Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

[Hanzel44]

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

I’ve often wondered the same thing. Mind you I am a single Mum and took my ex husband to the school run with me the other day as he was in the neighbourhood with time off. My little boy was thrilled to see us at pick up together. It was 25 minutes of making small talk and it made him happy to see us getting along & have his friends see his Dad. I imagine married parents also want to do this public show of unity for their kids for similar reason.

Most of the time it’s practical but yeh I do think that sometimes it’s about portraying a wholesome image with others.

Oh no. These are people doing the full weekly big shop. Not just nipping in for a few bits

They have too much time on their hands and support on tap. They don't work enough. Or a co-dependency.
Surely one gets on with housework, life admin or looks after siblings while the other does a birthday or a playdate. One works while the other one does the school run.
It's not many people that do it though.

sounds awful. I would be so irritated by this if I was there

I think because you are a single parent it might seem odd to you as you are used to a different dynamic. And every family is different of course but as we both work and partner works long hours when it comes to the weekend or weeknights when we are free we try maximise our time together as a family as really it’s so little time. If we have to go to a birthday party it’s great for the kids but it does cut in our family time so we like to go together. Same with other kids activities like if kids are at football Saturday morning or at dance class in the afternoon.

In our case it's because we hate shopping and usually tie it in to a day trip, with shopping on the way back. DP is shit at getting the things I want, I and I can't drive. I also think it's good for children to do some chores, they need to know that life isn't just the fun stuff. So we go together. I don't really understand why other people need a 'break' from their children. I hardly get to see them enough as it is, with work and school during the week, so chatting while loading things into the trolley seems perfectly acceptable to me. More fun than going by myself.

Probably because 4 people wandering around a supermarket together tend to be completely unaware of the fact that.they are getting in the way. Children twirling about, wandering in front of people pushing trollies, blocking the isle while one of them chooses what they are buying. Then you have the performance parenting. If that wasn't bad enough it makes the queues at the checkouts hell because instead of one person and their trolly you have 4 people all in a line stopping others from getting their shopping on the belt. That's before you have the kids on rollerskates, scooters, pushing dolls prams or their own trolly. Everyone is just trying to get their shopping done but filling the supermarket with additional people just makes it less efficient for everyone.

I do the full weekly shop on the way back from doing other things or visiting relatives. With (horror) my DP and DC.

Every week? Why? Does your dh and child not have better things to do? Do you not like browsing the supermarket in peace?

Maybe because both parents wants to see their child having great time with their friends, to see them enjoy their time? I'm surprised you don't see it like that...

arethereanyleftatall

Yes, those who bring the uninvited family (whether they ask the host or not) just want to maximise everything for themselves and/or simply don't care about the host. I notice they particularly do so to people they don't care about. The present will usually be most thoughtless and of the cheapest variety and they wouldn't invite back those they do it to on same terms or at all.
They are users, their kids will grow up entitled and selfish but least they make it clear and we can keep away, so small mercies 😀

You're confused that couples like to spend time together?

I don’t think dads are much like that anymore, my expectation is actively involved and enthusiastic, even if it’s a mundane activity. My DH and I have never been bored in a supermarket together, always some stupid joke to make or little treat to buy each other and DC- we have fun. I don’t think anyone should be settling for hands in pockets, miserable men.

And at A&E. When dc were little and we occasionally had to go I was also astonished when one injured child was accompanied by two siblings, mum, dad and a set of grandparents. It was as though they had morphed into "The Boswells". Surely the grandparents could have babysat the two siblings at home.

I used to.do the big shop when dd was at nursery once the children were that big and if I had to go at weekends, DH would take them.to the park.

I go food shopping on my own. Dh is banned as he’d fill that trolley with everything we don’t need and then moan at me about how much we spend on food 🙄 so he’s barred. Dd only come if they’re doing food tech.
i drop off dds to school, dh sometimes picks them up. We don’t go to kids parties together unless mutual friends.
Divide and conquer in our house.

I agree. Divide and conquer. I personally would take the hoover over the kids party though!

I often do school pick up, shopping, play dates and other things with dp.
It never occurred to me that other people would notice, never mind be judgemental about it.
School pick up is because dp wfh and his job is very flexible so he will often say “I’ll come with you for the walk”, we walk down, have a chat, pick up dc. That’s all there is to it.
Last time we were in the supermarket together it was on the way back from the police station where we both had to be there to get our signatures witnessed.
Play dates, clubs, parties is to get to know people who are part of our child’s life, be friendly, be part of the community.
School plays and that, we both go because we want to and can 🤷‍♀️ We are only going to get these experiences once.
We’ve been together a long time and enjoy each other’s company and like spending time together with our kid.

Bringiton999Q

Do you bring your whole family to adult parties, including your work parties? Or is it just reserved for the kids parties of your children's friends? Expensive parties parents with small kids can barely afford but were generous enough to invite yours?

Do you invite the whole family back in return?

Or do you think you are better and more important than them and since you are gracing them with your presence you might as well benefit to the max?

Like I said, users

For school run someone's were both working in the same office so leave work and go to pick ds up before going home, parties, playdates etc, we both work and DS is at school we want to spend time together and with him and often we're either coming directly from somewhere we've been together or are going to do something after. Grocery shopping absolutely not. I go alone or we do click and collect. If I've not been able to get a slot and she is working on a Saturday I might take ds that's probably been once or twice in the last year. I've been to playdates at houses by myself as has DH because you don't want to take up too much room, but I'm more surprised by the number of dad's who make themselves scarce during at home playdates, just hiding in a bedroom/other room. It's so antisocial. If we're both available and DS has friends over we both get involved, it means if there are other parents there one of us can make drinks/food/stalls with one of the baby requests from the children while the other chats to guests, that would swap over the course of the visit

We always cater for the adults at DS' parties, so do others, it's usual here.

A think this thread is depressing as hell. We don’t have to be efficient productive units all the time! Me and dh do stuff together because we like each other? Yes I could be hoovering instead but I don’t want to spend my whole life doing jobs in search of some far distant future where we have free time we can spend together. I’ll just have some crumbs and dust and chill the fuck out about “being efficient”

We’re at work all week so if I want to go shopping with him at the weekend so we can have a chat then maybe I will. We do the school run together so we can talk on the way or both see our kids!

Every other week, then top up with smaller shops between big shops. No, I absolutely hate browsing the supermarket, as does DP. DC is five so doesn't get a choice, but is cheerful enough about it. DP isn't a passive observer, he also is shopping. Much easier for everyone to go and get what they need, than compile a list for one poor soul to follow. We also tend to fit the shop in around coming back from a day out, to lessen the evil of doing shopping.

So a dad and a child should have 'better things to do' than shopping but a mum is supposed to enjoy 'browsing the supermarket'?

We try to do this because both of us want want to be there for special things like parties etc.

Well this the stereotypical "miserable man" is rarely seen real life . We have always gone supermarket shopping together 1 emptied the other packed dh was too busy to stand sighing about silly food shopping, after all he eats it too .