Does anyone else struggle with the concept of death?

[CrazyOldMe]

I just don't understand death.

I don't get how a whole personality can just disappear suddenly, leaving nothing material behind.

The fact that I, my loved ones, plus everyone on this planet will die, is just incomprehensible to me!

Anyone else feel like this?

The idea that consciousness is miraculously produced from a few cells at conception seems ridiculous, to me.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergence is the mechanism by which that works.

It makes much more sense to me that the mind is a formless continuum that moves from life to life.

Now that, to me, is impossible. Something formless, by definition, cannot be intelligent.

Holy fuck!

Suzanne shares The Awakened Way™, a path to living a consciously connected and divinely guided life, and created the BLESS ME© method of connecting to Higher Consciousness and the SIP of the Divine© meditation. Her gift of multidimensional communication has been verified by noted afterlife researchers.

Snake oil.

I used to but after losing three loved ones in a short period of time and being at their deaths and following two hospice nurses and reading both their books, hospicenursejulie and hospicenursepenny on Instagram, I now have alot more acceptance and peace with death.

I'm going to take the wonderful quote from up thread, about being a piece of the universe that has been surprised into life and extend that out to wonder, what is it that surprises it into consciousness?

I'm getting dangerously close to wondering about the presence of some sort of deity after all. I like the idea of returning to the big pool of consciousness after physical death.

Not scared of Death (and I'm also holding out for an anthropomorphic personification, preferably Pratchett's DEATH, Bill Door.) I am scared about the lead up to dying.

Yes, and I struggle with the idea of all the people who came before too. I have a box of family photos going back to the 1930s, obviously in those days photos were for special occasions so there are days out, Christmases, christenings, Easters, birthdays all with people in their best clothes. They are all gone now, and one day we’ll all be gone too.

I'm a Christian, and I believe strongly in life after death. But, I still struggle immensely with losing people here. Even if I know I'll see them again.
I've got no fear of my own death though.

The only thing that bothers me about death is the thought of losing DH or one of the kids - the concept of death, that of grandparents, the eventual death of parents (hopefully not for a very long time though) or even my own isn't something that plays on my mind. I hope it doesn't happen any time soon of course (parents or my own - lost my grandparents years ago), but it is an inevitable part of life.

I don't believe in an afterlife but I do believe that there is a heaven or hell of sorts in terms of how you are remembered and the influence that you have had on others, so I do think it is important to live well.

'Hell' is where you are not remembered fondly or missed, or perhaps are remembered in a negative way because of how you have treated others.

'Purgatory' is where you are not remembered at all - you may not do anything bad in your life, but you haven't done anything good or kind either that has had a positive impact on someone else.

'Heaven' is where you are loved and missed. Where you have had an influence on someone and leave something positive behind, whether that is something that will go on forever - from the 'big stuff' like music, art and charity work to one small act of kindness that someone remembers.

There were a couple of examples from previous posters up the thread - one said they were sad that after she'd gone, no-one would be left who remembered her grandparents - but they clearly had a positive influence on her and would have contributed to who she was...so they will live on through the people that know, love and remember her - even if they didn't know her actual grandparents.

Similarly the poster who talked about someone coming to her brothers aid and how it influenced her and that she tells her kids about it. That person who helped, will live on through her actions as a consequence of his.

life is finite and that things are more beautiful because they’re temporary

I've come to appreciate this so much more as I age. I try to be conscious of how fleeting my time with the people I love is in the big scheme of things so that I focus on the important things and let the petty stuff fall away.

This morning I was sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee with my dog curled at my side and my husband chatting away and I just let it all wash over me; the mundane coziness and contentment. Because someday all that will be left is that memory.

There is a sadness and a beauty to the brevity of it all.

No, not really. Very trivially, I will be completely unaware of it and unable to reflect on it or feel bad about it in any way, so it doesn't bother me at all. At least for a while, people will still remember me, things that I've created will still be around, traditions will maintain. So in fact my "personality" will fade away to some extent, rather than disappear completely. I'm far far more afraid of the process of getting very old/ill/incapable/in pain. That's the bit I prefer to block out and pretend won't happen. And just hope that I will go straight from fairly healthy to just gone in an instant, without the awful bit inbetween.

I'm also more worried by the idea of DH, my sisters and close friends dying. DH is 10 years older than me, so that is something I am very likely to face. But not really in a "struggling with the concept" way. Just in a "I would miss them" way. I see my MIL approaching 90, having been very sociable all her life, still very good for her age but losing more and more of her friends (her husband and sister already gone). It's not fun being the last one left! My plan is to try and make more younger friends!

It's a Finnish poem posted a long time ago on Mumsnet when someone asked about funeral readings

Yes, he was really looking out for my child the day she died. Not.

I sometimes go through phases of being really sad that I will (hopefully!) not be there for my DC when they die.

OP, I'm pretty scared about just not existing any longer. Like literally what is the point of life if we just die. I guess the fact is that there is no real personal point to it; we're just cogs in the wider machinery of life.

I try not to think about it too much 😅

The thought of sleeping for eternity horrifies me although some days it's quite a nice thought !

You won’t be sleeping though. You’ll be dead.

This resonates with me. My mum died 10 years ago, and I see her in my 6 year old daughter's mannerisms and expressions. They didn't meet, but to me it's clear that our relatives live on through us and our children. Maybe one day, my daughter will look at her child, or grandchild, and see a little piece of me.

I am quite fascinated by dying and death.

I'm scared of how I will die, like most people are. I am not scared of being dead. I am not depressed, but this life is hard and the knowledge that one day I will be at complete peace is not an unwelcome thought.

I have watched people die and have helped prepare a person for the hospital mortuary, which I felt was an honour and an experience that did make me feel more at peace with dying.

My children's father died (ex husband) when they were little. Sometimes they will say something, or just pull a certain face that reminds me of him and takes my breath away. I see some of his mannerisms in our grandson that he never got to meet, and as others said, they live on in this way.

Having been with pets that have died in my arms then no it seems logical to me, lije falling asleep.

I struggle with it. I don’t find it fascinating at all. I watched my father die on end of life care - it took days. He essentially starved to death and it was the most horrendous thing I have ever experienced. The whole time was spent torn between not wanting to lose him and wishing he would pass so he and our family could be at peace. I miss him so much. I still can’t comprehend how we are supposed to live decades of our life without those we love, and who love us, the most on Earth. I am scared of dying and the thought of leaving my children and not knowing how their lives will turn out fills me with such sadness. I hope that I live to a ripe old age and I get to be with them for as long as I can. I am also scared of my partner dying and having to live without him for years and years.

I'm not scared of death. Both parents have gone so if there's something afterwards I will be with them.

I'd be a lot more scared of being stuck here in this nightmare with everyone else, seeing the world get worse and worse. No thanks.

Nothing happens. If you are buried you decompose. If you are cremated, you ashes sit in an uurn or are scattered.
Other than that, nothing, nada, end of.

But you won't 'know' you are not with them
You won't 'know' you are dead

I just think that as I wasn't bothered about things before I existed, I won't be bothered about anything when I'm dead.

I have an adjacent experience lately that makes me think about how weird it is to be in a body. Having surgeries in the last few years has done it - this idea that I have to hand my whole self in for an operation, that all of me is at risk if one part of me needs to be altered surgically. I always knew it intelectually but it gets weird when you do it a few times. Maybe other people who have this experience more than I have come full circle and it gets normal again? Sometimes I think I accepted lots of things when I was younger because they made sense but didn't really understand the full meaning of having a temporary body, and of that body BEING me. Not a thing I'm in. Does that make any sense? I've also had the thought of how did I get inside myself, and I can't express it very well, but it's kind of related to other people's comments about parts assembling and becoming conscious. Like, how? Why am I inside this and not some other consciousness? I dunno. If I try and understand it fully it feels like someone presses the fuzzy button and turns me around and I just start doing laundry again. 😆

I'm coming back to this thread because I hate this fear of death that I've had since I was a kid, there's not a day I don't think and worry about my parents or my death ever since I was a kid.

Most days I look around me and think most of us going about our life right now will be dead in 30/40/50 years, then I think about people I've known who've died and all this life that's carried on since, people going about their lives, technology etc just like they were never here never existed..that scares me..the nothing
Does anyone else have these thoughts?
I hate that these thoughts consume me every bloody day