightly and to not grasp and hold on too tightly.

No. You return from whence you came, back into the universe. Life goes on. What you were lives on in the memory of those you leave behind. When someone close to you dies, you see this first hand. Every day, years after I lost people, I still have reminders of them, I carry them with me. They form the texture in my life.

No, I don’t worry about being dead, at all. I rather like graveyards actually. I look around at all the graves with the names of people at peace now. I think about all the struggles they had and the things they worried about that are over now. And it makes me think that I shouldn’t worry, and the things that bother me will someday just be …nothing. So I should take the time to enjoy life now, because it won’t last forever.

The actual process of dying, now that worries me a lot. How will it happen? Will I be in pain? Will I spend weeks in hospital? I think about that a lot.

There's a YouTube channel called Coming Home about near death experiences. Believer or sceptic, it's worth watching a few videos if you're feeling like this. Fascinating stuff.

Has anybody on this thread had a near death experience, or experienced the presence of someone who had moved on?

I'm kind of curious about what happens after death.

I didn't used to. I was very pragmatic about it, and felt it's just a natural part of life, and that we decompose and go back into the environment. We live on in the sense our atoms live on. I'm a hardcore atheist and do not believe in an afterlife. I used to find the thought of death quite comforting, as I wouldn't want to live forever and I wouldn't particularly want to start over in a reincarnation!

I now have a 9mo DD, and I find it a lot harder now. I struggle knowing that she could die and the finality of what that means. I struggle knowing I'll only get a finite number of years with her. I struggle that one day I'll die and leave her and we'll never see each other again.

I don't worry for myself but I do worry for my kids. We don't have a big family and it terrifies me that I could die before an age that they're reached adulthood and self sufficiency. I adore them and I love being a parent but when I start worrying about my dc being without me (worrying about their wellbeing in general actually) it really makes me wish I was just a single person with no one depending on me.

I do find it weird from my own perspective that one day I will just cease to exist and every memory I've ever made or thought I've ever had will just disappear. But I don't fear it as such, it's just a strange thought.

I'd like to believe in an afterlife where we'd be reunited with the loved ones who've gone before but I think more realistically it's just the same as before we were born. No pain or thoughts or awareness. Just nothing.

It's is very odd. A close friend of mine died a couple of years ago. Time has kept moving on, and although it broke me for a time, I'm OK now. I thought that's what my kids will do, after my time comes. And maybe their kids as well, and then one day, someone will think of me or say my name for the very last time. And then I'll be gone.

No I don't feel this way. I think death is just the natural cycle.

It terrifies me and always has.

The fear has worsened since I hit my 50's, I find it a strange time of life, you start experiencing more losses (parents, in laws, friends parents passing etc) and the more people I lose the more life makes zero sense. I know it's not meant to but I have always wanted to have some kind of understanding or at least an acceptance that this is all there is and to feel at ease with that and sadly I don't. My husband is of the belief that there was nothing before him and there will be nothing after. I wish I could live with that thought.

I sat with my mil for over an hour after she had died, it was such a strange feeling, holding her still warm hand, talking to her yet knowing the person I had known for 30+ years was gone, body still there but the very essence of her had vanished completely. Gone, just like that.

This is how I feel.

I try hard not to think about it. Like you say OP, a whole personality just ceasing to exist. It freaks me out.

I mean, good for you, but this isn't true. You'll be dead. Dead and gone.

Same, my mum has Parkinson’s and her parents Would be devastated at how she is now and it haunts me and then I worry what will take my son amd wonder why we reproduce knowing we all have some awful death.

For now at least, I feel very at peace with death for myself. I'm not at all suicidal but I have a strange sense partly of satisfaction that I've experienced some lovely things, that my loved ones at this point would be fine without me, and that gosh I'm tired and wouldn't mind just having nothing to do anymore! I realise I probably won't be aware of being at rest, but having nothing on my 'to do' list still appeals!

I don't tend to worry about loved ones dying, because once they are gone they wouldn't be suffering, though I know I would be a mess. I DO worry about awful things happening to them that they would be aware of, but not actually death....

The real question is, why do you exist NOW?

Your parents had sex. On a parenting website, you have to ask that?

But how do you know?

I mean you could have been aware or whatever before birth but just don't remember?

I don't remember being a new born but I was

I don't think one way or another but who knows, maybe there's nothing, maybe we're reincarnated .. it's just interesting what other people think and feel really.

I don't get how a whole personality can just disappear suddenly, leaving nothing material behind.

What we call "personality" is the set of thoughts generated by neurons firing in our brains and habitual behaviours that we have learned during our lives. When the brain is no longer supplied by oxygen, these neurons stop firing and the brain cells that store our memories and habitual behaviours die.

We are all four minutes away from irreversible brain damage if the oxygenated blood stops flowing.

I have had lots of relatives and friends die. I still struggle with the idea I will never see them again.

I don't really struggle with it in the abstract sense. I can easily trot out platitudes about it just like everyone else, but if I think about the reality of it applying to me then it gives me a real jolt. It's bizarre to think that one day my heart will stop beating, I'll stop breathing and then I'll be gone. Maybe to some kind of afterlife, maybe just into nothing. It could happen tomorrow or in 50 years or any time in between. It could be drawn out and painful, or I might not even know it's happening. I mean all this is all obvious stuff, but if I think about the reality of it then it seems somehow unbelievable.