Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

[Hanzel44]

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

That's quite unfortunate! I assume he worked or recovered after long working hours on weekends and did not get to spend much time with his kids then.

I think if you both worked full time (but reasonable hours) like us your view on these determined couples would have changed...

He did spend his weekends with them, but we wouldn't have considered the 1-2 hours (average length of parties) as 'quality' family time.

Not judging, just recognised that their social skills were usually somewhat lacking.

"Social skills lacking" is usually code for "communicates differently due to ND."

I am a kind, empathetic person, interested in other people's lives and a caring friend. I consider that to be "good social skills". However, I am aware that a big chunk of society counts "good social skills" to be a list of arbitrary, unspoken rules which I can't understand.

If that means people are going to consider me awkward and gauche and avoid me, which I know from experience can happen at short notice around people who have previously appeared to like you, then I'd rather have my husband there so at least I have someone there that likes me.

It doesn't work like this in reality. A party would take at least half a day, with all the prep, travelling, etc. By the time it's finished the DC is usually quite tired, so no chance for a quality time after that. The playdates/home parties usually take even longer.

If you went to these events once every couple of months then maybe. If you went every weekend like us (as the DC is very sociable), no chance their dad was much involved...

'Half a day' to prep for/and attend a child's party? Seriously? We never did that. Parties never took up more than a couple of hours, thank God.

The fact that someone could speak with a stranger does not necessary mean they have good social skills lol.

It also involves listening to the other side, empathy, being able to understand different people types. Something that this poster, in my opinion, is lacking. So in the end she might discover she is not as lovely in social situations as she thought she was!

How?

Doing my daughter's hair and getting her into a party dress takes at least 20 minutes, if she's being co-operative, and provided she hasn't coated herself in mud or chocolate and doesn't need a bath first.

Going out to choose and buy a present can't be done in less than half an hour, wrapping it and writing the card is another 20 minutes.

The parties themselves usually go on for 2 hours, and add 30 mins travelling each way and you're up to over 4 hours which is a half day in my book.

Well, DD wouldn't have been allowed to get herself covered in mud or chocolate prior to party. Present & card would have already been bought/ordered and delivered during the week. Write card & pop pressie in gift bag, dunno, maybe 90 seconds? DD always more than happy to change into party frock, so less than 5 mins. Most parties within 15 mins drive.

So yeah, very different time frame.

Just because you bought the card earlier in the week doesn't mean that it didn't take the same amount of time.

Good social skills cover a wide range. But I'm primarily talking about the confident ability to make shallow, superficial chat with people you don't know, in a way that doesn't offend, bore or transverse social mores.

There's little need to be empathising all over the place, and seeking out meaningful connections and I would avoid anyone who tried to do that with me. Ick.

It's a kids party. You dip in. Smile. Chat. Dip out.

Picking up.acard and present while doing your grocery shopping adds 5 mins top for example. Completely different to a special trip.

Side note but why on earth would you deliver a present before the party instead of taking it to the party?
Getting a 5yo to write and draw a card to a friend takes ages. Not half a day sure but ages.
Anyway we went to a lovely kids party this weekend - both dh and I went and it was nice for dc. Party was 2,5 hours plus 20mins walking each way. We went after lunch and were back around 5 so it does take a sizeable chunk out of the day. Our cleaner comes at that time so it's nice we are out - and dc loved chattering to both of us after a busy week of single-parent drop-offs

Oh dear Lord. Yes, fine, right, whatever.

You have now more than amply demonstrated my observation.

We always used to do the school run together. Not so much now it's a 45 minute drive though!
It was nice for them to walk with both parents and company for us on the way home as well. We didn't both go to play dates or kiddies parties though unless we happened to be catching up with mutual friends.

Oh thank the Lord some sensible people have arrived.

I meant the present would have been delivered from Amazon!

Ah, makes sense. Tbh I've started bulk-buying presents when I find good deals - I can't deal with individual shopping for each party ! (The card writing by dc is painful enough)

Interesting. This would not be popular in the south west area of london where I live. In our pre-school parents meet for wine and coffee, trails on weekends, become friends. I quite like it but to each it's own I guess.

Your personality and what you think of people shows itself in any conversation though - whether it's a shallow chat or not. If you think that someone is socially awkward they'll see it, regardless of how much you smile and say all the right things to them. Due to my work, I do a lot of networking and I constantly meet smiley, loud people who say all the right things but they can be quite revolting at the same time. People always know what you really think of them, you would not fool anyone with a nice chitchat.

You might consider yourself socially adept but you come across quite nasty and fake on here. I might not be great at your version of social skills, but I can sense falseness a mile off and would rather be having a conversation with my husband than giving you the opportunity to judge me.

Exactly this, why shouldn't the dad be there. What a weird response to wonder why the husband is there.

Takes a minimal amount of time to buy a load of cards when you’re at the supermarket anyway. Just stock up on a bunch. Takes 2 mins to wrap a pressie.

We buy cards in bulk. We take DD out to choose a gift, this is part of teaching her the joy of giving. It doesn't take long to wrap a pressie, but anyone with a 4 yo will know that the process of writing the card is a long one.

When my DD was small, if she was invited to a party on a Sunday (which lots around us seemed to be) DH and I would often both take her. I worked long hours Monday-Friday and DH worked on Saturdays so Sunday was our only time to actually spend any time together. DD was often invited to activity type parties at our nearest larger town about 30mins drive away so a 2 hour party meant being out for 3 hours minimum. It wasn't an ideal way to spend time together but we could at least chat in the car and whilst DD was playing. Often we just discussed dull but necessary domestic stuff so that we had the rest of the day and the evening free to do something more interesting (or just relax).

This is all besides the point anyway as it was you who were trying to make the pp justify why they liked to attend parties together, which didn't really need justifying anyway. So whag if she could have done things quicker? She wasn't moaning about how long parties took. Just saying that as a family it became the focus of their day.