Beautiful child, how to respond

[Mlovelybabies]

This obviously sounds like a not-stealth boast, but how do I respond to comments about DD’s appearance? She is 2 and DS is 6. They’re both adorable but DD is especially striking, people cross the street just to comment on her beauty. (She looked like a potato when she was tiny, with jaundice and frequent eye infections! People would peer into the pram, shudder and couldn’t even bring themselves to say she was cute). I know that looks can change and beautiful babies might not be beautiful adults but I worry about the effect on her esteem, and on DS’s esteem. She’s a bit shy and just looks down when they comment on her looks. And I know DS feels jealous of the extra attention she gets even though he’s not particularly hung up on appearance.

my response currently is to say, “yes, they’re both very sweet/lovely/wonderful/etc” and not give it any more time. Does that seem appropriate?

I have had people come over specially to tell me how cute my kid is (not just making polite conversation when we’re already interacting but popping up deliberately) so I do kind of believe OP. Next they usually look at me and you can hear them thinking “how the hell did that happen?” but I try not to let it get to me 😂 I never got complimented on my looks even as a friendly outgoing child so like OP I find it funny/bewildering. OP I think you’re doing the right things and I’d also compliment them both on their looks and other things at other times (if you don’t already) rather than just in reaction. People always emphasise to compliment only on non looks qualities but actually everyone likes being told they look nice/smart etc as well!

We don’t know what type of road they are crossing! Everyone assuming it’s a wide and busy main road. It might be a narrow street.
OP I believe you, this used to happen with my daughter!

If it makes you feel better, on separate occasions, 2 people have said to me “He doesn’t look autistic, he’s very handsome.” Hahahaha people are morons. I try very hard not to comment on a child’s appearance only and think others should try to, at the very least balance it out with a comment about their personality etc. If I think my friends child looks particularly cute in their new dance outfit for example I might say “She looks so cute and strong.” Even though I wrote a tongue in cheek response I do like posts like this because they encourage deeper thinking. I am now thinking that if, as women we don’t expect anyone to comment on our appearance / weight / style which I think most of us agree we don’t want anymore then we shouldn’t really encourage or condone it even when it’s positive. Someone further up said something I liked and it’s easy to do without being combatitive and it was every time someone makes a comment about how attractive she is you could say how kind / resilient / compassionate they both are. Maybe something like “I’m very blessed to have two beautiful children who are also very kind.”

Hahaha. No. It’s true - nobody ever crossed the street to comment on DS’s beauty/ cuteness.

I take that back, last time she had 2 DDs

How can they see how beautiful they are from across the road?

Don’t worry OP. It happens a lot. I say it to every mum I am standing near who has a baby

Meh, I can see it. Small road, casual nood, people acknowledging each other in a friendly way and then just decided to say the nice thing they are observing. I would! But not if there were two kids just to comment on one though, that's thoughtless.

I think it's the suggestion that multiple people have crossed multiple roads of unknown sizes that people find unlikely.

And people find it unlikely because many people are told how lovely their small children are by passersby, it's a very common occurrence. People leaping into the road to say it, not so much.

Ok, just to clarify for the benefit of whoever reported this. It was a joke. I don't believe children are ugly and we've never been chased out of a village by the locals bearing lighted torches.

People used to do this with my eldest, especially older men. A random woman once gave me £10 in Tesco's to get her a treat because "she was just so precious". Older men would often stop us and try to buy her sweets. It was weird tbh and I was always very worried about pedos with all the older men that stopped us to comment on how beautiful she was. My youngest is gorgeous too but in a different way and it never happens, which I much prefer!

Happy to report they stop doing it when they get older and lose the baby face - for mine it was at about 4.5.

Wow some of the posters on here seem quite jealous 😆 it’s very possible to have particularly beautiful child you know! I think you can agree that she’s gorgeous and say thank you for the compliment but just ensure that at home you’re reinforcing pride in skills bravery and kindness etc. I would worry that constantly redirecting away from the compliments about looks might give her a complex that being beautiful is something to be ashamed of? If she is gorgeous into adulthood she’s going to have to find a way to be comfortable with people telling her and being gracious about it. A “wow thank you so much!” Is usually a good response.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Mlovelybabies im sure you’re babies are lovely! But if this helps, I say it about every child I see, beautiful or not so much. Every child.

It's normal to compliment a cute or striking child- I was particularly cute as a child and got a lot of attention though and it did impact a lot on my self esteem when I became an awkward chubby teenager.

We have it but only when my DD has a “best outfit” on and her hair is blonde and curly with bows in it. We always get compliments on the weekends. I’ve never had anyone compliment her after picking her up after preschool, covered in paint, mud and looking like Boris Johnson with a mullet.

I believe you OP.

My DD was always very different looking but beautiful and it made people act weird.

They too would cross the street, I had a bus driver turn the engine off and get off to come up to me and I had a shop assistant stop serving a queue of people just to come over and coo at her.

People would also touch her which was too much for me.

I never minded people saying it but it was a bit awkward and she didn’t have a sibling.
But she didn’t like the attention as some people were quite intense and it scare her. As she got older she became very self conscious and I always wonder if it’s because she gets so much attention.

I always call her beautiful because she genuinely is, inside and out but she doesn’t see it and so I say it often.

I agree that not everything is about looks but no one should feel unattractive.

I can actually believe it as a woman literally chased us up the road after we all got off a bus to compliment my (then baby) daughter. We were forever being told she looked like a doll. Luckily she doesn’t have a sibling. When I was growing up my sister was always being complimented on her looks and I was not (am not and never have been pretty) and it was quite scarring. My daughter has similar hair/ colouring to my sister (curly blonde hair, big blue eyes). As a non-attractive person it’s all way out of my experience and I worry what will happen when she’s a teenager with creepy men as I never really had to deal with that.

Some people are so weird. I wouldn't notice someone else's child. Even if I did I wouldn't cross the street to bother to comment on their appearance.

Gosh, some chippy responses!

A friend said to me, when I said how beautiful her daughter was, thanks, but I’m asking people not to comment on her looks as I want her to understand they aren’t that important. It changed how I approach kids, though I still say “hello gorgeous!” Or similar, I then talk about other stuff, even to babies.

My DD was complimented a silly amount when she was around 2-3 because of her hair. Bright blonde ringlets and she had the biggest blue eyes.
I used to say “aww thank you, we might keep her then”.
Now she’s 7 and gets absolutely zero compliments on her looks but she does get complimented on her manners or her kindness.
She’s still a pretty little girl but I think toddlers just have that cute factor don’t they?

That is the bit I laughed at too

Ged away wit' ya @Mlovelybabies

Come on that’s daft. You can love them equally but appreciate things objectively too. I’ve got two daughters. First was stunningly cute, huge very blue eyes, long eyelashes, very symmetrical features, we had many people comment. Our second baby is averagely cute, the comments we receive are different.

its tricky @Mlovelybabies id be inclined to not focus on looks too much with either kid. I was probably lucky that it was my first that got all the attention as now, she still gets the attention even when there’s a baby there!

I guess you could make her less attractive if it upsets you stick a hat on her and dress her in black. Otherwise just say ‘thank you’ and get on with your day.

Unnecessary. If you don't think that strangers comment on looks then you must have been living under a rock. I think it's obvious from the OP that she's trying to minimise any effects etc.

OP - for what it's worth I think the way you are responding currently is right.