Beautiful child, how to respond

[Mlovelybabies]

This obviously sounds like a not-stealth boast, but how do I respond to comments about DD’s appearance? She is 2 and DS is 6. They’re both adorable but DD is especially striking, people cross the street just to comment on her beauty. (She looked like a potato when she was tiny, with jaundice and frequent eye infections! People would peer into the pram, shudder and couldn’t even bring themselves to say she was cute). I know that looks can change and beautiful babies might not be beautiful adults but I worry about the effect on her esteem, and on DS’s esteem. She’s a bit shy and just looks down when they comment on her looks. And I know DS feels jealous of the extra attention she gets even though he’s not particularly hung up on appearance.

my response currently is to say, “yes, they’re both very sweet/lovely/wonderful/etc” and not give it any more time. Does that seem appropriate?

Totally agree Hello Some people talk total bollocks on these threads, they really do.

I don’t think anyone here is jealous that OP has a beautiful child. But strangers crossing the road specifically to comment on their looks?

It’s not the 1960s anymore, people just aren’t comfortable showing that amount of interest in a someone else’s children these days - and rightly so.

Weird.

Beauty is only skin deep. A relative of mine had the most beautiful three year old girl. At 18 she is very plain.

people cross the street to compliment her?! Stop it. 😂

I mean - i get this sometimes for my daughter (no one crosses the street those not as beautiful as your daughter obv😂) and i always say 'yes, she's pretty cool, thanks!'

It gets worse OP
Poor DS is mortified by how many of his mates have a crush on his sister!!!

i had this but the opposite way around with my sister - I’m 3 years older and quite simply…plain. Not stunning, not hideous, just unremarkable in terms of society’s view of beauty. I have my lovely dad’s big nose, his eyebrows (that I luckily tame with wax) and frizzy hair that refuses To be tamed. I’m now 40, fine with how I look and the end.
my sister on the other hand….beautiful. Delicate features, rapunzel like hair, Disney blue eyes- the full works. Always has been, always will he. Was asked to first model aged 8 and continued in her teenage years, and always turns heads. Utterly sweet and charming with it.
when I was younger it hurt, it hurt a lot because it was so obvious we were so different. My memories are of my parents trying not to make a big deal about it and telling me how beautiful I am too. At some point I accepted I’m not conventionally beautiful but I am what I am and it no longer bothers me.
sounds a great way you are handling it 🌷

I'm actually going to go against the grain here and say I don't think there's anything wrong with it.Some children ARE more attractive than others, just as adults are.

So I would just respond 'Ahh thankyou, she is indeed' or similar.It's a compliment!
Be proud.

HOWEVER (and sounds like you do this already) even if you can see it is the case aswell, as a parent it's obviously important you make all your children feel they are just as beautiful as each other (eg; if another one asks 'am I beautiful too' after a stranger makes comments for example, be sure to tell them that of course they are (to a parent all their children should be beautiful anyway!)

I don't think there is any need to deflect onto other personal attributes.Yes being physically attractive isn't the be all and end all, but as a child whose mother (as lovely as she is in many ways) never said anything particularly gushing or complimentary about my appearance, I think actually sometimes it's really important to praise and recognise the outside attributes aswell as the inside ones.

I used to get this as a child you will grow up to be beautiful you will be stunning your beautiful my sister would always get she’s going to be so clever she’s going to be so intelligent…
my sister now has over 200k in the bank
I’m a single mum with no qualifications (I’m still okay looking get complimented constantly and asked what I’ve had done which is nothing I couldn’t afford it) but I don’t have anything else and the more I’m growing the more my looks are fading too. I’d drill into them the importance of other characteristics and say beauty is temporary. (I was actually a really ugly teenager too I was just cute up till 8 and then from 21 onwards) !

Does it not make you feel uncomfortable that someone noticed her beauty from across the street, then crossed the road just to compliment her? You're saying people do it all the time, you must live in an area full of creeps or worse then. I'd be very concerned op

Oh come on, people have eyes and some children are more esthetically pleasing than others, just a fact of life. My friend has two daughters - one is pretty enough, until you see the other who is absolutely heart-stoppingly gorgeous. Not something I would ever comment on as I know she is sensitive about it, but people can be blunt and insensitive unfortunately.

Oh come on.

One niece is massive favoured by my MIL, well over and above all her other grandchildren…….

I remember we were all sat around the table - all adults and children.
MIL was touching her curls and whispered reverently ‘spun gold’………. It was just ignored………

I used to get this with my youngest Dd with really curly hair. They'd say how beautiful her hair was. I'd just thank them and say you need to try and get a Comb through it 🤣

🙄

You could try attaching one of those numbered ticket dispenser things to her pram so you don't get overwhelmed and they all take their turn to compliment her?

Genius 🤣

One of my daughters used to attract attention as a teen. Upon meeting a group of her friends’ mums they had to point out that she looks nothing like me. Cheeky bitches!

I didn’t mean to quote the entire post! 😭

My youngest had gorgeous blonde curls and a really cute face and got stared at and swooned over so much it made him really shy and took him years to build self confidence.

My eldest took after me and didn’t get a fraction of the attention! It is a genuine issue and isn’t a stealth brag. It’s not something people talk about freely though and I don’t know what the solution is.

Let's take this at face value... if I look at the beautiful people from my childhood, they tend to rely on their looks and not develop their personality. I'd focus on that and not the issues facing the lead good looking child

One of my kids was especially cute as a toddler and I'd get comments about it. But I'd find it hard to believe there would be a constant barrage of them or anything like that. Most strangers on the street aren't all that interested in our kids and a fair number of them also have enough sense not to gush about one sibling's looks in front of the other sibling.

But from you, a simple "Oh, thank you," will do, a polite and lowkey response. Your kids will pick up on it if it's a big deal to you.

And while it can make mama cringe, other children do need to learn that we're not all equal in every way and to handle someone else occasionally getting a compliment that doesn't include them.

This may well even out during the years, in various ways, though. I'd try to not overthink it.

The 3 little ones who live next door to me are all lovely looking, especially the little girl who has the most beautiful blue black glossy naturally waving hair. I also remember seeing a toddler girl in the supermarket queue and everybody was remarking on how lovely she was, she was Asian and had green eyes, it was a stunning combination. She was with her proud doting auntie I of course thought my baby was the most gorgeous creature to ever grace this earth but when I look back at some of the early photos it is clear tht love was blind! As for me, I was a plug ugly kid who grew up to become a very pretty young woman so it can really change.

Oh please…
”She’s a bit shy and just looks down when they comment on her looks”

I’m not disputing your DD is beautiful, but I do think you are imagining that a 2 yr old has the ability to be demure and is affected by the compliments.

IF like you say and strangers/people are crossing the street to admire DD, just smile, say thank you, keep walking, and make nothing of it or you will project your feelings onto your DD and DS. It appears to be you who has the issue not your DC’s.
I do sense you are embellishing things a little though… are you? 🤔

How the fuck does a 2 year old know what a compliment is? A stranger could probably come up to her and tell her the ice cream van is down the road and she will probably still look down and become shy.. because they are a stranger 🙄🙄 get over yourself.

Good point 🤣🤣🤣