I am a narcissist

[ohyesido]

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

That’s the only thread on that particular subject I’ve ever posted on, anyone is free to search my post history to verify.

I don’t expect an apology but I will kindly ask you to stop trolling me.

You didn’t upset me.

@Brusselsproutsarethebest no just a temporary disablement of my account. I've now been vindicated which is right and fair

Why are you surprised a narcissist wants more attention? Isn’t that par for the course for a lot of them 🤷‍♀️ If OP really is a narc they probably won’t care about the digs.

Again with the nastiness and name calling from people who are apparently "normal"
People really are triggered by anyone not just like them aren't they?

@ohyesido nothing you said was a personal attack or could have upset anyone, from what I see. Some people will be upset about the existence of people among us who don’t play by the same rules. It feels unfair. But of course we aren’t playing the same game, so imo it’s ok!

Have you been exposed to grey rock from people around you? Do you care or notice? My narcissistic family member doesn’t notice as they aren’t interested anyway. It does keep me much safer though. My emotions aren’t generally engaged and vulnerable. I’m generally able to see the projection. She’s only reduced me to tears once in the last two years, which is progress!

Well you're still here so at least some of us are still interested 😁

Do any of you who are narc/sociopath-like (in case no formal diagnosis) ever get nervous about things? A job interview, making a speech etc?

@ohyesido can I ask a couple questions?
when you say about not doing things you don’t want to do, does that translate into boring life things, like paying for parking or going through security at an airport etc? Is it difficult to follow those sorts of rules for you?
genuinely curious!
Also your son, do you see him as an extension of you, like a limb that you’d protect the same as you’d protect yourself, or as a complete individual?

I do all the stuff I have to do, and that doesn't count as things I don't want to do (because I can see a point to paying for airport parking, therefore it's not a meaningless expectation put upon me)

I'd fight to the death for my son, but I'd probably be performing for a crowd

You weren't ignorant at all. You were beguiled by someone who made it their business to beguile you. It's very far from your fault. Children are very perceptive. Our mum did get us out when she knew he was hurting us too. She's the best and bravest person I've ever known. He's just dust. Dust that we could stir. But can't be bothered to. They're not half as clever or powerful as they think they are. And they're not worth even a fleeting thought!

Yes I'm also interested if you would feel nervous before a job interview etc.

Do you ever, non-performatively, cry at films etc?

@MK8MS only once, in My Girl when the girl was crying at the boy's funeral. That stung a little

Christ! I thought you were intellectually superior? I reckon your closest dalliance with culture has been eating a yoghurt.

Are you the one who said they didn't like to be humiliated too?

Funny you should ask that (although not to me and I’m not a narc/sociopath) but it used to drive me insane that my ex could get emotional at songs or movies but never shed a tear over me or the kids. Even with the breakdown of his latest marriage he confessed to missing their bloody dog (no kids thankfully). Never once in all the years I’ve known him has he ever said that about his own children.

Thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread after work.

It is definitely a spectrum. I’m not sure about it being a trauma response; I had a fantastic upbringing but a tricky start in life, which followed me through my childhood and occasionally still today. I can’t give details as it’s too outing 🤣 but I often wonder if I’m wired like I am because of that.

Everything @Hoppinggreen says applies to me, except I haven’t been diagnosed and nor will I seek to be since I feel it could only be to my detriment. I love my children unconditionally and I’m fairly sure I love my husband, although it’s a running joke in our house that he loves me way more. I definitely love him as much as I could anyone (children excluded) but I also think I’d be completely fine without him. He’s the only person I truly have as much respect for as myself (children excluded); I find most people disappointing after a while. I’m not sure how much of how I feel is because of how great he is in terms of impacting my life.

I don’t really fit the risk criteria, and I do largely learn from my mistakes, but I do tend to callously end relationships to see how the other person will react. I also enjoy burning my bridges more than pretty much anything. Luckily I think people see me as overly emotional rather than simply callous. I also have a tendency towards feelings of grandiosity; I literally think I’m the best person to walk this earth. Luckily people think I’m being ironic here

@BornSandyDevotional see that kind of mean stuff just makes me raise an eyebrow. What did you gain from that?

Sorry. Think I might have got the wrong person. But - even so!

"Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it."

I think you get away with it a lot less than you actually think you do.

People will notice but just roll their eyes and not say anything.

Tiresome for them.

Part of your problem is that your judgement is so poor that you don't even realise people are aware of your manipulation...

I've seen it before..

I grew up with a violent show-off. I like poking show-offs when they can't hit me. Because they're utterly unconcerned about the damage they do. And it's fun to make them question their cold little selves.

@BornSandyDevotional do you think that makes you better than them?

Our little gal here isn’t smart enough to question herself properly. Probably thinks “insight” is an eye test.

@Brusselsproutsarethebest is that you trying to get me to notice you again?

No. Not at all. It's just satisfying.

'I don’t really fit the risk criteria, and I do largely learn from my mistakes, but I do tend to callously end relationships to see how the other person will react. I also enjoy burning my bridges more than pretty much anything. Luckily I think people see me as overly emotional rather than simply callous. I also have a tendency towards feelings of grandiosity; I literally think I’m the best person to walk this earth. Luckily people think I’m being ironic here.'

@Straightjacketsandroses

But surely if you're having delusions of being the best person in the world, you wouldn't think you're making mistakes?

@JandLandG you talk like you know me.

I get away with it every time. No one can play the role of wounded innocence quite like I can