I am a narcissist

[ohyesido]

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

@ZebedeeDougalFlorence it’s more likely hyper vigilance taught by exposure to dangerous people. But I agree it’s disabling.

I can still feel the relief when a neurologist friend casually said, ‘Oh, some kind of personality disorder then.’. I had spent years trying to understand, rephrase, reorganise in order to make it easier to manage. I had been thinking about childhood trauma, about ASD, but it not quite fitting. Narcissism makes so much more sense, as a working diagnosis.

They’re not delusions. I don’t expect other people to think it. I’m pretty balanced really - I know my flaws and I know my strengths. I do know if I make mistakes, and I’m pretty good at learning from them. My self reflection is top notch

Job interviews are where I excel. I also love any kind of performance management in my job.

I cry at films if I can imagine me being in that position. I have two boys and anything with brothers in does get me; I find the history of the wars (particularly First World War) really upsetting because of this; it’s because I can imagine me being in the position of losing my sons. I’m really pretty great at empathising, I just don’t feel it.

I am always baffled when someone talks about losing a loved one if not a child or spouse. I just can’t imagine why they’re upset, although I get it on an intellectual level and definitely don’t need it explaining to me

You think we are the same person?
That would be comforting for you I am sure

One person is a significantly more believable proposition than several (!) sociopaths all having the same compulsion on the same day to be brutally honest for the first time in their lives 🙂

There are a lot of cranks online, MN has been positively reeking of them recently.

Well actually it isn't, because you're not "the best person to walk this earth." That is a major delusion of grandeur.

As I said, it would be nice for you and others to believe that there are so few people with PD's that 3 on the same thread just has to be a conspiracy.
But as has been said before it makes no difference what you believe, personally I don't care.

I'm very well cared for and I'm secure in the love of my DH. He knows what I am and it amuses him when he witnesses me and my antics.

Are you trying to convince us, or yourself?

Where did I say I was? My thinking it is not the same as it being true, in the same way that my thinking the earth is flat doesn’t make it true.

I miss a full stop off the end of my posts because it seems less final, less formal somehow. My grammar is otherwise perfect. We’re definitely not the same poster; the maths is more probable that on an anonymous forum, on a thread about narcissism (which has branched out somewhat), multiple posters with similar personalities are attracted to sharing their experiences. I do agree that our written affect is similar however

What vile crap have I posted exactly?
I appreciate that everyone is a bit on edge after the whole photos thing but I have no idea why you would relate that to this thread
I also have no idea why you are so triggered by any of this, as I said the only rudeness and insults have come from people who claim to be "normal"

Nor have I been vile. I actually see being ‘vile’ as beneath me; I have more finesse than slinging insults and being rude, and I’d certainly never do anything of the kind online where it leaves its mark forever. Do unto others and all that…

Just a technical question though. Can you actually change usernames once on a thread?

You used to be able to. I think MN cracked down on the sock-puppeting and being able to switch usernames mid-thread not that long ago.

Now you can only post on the same thread under one username. Unless you have 2 separate MN accounts and keep logging off one to log into the other. Not sure who’s got time for that though.

I believe so

I never claimed to be normal actually! Which is why I can spot such an obvious fake.

But the posters on this thread aren’t doing any harm. I don’t understand why you are so keen to shut it down?

I have been a consultant psychiatrist for 30y and have met many people with a PD. They are all different and have varying degrees of severity of traits. I don’t understand why posters who feel they have a PD, are being treated quite so nastily by a few others. And of course a thread like this will attract those who can relate to the OP. And they truly may have never talked about it online before.

It’s an interesting thread; I have not previously seen one like it. I don’t see the need to be so unpleasant to some posters talking about their lives and experiences.

Of course this may be a difficult read for those who have been the victim of people with narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder traits. I am not sure thought that that is a reason in itself to insult strangers online. The constant snide remarks and separate bitchy ‘conversations’ in the third person are getting quite irritating to read.

I would like to see a similar thread where people with other types of ND honestly share their experiences, I imagine there would be mostly sympathy rather than insults and accusations of lying.
For anyone wondering why some of us who believe themselves to have a PD (or who have been diagnosed) would want to share here have you any idea how bloody exhausting it is to never be able to express how we actually feel/think?
For once I was able to actually be honest and some posters decided I was lying or were very triggered.
Its not a thread where people who have been damaged by anyone with a PD should be really as I imagine they would find it upsetting (as evidenced by the insults and accusations). Despite what anyone thinks my intention (can't speak for anyone else) was not to hurt anyone as believe it or not I don't actually enjoy that in general.

You can't but I am sure it makes you feel better to think differently

That's true, Hopping! We feel more comfortable believing we can spot 'monsters'. Obviously people with personality disorders aren't necessarily monsters, as PPs have described.

I'm actually really fussy about who I spend time with because I'm very guarded.
I know that people who have done awful things have flown under the radar for decades. I probably wouldn't trust you, Hopping. If you were open enough I might respect you and stay around, but I don't think I would trust you- at least only within certain boundaries. Of course I could be wrong and I may buy it completely. I will never know!

I stopped taking you seriously when you said you had been diagnosed with sociopathy. No such diagnosis exists.

I think there should be safe spaces for people with ND/PD or who think they might have to be open to discuss this with peers in a non judgemental and supportive environment.

I have ADHD, and the best group I have ever been a part of is one with women in the UK with ADHD. It’s nothing but solidarity, understanding and support. You can whip off your mask and be your weird and wonderful self.

There is a huge value in peer/lived experience support when it comes to having a mental health condition/neurodiversity. As much society likes to shout about being accepting of mental health and difference, it isn’t not truly. (Backed up by some of the responses on this thread.) So safe spaces are needed desperately.

There are forums online for this already.