Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

[Hanzel44]

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

With my ex, if he was going somewhere (well, until he decided that going somewhere without me meant he could get up to stuff), especially if it was for the kids, then I had to go, because doing something alone with the children was far too much like work, and doing something mundane alone was far too much like taking responsibility for himself.

Of course if I was going somewhere (with or without the kids, even if it might be nice and I explicitly invited him) then I was to do it alone because he couldn't be bothered.

This, basically. Sometimes I had to do a little of hauling them around alone when DH was working but important social events or celebrations we always tried to do together.

I feel exactly this way at birthday parties. I've invited a child because they're a friend of my child. I understand a child might need a grown up with them but one is all I'm willing to accommodate!

I don't get this either. I was in the supermarket a few weeks ago and there was a couple with 2 small kids. Pre school and toddler. Preschooler was kicking off because they wanted toys and the toddler was whiney and upset because they wanted out the trolley seat.

The parents were clearly finding it stressful. I wanted to tap them on the shoulder and suggest that one of them does the food shop while the other stays at home with the kids. No idea why you wouldn't take that approach to be honest.

I just think they’re weirdo parents. I’m all for spending time together as a family, but not when the time isn’t quality time.

I’m currently at a trampoline park… first time in years and it’s absolute hell as there are more adults here than children all taking up the seating area. It only needs one parent to come to a place like this. Soft play included

I knew a family who were like this and when I got to know them better I learned that she was at high risk of dying young so they wanted to spend as much time together as possible.

They made me realise how often we treated 'fun' things for the kids as an opportunity for one of us to get something 'important' done when actually the important thing was spending that time together, watching the kids have fun, and chatting to the other parents (usually only at non-house parties though where there aren't space concerns!) . It might not be everyone's first choice of activity but the kids appreciate it and it's nice to have that shared experience sometimes.

Children's parties must be the only event where you invite one person and for some they deem it totally acceptable to turn up as a family of 4 without a word to the host. Should bring 4 presents!
My dds friendship group had one family who did this right up till their dd was 8!! I always wondered if they were curious that for about the last 3 years they were the only whole family staying at every party.

Before I got here too I nipped to BnM for snacks, but got stuck at the tills behind a family doing a big shop. Mum, Dad, 3 kids under 5. Mum looked stressed!

But op isn’t talking about important social events. She’s talking about the school run, or a party at a soft play area, or the supermarket shopping.

OP I don’t understand it either. TBH it gets in my last one.

I can assure you I've spent plenty of quality time enjoying looking after my children over the years. They've never been the chore. Having to make small talk with other parents while drinking revolting coffee in some sticky germ ridden soft play that smells of nappies while your kids have run off with their mates is the chore.

For us it’s because I have ASD and ADHD and I either don’t go out at all or go out with dh. Sometimes I want to do the school run or pop to the shops but I can’t without support.

For our family it's because I'm disabled and dh drives. If we didn't all go places then I'd be stuck at home all the time. You've no idea of each families circumstances

My parents used to do this. Looking back, it was not only because my mum couldn’t drive and completely depended on my dad to drive her around (but then, why couldn’t my dad just do the errand surely? 🤔) but also, she lacked confidence to go places and used my dad as an emotional crutch. Even then, I thought it weird and cringey. They used to both rock up at my friends’ parties to pick me up. None of my friends’ parents did that.

But those are also important social events? To us anyway.

This is the same for me too not being able to drive. I think it’s hard to understand unless you’re going through it yourself

Surely @DonnyBurrito in these situations the parents tag team rather than both go? As it was, I generally went to the parties with dc as I could cope with the small talk better than dh. But he’d do something else with the other dc.

I don't understand why it bothers people that much that we all go to the supermarket etc ... what skin is it off their nose like?

That’s why I take my DH to these things, company I know I actually like. I do think soft play is fun though, i’m small enough to not feel cramped so the kids end up dragging me through the germs!

We both love spending time with our child and together.

My husband and I often go to parties together, if it's at a venue, not at someone's house, because why not? we take the opportunity to talk to one another and spend some form of time together. Why does one person need to stay at home and hoover or do something efficient as per PP.

It maybe that they have just one car per household and have plans before and after the occasion for a shopping trip/other chores.

Or that if we go to a party or soft play that there are too many seats taken up! Maybe demand more chairs rather than less people ??!!

Depends on the vibe of the party. I’ve been to a lot when the kids were smaller that were very much adult social events as well as the kid’s birthday and if there’s grown up chat, fizz and a cheeseboard on offer whilst the kids are with a pro entertainer then makes sense that both parents might want to stay. Even if your party isn’t in that vein they might be hoping it will be? Or perhaps there are logistical issues you aren’t privy to.

Playdates are an odd one though as surely neither parent stays unless your DC are nursery age and still need accompanying to the loo. And honestly we didn’t do that many at that age, only when it was really a friend of mine that I wanted to see and kids playing was a bonus. Reception age onwards you collect from school and the parent picks up after tea.

I like DH more that most people and, when my kids were at this stage, he was away a lot so it was nice to see him and for him to see the kids.

If it's good friends of ours we might both go and catch up with friends.

If it's a school thing and other mum friends are going I'll probably go alone and see my friends and dh will catch up on jobs or chill out.

If it's a random invite of someone we don't know if one of us is busy the other will go alone but if we have nothing on we might go together and spend a bit of time hanging out together