Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

392 replies

Hanzel44 · 08/02/2025 13:51

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 08/02/2025 15:21

Now we scan and shop but we have been doing it so long that it's a habit now,

CorEckIsLike · 08/02/2025 15:22

@romdowa -
I don't understand why it bothers people that much that we all go to the supermarket etc ... what skin is it off their nose like?

Generally speaking it's annoying trying to manoeuvre around a family of 4 or 5 when it could be either the one parent doing the shop or parent and maybe one child.

scaredmuffins · 08/02/2025 15:22

Support

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Muchtoomuchtodo · 08/02/2025 15:24

ImNoSuperman · 08/02/2025 14:34

So many judgemental and perfect, privileged families on here.

There are plenty of reasons why both parents do things together with their children. Some as mentioned include abusive relationships, others, specifically in terms of taking children shopping, include not having a permanent home to leave the children at home so one can go shopping.

All so privileged to have never been in a homeless situation where your family is sharing accomodation with several others and upset children causes more problems. It's easier to take them to the supermarket.

@Muchtoomuchtodo Parents with other siblings at a screening, you don't know how many of these young people need support to be there, how many of the adults or children have disabilities that also require support. Or whether they had to rely on someone else for transport and were combining the visit with someone else they couldn't do as a family otherwise.

Well everyone who was there to be screened went in to their appointment by themselves, leaving 2, 3 or in one case 4 other people in the cramped waiting area. That tells me a lot. Not everything, granted but a great deal about how much support those being screened needed.

DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby · 08/02/2025 15:25

DysmalRadius · 08/02/2025 15:18

So a dad and a child should have 'better things to do' than shopping but a mum is supposed to enjoy 'browsing the supermarket'?

Show quote history

Exactly. I bring my kids to the supermarket because I’ll be damned if they’re going to turn into the type of men standing bored, with their hands in their pockets. Food shopping is a vital life skill, that children will only learn by doing. Letting them stay at home because they find it ‘boring’, only reinforces that if something isn’t enjoyable, they don’t need to it. Same goes for homework, cleaning/tidying their rooms, setting/clearing the table etc. If we want children to grow up to be functional members of society, we need to give them the chance to participate and learn while they’re young.

Fizbosshoes · 08/02/2025 15:27

Nearly every time I go to a supermarket there is a whole family usually mum with baby, and dad trailing behind with a toddler who is generally having a tantrum. It always looks a pretty unenjoyable experience for all involved (except possibly the baby who might be asleep)

I shopped online when my kids were that age, or took the chance to get away from them by doing the shop on my own.

They are teens now and I occassionally go with DD, both however are quite capable of going to the shop (after a huge amount of huffing and eye rolling) if asked

Givemestrength1000 · 08/02/2025 15:29

Kmward36 · 08/02/2025 14:06

Must admit…we are this couple. We both work mad hours in the week and are a bit like passing ships. So we tend to do whatever we can together at the weekend - parties, food shopping etc.

I really like it. We do try and sort chores out in the week so we can have family time at the weekend. It works really well for us! We’ve been together 15 years and I’m not bored of it yet 😂

Yeh this. We love doing mundane things together. And we have more fun together than apart! And the kids love it when we’re all together. For me it seems weird not to want to spend time together if you can

RIPVPROG · 08/02/2025 15:29

Soppypanda · 08/02/2025 14:54

They have too much time on their hands and support on tap. They don't work enough. Or a co-dependency.
Surely one gets on with housework, life admin or looks after siblings while the other does a birthday or a playdate. One works while the other one does the school run.
It's not many people that do it though.

DS doesn't have siblings, we both work full time and my house is clean and tidy, so if DS is off to a soft play playdate on a Saturday we'll both go. Not sure what's hard to understand about that. We don't have any family locally or 'on tap'. We both work 5 in 4 so on our days off in the week while I've if it's is at work and DS is at school the housework and errands are done. Should one of us sit at home at the weekends?

TwirlyPineapple · 08/02/2025 15:30

We just want to spend time together. People say it's "inefficient", but we don't need to be maximum efficiency at the weekend. We do the "efficient" dividing and conquering ("I'll have the kids while you do XYZ chore/task/hobby") during the evenings so that we have the weekend days to spend together.

I wouldn't do it at a place where space was obviously limited or where it genuinely makes a task harder to take everyone along (like the big shop).

Coffeeishot · 08/02/2025 15:30

DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby · 08/02/2025 15:25

Exactly. I bring my kids to the supermarket because I’ll be damned if they’re going to turn into the type of men standing bored, with their hands in their pockets. Food shopping is a vital life skill, that children will only learn by doing. Letting them stay at home because they find it ‘boring’, only reinforces that if something isn’t enjoyable, they don’t need to it. Same goes for homework, cleaning/tidying their rooms, setting/clearing the table etc. If we want children to grow up to be functional members of society, we need to give them the chance to participate and learn while they’re young.

Show quote history

I agree my Dds are adults and we would take them shopping because food shopping is an actual skill that we all need to do, nothing wrong in showing them it took an hour our of their day they behaved and didn't cause a bother to other shoppers, and not they have non huffy husbands and partners who they go shopping with when needed.

adviceneeded1990 · 08/02/2025 15:31

We both work full time and our chances to be together as a family and a couple are limited as a result.

You also have to consider what you don’t see in these situations - for example, DH and I both drop 9 year old to her dancing class and you might see us both at the door and wonder why. After she goes in we walk the dog for the hour that she dances - nice chance for a chat and an hours exercise. You wouldn’t see that. For parties it’s often similar - both drop then go and have a coffee somewhere or do a food shop. It’s about quality time and getting things done.

We do both go out with individual friends and we exercise separately as well as together but the bulk of our non-working time is spent together because we love each other and chose to be together! I find couples who divide everything and “pay back” hours of free time and live like disconnected roommates far weirder. Neither of us crave time away from our family.

surreywilds · 08/02/2025 15:38

Kmward36 · 08/02/2025 14:06

Must admit…we are this couple. We both work mad hours in the week and are a bit like passing ships. So we tend to do whatever we can together at the weekend - parties, food shopping etc.

I really like it. We do try and sort chores out in the week so we can have family time at the weekend. It works really well for us! We’ve been together 15 years and I’m not bored of it yet 😂

Same. Both have full on prof jobs, lots of hours working, kids in for breakfast club and after school clubs, we spend hardly anytime together as a family during the week.

This is common for many in jobs like law, medicine or whatever , or less wealthy parents in low paid jobs. SO we grab together what we can.

Kids parties , supermarkets, its being together, which is lovely, why is that weird in todays society where you have to work like a dog?

SilverDoe · 08/02/2025 15:38

I like to spend as much time with DP as I can. However we do have very limited childcare so we attend birthday parties etc alone, as we have 3 DC.

We often both do school runs as we get to walk there/back together without the kids. I enjoy it because I love him and we have young kids so alone time together is precious.

wizzywig · 08/02/2025 15:40

Could be only time one parent gets out of the house? Makes them feel part of the family?

butterdish93 · 08/02/2025 15:40

Yes I've invited mums round for coffee and play and they've bought their husbands, which i think is a bit odd.

We go to some kids birthdays together but only when we know the whole family and it's a celebration catered for adult socialising too, It would never be both of us stood around at a random kids soft play party for example.

pikkumyy77 · 08/02/2025 15:41

zigazigahhhh · 08/02/2025 14:37

I'm a single mum too and always wonder this! Seeing entire families in supermarkets really confuses me 😂

The thing is your entire family is at the supermarket too you hustle don’t notice it. Why shouldn’t theirs be too?

Notgivenuphope · 08/02/2025 15:41

Maybe their kids are badly behaved and it takes two to control them? Haha joke

BigFatLiar · 08/02/2025 15:42

SmokeRingsOfMyMind · 08/02/2025 13:54

I find it a bit baffling too. So inefficient! If I'm taking DD to a party, DH can get on with some hoovering, or some exercise, or just play some computer chess or phone his mum.

Why don't you do the hoovering and let DH enjoy the party time with DD?

We both enjoyed spending fun times with our children more than housework.

reluctantbrit · 08/02/2025 15:46

At nursery and early primary school parties - DH also wanted to meet parents. And being on his own would often mean, he was excluded from chats while when he was with me, he would be drawn into conversations.

It also meant that we started seeing other parents socially, we are firm friends with families DD attended nursery with - 16 years ago.

Playdates - you couldn't pay me to go unless I knew the parent well and then it was often during the week on my days off before DD started school and DH was at work. At primary school DD always went on her own and we just collected.

ImNoSuperman · 08/02/2025 15:48

Muchtoomuchtodo · 08/02/2025 15:24

Well everyone who was there to be screened went in to their appointment by themselves, leaving 2, 3 or in one case 4 other people in the cramped waiting area. That tells me a lot. Not everything, granted but a great deal about how much support those being screened needed.

Show quote history

Just keep on judging and ignoring all the other reasons the entire family may have been there. You'd have been the sort to judge us in the weeks after a sudden death in our family.

Moonlightstars · 08/02/2025 15:51

TwirlyPineapple · 08/02/2025 15:30

We just want to spend time together. People say it's "inefficient", but we don't need to be maximum efficiency at the weekend. We do the "efficient" dividing and conquering ("I'll have the kids while you do XYZ chore/task/hobby") during the evenings so that we have the weekend days to spend together.

I wouldn't do it at a place where space was obviously limited or where it genuinely makes a task harder to take everyone along (like the big shop).

But would you take them to a birthday party together? Especially when you don't really know the parents. I think it's really weird. We've had this a few times. Who wants to sit in soft play if they don't have to!
One family I know do everything together, but now the kids are leaving home they have they're really little else going on in their lives and it's a bit sad. They are completely bereft as they have no outside interests.

Pinkflowerpower · 08/02/2025 15:51

Just me and DH . I’m super introverted so few friends . No family close by . We both work full time and have 2 under 3 so we spend family time together in weekend . It’s hard logistically handling a 1 and 2 year old alone at soft play or a zoo or activity. Fine if they are in the buggy but I think two sets of hands are needed at this age. I can’t as my mum or sister do hang out as they are 6 hours away . So me and DH do go every where together. Which we love x

SmokeRingsOfMyMind · 08/02/2025 15:53

BigFatLiar · 08/02/2025 15:42

Why don't you do the hoovering and let DH enjoy the party time with DD?

We both enjoyed spending fun times with our children more than housework.

Show quote history

It was just an example, although DH quite likes hoovering to some Nirvana.

MrsSunshine2b · 08/02/2025 15:54

Because I like my husband and enjoy his company. We do lots of stuff apart; I do amateur dramatics so I'm rehearsing most weeknights at the moment, he plays pool one night a week unless I'm rehearsing, and we both work full time. Why would we want to spend our weekends apart too?

Kianai · 08/02/2025 15:57

I wouldn't take it too much to heart, the only people that I've seen complain about this seem to be bitter in some way.

Either they feel that you being with a partner makes it more obvious that they aren't (a very silly insecurity, there are lots of thriving single parent homes), or they have the kind of relationship/family where they genuinely don't understand why you would want to spend as much time as possible with your loved ones.