Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

[Hanzel44]

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

I did the bulk buying of presents and cards - with DT’s there seemed to be a party for one or both of them each weekend. I’d buy 30 suitable presents and cards at a time - it saved much time and patience!

Just surprised people have nothing better to do than all wander round Tesco for a card then all drive to a party. Probably take several uninvited siblings too.

I always find it a bit strange when people are asked to about why they do something or behave in a certain way and they respond with "i just like it". It comes across as super defensive and seems like an inability to self reflect or explore themselves in any depth.

Kudos to those people who have given thoughtful responses- it's interesting to hear about other couples dynamics. I always assumed this type of couple had some sort of codependency - to avoid awkward conversation /one partner needs some type of support but there are clearly lots of different reasons!

@Pigtailsandall
The card writing by dc is painful enough)
is it not a privilege to see this human developing??
😂

Little less privilege would sometimes suit me fine, particularly when the development needs to be coated in promises of biscuits before it happens

Individualism and late capitalism. Loss of collectivist culture, a push towards isolated nuclear families, loss of the village. Codependent couples as opposed to interdependence within a clan, extended families, neighbourhood.
U.K. is catching up to USA on this with Isolated nuclear families full of social and generalised anxiety.
Gabor Mate has written about in "the myth of normal"

Miaow. Surprised you have nothing better to do than hang around on mumsnet making other people feel bad about themselves.

Most families I know haven’t chosen individualism, at all.

They are mostly witnessing their parents burning through their families inheritance on a never ending stream of cruises, second homes and fine living as the younger generation wrestle with homelessness, university fees and multiple taxes to prop up their gold plated, bloated pensions.

Yes, something has gone very wrong - very wrong indeed between the war generation (savers) and the boomers that followed them like it is 1969 every single day…

You sound almost jealous.

@Thalia31 I can't think for what other reason people would be mad about a family going into a shop together tbh. I do my big shops online so I'm not one of the families who do (but we will do a pop in shop together, particularly if we are on our way back from somewhere, because it's convenient and we all choose stuff we would like). My 3 year old loves pushing the little child trolleys around.

@Thalia31
You sound smug.
OP wasn't angry or jealous, she asked a question.

I do a lot of our groceries online or alone, we sometimes go in as a family for small things, and about every 2 months we go in all together for a big shop. The kids love it for the most part but might lose it when we say no, and sometimes at the end when we’re leaving. And sometimes they do get bored.

I take them out of restaurants and smaller stores when they act up, but I also think they need to learn to be in public and to cope with being told no. I also don’t drive so it isn’t generally more efficient to divide and conquer if I haven’t got it done in the week.

Oh come off it. Changing pooey nappies is definitely a chore! 🤢 Last week I had to turn DS over every few minutes because he was trying to roll and got stuck on his tummy, and was screeching about it. That got really old really fast! Now he can roll himself back over I have to keep an eye on him while he rolls around the living room.

Maybe because they don't view it as a chore? Particularly if they only have one child. DH and I have one little girl. Taking her to ballet, gymnastics or a birthday party isn't a job, it's quality time. With each other as well as her. We work a lot so time not working is spent together wherever possible. I get that if you have multiple kids and a lot of housework you feel strongly about then it would be different.

This is brilliant. Don't invest in or enjoy your relationship too much in case it fails 🤣

Well they're not there for you. They're there for their child, and each other.

Why wouldn't you?

You value vacuuming more than spending time with your partner and child in their formative years that are short.

That's your choice.

But don't have a passive aggressive whine at people who value something different.

DS is an only child. We only got to do 5 years old for a single year. He is going to want us around at 15.

Time is the most precious thing of all.

I'd like to share that with DH rather than seeing it as something that you just have to tolerate.

I actually like DS and DH. It never fails to amaze me how many parents seem to dislike their own children.