Beautiful child, how to respond

[Mlovelybabies]

This obviously sounds like a not-stealth boast, but how do I respond to comments about DD’s appearance? She is 2 and DS is 6. They’re both adorable but DD is especially striking, people cross the street just to comment on her beauty. (She looked like a potato when she was tiny, with jaundice and frequent eye infections! People would peer into the pram, shudder and couldn’t even bring themselves to say she was cute). I know that looks can change and beautiful babies might not be beautiful adults but I worry about the effect on her esteem, and on DS’s esteem. She’s a bit shy and just looks down when they comment on her looks. And I know DS feels jealous of the extra attention she gets even though he’s not particularly hung up on appearance.

my response currently is to say, “yes, they’re both very sweet/lovely/wonderful/etc” and not give it any more time. Does that seem appropriate?

I honestly hope this is a joke post because as a mother of many not ONCE have I seen my babies as more beautiful than the others... if it is a real post then I actually feel for your children

That sounds fine. My DD used to get a lot of compliments on her hair when she was little and I often used to respond with something like “oh, thank you and she is so kind at school, aren’t you?” or whatever so it was not all about appearances!

Very familiar thread 🤔

“Thank you. She takes after me, luckily”.

Don’t worry, people say it to all parents of small children. It’s like passing the time of day commenting on the weather.

I mean- some kids are cuter than others or more striking or attract more attention because they are smiley or whatever and so get different responses from strangers.

OP, I think your post seems pretty normal!

😂 your 2 year old must be incredibly intelligent too then, to be so demure when people compliment her? Two! My almost 3 year old would probably just roar or something.

If this post is real then just say ‘ah thanks! Yeah she’s a great girl’ or something and don’t make a big issue of it. We all want to feel beautiful anyway, don’t look for problems where there are none.

Everyone does this with my youngest (4). It must be really hard for her older Sister (7). People come over to us on holiday, in cafes etc to say how beautiful my youngest is.

My poor eldest is just sat there.

I never know quite how to respond to it either :/.

Just say yeah she’ll do

Was thinking same my 2 year old would def roar at them 😂😂... OP I actually feel really sorry for your DS

people cross the street just to comment on her beauty.

🤣🤣🤣

Well they'll just have to get used to it then.

How about quoting Mary Ingalls Wilder, “Many a good beginning makes a bad ending.” That should stop them getting too vain!

You say: "Thank you" and carry on with your day.

Passers-by do this to my dogs. One seems to attract much more attention, and praise for his looks, than the other 😔 This is despite them both being very good boys.
I just give the other one an extra cuddle.

This happened with my older brother and sister, he just happened to go through an angelic ringlets phase and got lots of compliments. My mother revelled in it and made my sister feel like shit about how "plain and chubby" she was. She was still banging on about it decades later. My brother hated it, and my sister has severe mental health problems and a long term eating disorder. There was other abuse contributing to that, but the shitty comparisons and being made to feel unlovable was definitely destructive.

I think your own response to the comments will be much more important than what strangers say OP. It won't sink in so deeply if you make an extra effort to build your boy's self esteem and make sure he knows what his personal strengths are and how loved he is. But I do wish people would be more mindful when they feel the need to gush about a child like this.

people cross the street just to comment on her beauty.

Stop it, you absolute silly sausage.

One of mine has this. I always say yes BOTH of my dds are beautiful. And give them a death stare.

Cannot understand how someone can't see how awful this must feel for the one who doesn't have these comments.

They don’t cross the street to comment on a child’s ‘beauty’. That would be freaky and no one does that..

Thank you. I'm very proud of both my beautiful children

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Suddenly the answer is clear.

Crossing the street to comment on a child's looks, sounds a bit much, unless they are from some top child's modelling agency, wanting to take said child on.

My middle child had that cherub look as a baby and a toddler and is still very striking looking now. People still comment on his eyes or hair and say nothing about the other kids, I tend to say something like oh yes they all have big eyes or something but it is tricky to deal with.

I get it OP! DS has always been the same, coupled with a ridiculously outgoing personality (I, for the record, am basically an introverted toad so it's been a steep learning curve!)

Just smile and nod, I try and teach DS to return compliments/notice the beauty/positives in others and say it so he thinks it's just normal life.

My youngest was exceptionally adorable looking until about 10 now he has thick glasses and spots so people aren’t crossing the road anymore … at the time (when he was old enough to understand) I just said “oh he’s a great talker and good company”’ or something about how he was kind to his friends - so he didn’t get too invested in looks being the be all end all.

Though I did go like this 😑when people said “he is SO good looking….does he take after his father?”

Sorry I know people have already commented on this but, people cross the street just to comment on her beauty - sure they do 😂