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Original poster

Beautiful child, how to respond

264 replies

Mlovelybabies · 20/02/2025 18:37

This obviously sounds like a not-stealth boast, but how do I respond to comments about DD’s appearance? She is 2 and DS is 6. They’re both adorable but DD is especially striking, people cross the street just to comment on her beauty. (She looked like a potato when she was tiny, with jaundice and frequent eye infections! People would peer into the pram, shudder and couldn’t even bring themselves to say she was cute). I know that looks can change and beautiful babies might not be beautiful adults but I worry about the effect on her esteem, and on DS’s esteem. She’s a bit shy and just looks down when they comment on her looks. And I know DS feels jealous of the extra attention she gets even though he’s not particularly hung up on appearance.

my response currently is to say, “yes, they’re both very sweet/lovely/wonderful/etc” and not give it any more time. Does that seem appropriate?

OP posts:
Missj25 · 21/02/2025 22:54

I’m 49 , people are always crossing the street to tell me how beautiful I am , it’s going on since I was 2 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

pollymere · 21/02/2025 23:35

Most two year old girls are very beautiful. I think your comment of thank you, I'm fortunate to have two beautiful children is all that's needed.

My child was striking and we got people on holiday wanting to have pics with them! They're still reasonably good looking but the comments did tail off as they got older.

MixedBananas · 22/02/2025 06:58

OldieButBaddie · 21/02/2025 19:04

My DD used to attract masses of attention because she had insanely beautiful hair (blonde and curly but not from the root, further down, almost like dreadlocks without the matting, fell in a pattern of chunky waves, I have never met anyone with similar hair!) also giant almost violet blue eyes, she was so striking.
People would literally walk up to us in the street and TOUCH HER HAIR!!
People in shops would give her sweets etc and rant on about her hair
One day a woman came up and grabbed her hair and said 'this hair is unbelievable, it's like a sheep's wool' 😳I was actually lost for words but we laughed about it for days!

It is quite annoying and gets boring when you can't walk down the road without being stopped all the time for people to grab hair.

My Black friends and family members have this happen to them and they hate it! People just come over and touch their hair. Disgusting. I don't know how people think this is ok.

One time a old ladybstarted to rub my DS1 back abd i moved him away immediately. We don't know you shtaaaaaap!!!

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MixedBananas · 22/02/2025 07:01

OP your DS went care. I being only girl with 3 brothers it haooened to me when I was younger. I am very pale with dark red / brown hair it was shiny and had voloumous curls. People used to coo over me daily. And as me and DB3 were similar age we wouod awlways be out together and it never bothered him. And DM then felt the need to worry about it either.
So not a big deal. Just respond thanks and move on.
It never got to my head i never became pig headed. When you get to a certain age the attention slows down and stops. People not going to walk up to a 15 year old and coo over them 😂

TheignT · 22/02/2025 10:27

asrl78 · 21/02/2025 20:12

The OP clearly lives in one of the few parts of the country where people have situational awareness skills and don't go round with their head buried in their phones, nearly walking into other people in the process.

Show quote history

Gazing at other people's children on the otherside of the road is probably just as dangerous as looking at your phone.

MargaretThursday · 22/02/2025 11:13

MixedBananas · 22/02/2025 07:01

OP your DS went care. I being only girl with 3 brothers it haooened to me when I was younger. I am very pale with dark red / brown hair it was shiny and had voloumous curls. People used to coo over me daily. And as me and DB3 were similar age we wouod awlways be out together and it never bothered him. And DM then felt the need to worry about it either.
So not a big deal. Just respond thanks and move on.
It never got to my head i never became pig headed. When you get to a certain age the attention slows down and stops. People not going to walk up to a 15 year old and coo over them 😂

Tbf I do frequently get people commenting on ds' good looks. They come to me and coo rather than over him normally.

He's 17yo and definitely would not appreciate it. On the odd occasions it's been in front of him he's been a mixture of amused and embarrassed.

TheDutchHouse · 22/02/2025 11:21

sprigatito · 20/02/2025 19:02

This happened with my older brother and sister, he just happened to go through an angelic ringlets phase and got lots of compliments. My mother revelled in it and made my sister feel like shit about how "plain and chubby" she was. She was still banging on about it decades later. My brother hated it, and my sister has severe mental health problems and a long term eating disorder. There was other abuse contributing to that, but the shitty comparisons and being made to feel unlovable was definitely destructive.

I think your own response to the comments will be much more important than what strangers say OP. It won't sink in so deeply if you make an extra effort to build your boy's self esteem and make sure he knows what his personal strengths are and how loved he is. But I do wish people would be more mindful when they feel the need to gush about a child like this.

This !
I was , on reflection, a normal looking child but my younger sibling was tiny for age and had the most enormous blue eyes and white blond curly hair.
My parent lapped up the praise on my sibling by strangers and relatives.
I wasn't ignored , which may if been preferable , my parent would point out my so called perceived differences to people in front of me . Such as ahh yes it's a shame Dutchhouse is chunky ( I wasn't ) or it's sad that she has straight brown hair ....
I grew up to hate my body and have many self worth issues etc while my sibling grew up conceited and feeling superior.
OP please stop comparing them .. it may not end well.

ShodAndShadySenators · 22/02/2025 11:25

My MIL told me people used to do this with her (no idea how many times, hopefully only a couple) after stopping to admire her older sister. If this had actually happened to my children, I'd be relieved that both kids were too young to remember and I'd definitely never tell them about it later when they would be affected. My poor MIL, her mother was a total cowbag sometimes. Who wants their kids to be upset by random strangers' cruelty?!

Sometimes these things sound so outrageous that it seems unbelievable, but it either happened with my MIL when she was a little baby, or - more likely - her mother was just a bitch who made up tales like this to crush her younger daughter's spirit. Either are quite unpalatable

OTOH we did get quite a few random strangers cooing over DS when he was very little but this was in Greece, Italy etc, where it's not unexpected with a blond haired baby with grey eyes.

ladyamy · 22/02/2025 13:45

How can people even see your daughter properly from across the street, let alone cross the street to comment on her?

MrsMitford3 · 22/02/2025 16:05

There was a woman who managed local nail salon. I was in there and she was on the phone talking loudly to her mother about her DD upcoming school trip.

She was not going to let her DD go-it was to a theme park-think they were around 8 ish? Because she was so strikingly gorgeous that she would inevitably get kidnapped. She went on and on about her extreme beauty and was adamant that she would not be safe.

I bumped in to her in town with the ravishing child and the much less preferred older DD. (they had different dads-not sure if that added to the preference)
The ravishing child was completely ordinary looking. Completely. The mother saw her in such a different light.

The Mum equivalent of beer goggles 😂

TheignT · 22/02/2025 16:37

I was just looking at photos of my GC, I have 8 and rotate photos as I have so many of them all. I realised one of my GDs looked just like a cabbage patch doll when she was a baby. I never noticed at the time, maybe I had the grandmother equivalent of beer goggles.

ValentineValentineV · 22/02/2025 16:44

OP you sound just like my DM (not now as she has advanced dementia). She’d tell anyone who would listen about how complete strangers would come up to her just to get a glimpse of me as I literally was the most beautiful baby ever!
Then I had my own three DC and not only are they so handsome they could be in a boy band it turns out I also have the best looking cat ever too. What are the odds of that?!!

Yourcatisnotsorry · 24/02/2025 01:14

Just say ‘yes I’m very lucky to have two gorgeous children and kind/funny/smart etc. too’.

VOWarks · 01/03/2025 22:09

There appears to be lot of nasty comments relating to "people crossing the road" to comment on a child's beauty.
Yes it can happen. I have a granddaughter with extraordinary eyes and didn't realise how people would react, literally women staring at her. Whole groups in restaurants staring or taking peaky looks. It was weird but I looked at her and thought, yes she is extraordinary. Sometimes people do stand out. It's nothing to be jealous of. They'll probably have a geeky or spotty stage, or change. If they don't they're just the lucky ones!

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