Does anyone else struggle with the concept of death?

[CrazyOldMe]

I just don't understand death.

I don't get how a whole personality can just disappear suddenly, leaving nothing material behind.

The fact that I, my loved ones, plus everyone on this planet will die, is just incomprehensible to me!

Anyone else feel like this?

I was one of the ones banging on about parts and consciousness earlier. I think you express yourself well and your wisdom is coming through - it doesn't make any sense that these body parts assemble and produce consciousness!

The 'what am I?' Question is also very interesting, like am I my body, am I 'in' my body, what is my self? Again how can a brain produce a 'self' that is constantly changing, like the self you were before each surgery and after. Ultimately our 'selves' are just a collection of thoughts, which change over time. In my view our mind isn't 'in' our body, it's not as constrained as that. It can go anywhere without restriction. It's vast and can change/be changed in ways we don't envisage because we limit ourselves so much with our 'brain in body' mind view.

our 'brain in body' mind view.

Your brain isn't in your body, it's an integral part of your body. This misconception may be part of why you reject the concept of intelligence as an emergent process.

Yes, I did have an inkling that the brain was an integral part of the body

Apologies, are you the poster that previously replied to me with the wiki page on Emergence? Apologies that I didn't reply. Yes, the idea that something can arise out of nothing or out of unconnected parts, is a common one and it's an understandable theory to explore when considering where consciousness comes from.

It's a theory about how it happens. As I said for me another theory - the mind being a formless continuum that has the power to know and understand, that moves from life to life, fits far better with my experience of the world. Not so for you, and probably most, that's ok

Thank you for all the insightful responses! Lots to think about!

One of my closest friends is dying, only 57, diagnosed on new year’s day and in her final days. When I sit at her bedside I can’t believe that the real her is gone now, thanks to the brain tumours. It’s hard to accept that in a few days she will be gone from this world forever. But at the same i’m quite philosophical and understand the cycle of life and death. It just hurts a lot. Praying for a peaceful passing for her.

The logical side of me knows there’s no point in worrying about it. But I often still spiral. I lost several friends when I was 14/15. One had cancer. One in a car accident. Another in a train accident.
So knowing violent deaths from a young age has not helped. I think about death every day. I was walking the dog this morning & thought ‘What if I just drop down dead?’ Or when I’m driving the car I think ‘what if I get in an accident, & I know I’m dying?’ It honestly terrifies me. I’ll walk through the city centre & think ‘what if a bomb goes off?’ Not helpful, completely awful thoughts actually. I saw a clairvoyant last year who told me things no one else could have known, so it gave me some hope of something after death. It’s a hard thing to navigate and as a control freak I don’t like the fact I have no control over it.

I heard something recently that said exposure therapy can help with things like this. It was said in relation to health anxiety - the idea is that you repeat your fear over and over until it ceases to have power. So "I could have cancer" for example, repeated 100 times, until it becomes banal and doesn't trigger a spiral. Obviously worth research properly, I heard it on a podcast mentioned as an aside, but I have a bit of this because of childhood loss of a parent and also things that have happened in relation to my own health that have kicked stuff off somewhat, and thought it could be useful. In my experience, I have found that I have repeated 'My mum died when I was small' so many times that I almost forget the impact those words can have. I absolutely understand where very dark death related humour comes from and get it in a way that I don't think other people would understand - there's an American comedian, Taylor someone, who also lost her mum when she was young and she gets it completely. Our brains can absolutely adapt to the worst. What's tricky is when they start suspecting the worst all the time, and it never happens. Once a bad thing arrives, you can relax, it's here. I think the purpose of the desensitizing/exposure therapy is to get you to the state of the 'after', it happened, I'm still here. Because we are all still here.

I regularly imagine that my husband isn't going to come home, by the way. The hardest is when my brain decides to make the bad thoughts about my son. Thinking about the fact that I would ruin anyone who hurt him is what switches me out of that. I don't ruminate - I just need action thoughts, not fear thoughts, and obviously, that's the action that feels the most effective in my head! It's all just stupid brain stuff. It always passes. ❤️

Well said Jolly
The simple fact is that none of us know for sure what consciousness is, or what happens after death. I find the arrogance of religion and science to be most frustrating.

No, looking forward to oblivion when it comes.

I honestly don't. Both parents have gone so either I will see them again or I won't be aware of anything at all. Life has been so hard for me that I'm actually looking forward to finding out which.

I am a Christian but I don’t believe there is an afterlife (I think there are more of us out there than is possibly thought). I don’t think Heaven exists and I don’t believe I will see my loved ones again after we die. I think we cease to exist and that is that, just as before we were born. And to that end, it doesn’t scare me - I can read about Cleopatra and 1066 and Henry VIII and the Battle of the Somme and the Cuban Missile Crisis and not feel freaked out that I didn’t exist while they were happening, and I can get my head around the concept that there will be future events that will happen and I won’t exist. I also think that, although I don’t believe there is an afterlife, I am strangely comforted that when it is my turn to die, I will do exactly what other people I have loved have done - so it’s somehow less scary because my beloved relatives have done it before me, if that makes any sense at all. I feel more scared at the thought of people I love dying than the thought of my own death, although I don’t like the thought of dying prematurely only because of the impact that would have on my children. I hope they are by my bedside when I am a very old lady - that’s all any of us can hope for, I guess.

That's very interesting- can I ask how you can both identify as Christian and not believe in anything after death? As your beliefs seem more in line with atheism. Do you follow Jesus's teachings and just disregard the meaning of the crucifixion? Not being critical, just never heard this before. No worries if you'd rather not say!

I know, the afterlife is the aspect of faith I most struggle with and I freely accept that it puts me at odds with established religious doctrine. That being said, I know a lot of religious people, including at least one who is ordained, who feel the same way I do. I am totally on board with the concept of the crucifixion resetting our relationship with God and establishing the principle that we don’t need to sacrifice animals or go through other rituals in order to rid us of our sins - our own sincere repentance and efforts to do better make us enough in the eyes of God. But I cannot believe that there is a Heaven where our souls are floating about for eternity. I am more comfortable with the concept of eternal peace after death, and I see my faith as a reminder to live the best life I can while I’m alive.

Losing my parents and getting older has made me think about it more. My dad was quite afraid of dying I think. But I was with him when the time came and it was a “good” death. He had always been so independent but had suffered from infections and repeated falls in the preceding 15 months which triggered a dementia they say he would have developed at some stage. When he died, the look of peace on his face…like the hell was over at last.

This is lovely , thank you.
And to add, my views have changed a bit since getting older and becoming chronically ill, I suppose acceptance begins to develop, not sure how else to express it.