Beautiful child, how to respond

[Mlovelybabies]

This obviously sounds like a not-stealth boast, but how do I respond to comments about DD’s appearance? She is 2 and DS is 6. They’re both adorable but DD is especially striking, people cross the street just to comment on her beauty. (She looked like a potato when she was tiny, with jaundice and frequent eye infections! People would peer into the pram, shudder and couldn’t even bring themselves to say she was cute). I know that looks can change and beautiful babies might not be beautiful adults but I worry about the effect on her esteem, and on DS’s esteem. She’s a bit shy and just looks down when they comment on her looks. And I know DS feels jealous of the extra attention she gets even though he’s not particularly hung up on appearance.

my response currently is to say, “yes, they’re both very sweet/lovely/wonderful/etc” and not give it any more time. Does that seem appropriate?

Thank you, no it’s not a windup, and no I don’t think one child is more beautiful than the other. There’s something about DD that makes people go out of their way to have a look at her. And of course plenty of people cooed over him DS as a toddler but never people literally going out of their way. Maybe it’s also a girl thing too? But the point of my question was more about how to respond to strangers who praise one child and not both because, despite my knowing they’re both gorgeous, DS does seem aware that he’s not getting that attention and I don’t want his esteem to fall, or for DD’s esteem to be so tied to her looks.

I do try to give them plenty of compliments at home and not just about their appearance. (I also am not an especially attractive person, neither as an adult nor as a child) so all of the attention os quite foreign to me.

My youngest was gorgeous, still a good looking and striking teen but doesn’t get compliments so much now. I used to say “I am very biased but I have to agree”

Why so resentful of OPs post?

😂

I know that sounds ridiculous in OP’s post, but honestly people used to literally stop in their tracks to tell me how cute my DS was - he was 1 or 2 at the time. So this is not beyond the realms of the possible!

Count yourself lucky OP - I got these comments constantly when my youngest was little. "Oh look at her, isn't she just beautiful?" Unfortunately, "she" was a boy. He's 11 now and it hasn't happened for a while so hopefully he's grown out of his beautiful little girl phase. He still won't come to visit my 96 year old uncle with me though as he's referred to DS as a girl every time he's met him 😂

But did they patiently wait for a safe time to cross the road and then chase after you to say it?

Walking past and saying it, standing in a queue, I can believe.

Crossing the road to say it, not so much.

But did they cross the street, though?!

I’m not averse to saying a child has lovely hair or is very cute or something (the other day I complimented a stranger on her children’s names!) but I have never, and would never, cross the street to do so!

People used to do this with my sister

Wasn't great to be the one unremarked on at a similar age

People used to say this to me when my eldest was tiny. He was very pretty to be fair he was petite (2nd centile) with olive skin and dark hair and big massive dark eyes. The most touching was at CP on holiday when a woman said she didn’t usually comment on babies as she was struggling with infertility and it was hard but he was the most beautiful baby she’d ever seen. I mean he was cute but I don’t think much cuter than anyone else’s baby really, especially when I see pictures of him now as a baby . It stopped when he became a shouty toddler and no one ever said it about his wee brother, bless him. 😂 I just used to say thanks and move on.

I don't believe you that people cross the street to comment on her beauty. No way. No one does that, especially not for a child. How would they even be able to see close enough? If this has ever actually happened, it's because they were a creep with an agenda, not because they were so blown away by your child's beauty that they just couldn't help themselves. (Not to say she isn't beautiful.)

I had the opposite problem, my children were so ugly the villagers took up lighted torches and chased us out of the village.

I had someone cross the road and chase me into a shop when my teen daughters were little to tell me how beautiful they were.

After a 30 second conversation she tried selling me her Avon wares though.

It still counts .... right.

You have posted this thread, word for word, before. Why?

I hope they look left and right before they cross!

"people cross the street just to comment on her beauty."

Can they really see it from the other side of the street?

So glad other people remember now

Was starting to worry it was just me lol

Was this recently?

@purpleme12

I remember one similar but it was a grandma boasting IIRC

People used to tell me my kids were beautiful too, a lot of kids are paid that complement. You telling me people (plural as it more than one) cross the road to see this child?

Maybe they're carrying binoculars.

People used to comment all the time that DS was a beautiful baby girl. I just said "Thank you" and when they had departed, DD and I used to have a good laugh. Then one day DD asked me why they didn't say she was beautiful. Ouch!

The first thing I could think of saying was that some people only see what's on the outside and what really matters is the sort of person you are and how you treat others. We talked about her little brother and what she liked about him (she admired his ability to throw food he didn't like across the room...) and I said what he probably liked about her (how well she could use her fork and spoon, how she shared her toys sometimes).

OP, I wouldn't just assume that your older child feels included in the compliment by your response that both of your children are beautiful. It's a hard one to deal with. Make sure you compliment your older child on qualities that will long outlast prettiness - persistence, determination, courage, patience, curiosity, etc.

It was a couple of weeks ago, word for word.

“Thank you. Have a nice day!”

”How kind.”