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Original poster

Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

392 replies

Hanzel44 · 08/02/2025 13:51

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 09/02/2025 13:12

Sometimes we both went to parties because the drive there and back might be the only time we got to talk, we might get to sit down and have a coffee together and plan the week ahead, so in that sense it was an efficient use of time. Also it meant we both met the other parents so next time if one of us went alone they knew a few faces. We especially made the effort in the early days of school for DC so contacts were made, which really helped later for organising play dates etc.

Agree re the supermarket though, it makes no sense to me

IroningBoardAgainstTheWall · 09/02/2025 13:18

We both go to parties to natter to the other parents. It's does DH good to chat with other dads especially. He's often out from 6:30am-7pm with work.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/02/2025 13:23

DonnyBurrito · 09/02/2025 08:42

Yeah, it's a nice way of saying you're massively projecting because none of what I have said is aggressive; passive or otherwise. You, on the other hand...

Show quote history

I didn’t say you’d been passive. Or aggressive. I said you’d been passive aggressive.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
longestlurkerever · 09/02/2025 14:10

Isn't this just family life really? When I think back to my own childhood a lot of it was tagging along with various relatives doing errands. You'd go with grandma to the post office and she'd let you lick the stamp and put it in the post box. Or with your dad to the car wash and pretend the rollers were monsters, or with your mum to the shop and you'd walk along a wall amd press the button for the zebra crossing. Those little things are what built your family relationships and made you feel safe. These days many errands are eliminated but really can't see the need for the remaining ones to be a relentless drive of efficiency to free up.more time for mumsnetting or whatever. Perhaps other families live way more exciting lives than I do.

ruethewhirl · 09/02/2025 14:27

longestlurkerever · 09/02/2025 14:10

Isn't this just family life really? When I think back to my own childhood a lot of it was tagging along with various relatives doing errands. You'd go with grandma to the post office and she'd let you lick the stamp and put it in the post box. Or with your dad to the car wash and pretend the rollers were monsters, or with your mum to the shop and you'd walk along a wall amd press the button for the zebra crossing. Those little things are what built your family relationships and made you feel safe. These days many errands are eliminated but really can't see the need for the remaining ones to be a relentless drive of efficiency to free up.more time for mumsnetting or whatever. Perhaps other families live way more exciting lives than I do.

Edited

But your examples involve one adult, not both...

Brooomhilda · 09/02/2025 14:31

Usually things like birthday parties are where me and DH actually get to spend time together because the toddler is actually occupied with things that don't require us to set up/ help with play. We divide and conquer at home (one occupied toddler while other cleans and does laundry) but when we go out to places which are designed to occupy the toddler we make the most of it. Also, it's just easier to do things like food shop with two parents rather than one.

longestlurkerever · 09/02/2025 14:40

Well I know, but i thought it was dragging the kids along unnecessarily that was the issue. In most of my examples the kids could have stayed at home but went along for the ride. Adults do the same, for the same reasons really. We all went to drop off the books at the library yesterday just because mooching down there together was more fun than one person going alone. We chatted about stuff on the way, had a change of scene. It isn't going to rank as my outing of the year (hope not anyway) but dividing and conquering wouldn't really have improved my day, or dh's.

Fizbosshoes · 09/02/2025 15:44

longestlurkerever · 09/02/2025 11:48

Obviously dwelling on this far too long but it isn't really the case that shopping is more efficient alone, at least not such that it's mad to take another pair of hands. One person can peruse the wine aisle while the other sorts the veg. The kids can choose the yoghurts and some sort of terrible breakfast cereal. You can consult dh about whether he's up for trying the random thing on special offer. And then you can all load the stuff on to the conveyor and help carry it home (we don't have a car). Honestly think those people bursting a blood vessel over a family getting in their way must be quite highly strung in general.

I also confess to quite enjoying a kids' party. But I'm the weirdo that liked baby groups too. So many people sneer at other people who they couldn't possibly have anything in common with other than a child the same age but it often sounds like they just consider themselves special and uniquely interesting mothers. The parents at my kids' school are a pretty interesting bunch on the whole with varied lives and experiences. Why wouldn't I want to chat to them whike our kids play rather than sit at home hoovering the living room again?

I sort of see that if kids are eg 7 or 8+ but I still think (both from experience of having kids that age, and seeing other families in the supermarket) that taking toddlers or preschoolers, is more of a hindrance than a help ....when shopping for anything at all, to be honest! (I'd say my DH makes shopping take way longer than if I go alone, but he at least isn't having a 10 min tantrum about wanting to scan "the yellow milk" or bombing around Tesco on a scooter! 🤣)
My own son rarely goes shopping with me but if I send him with a list I'm confident he'll come back with the right stuff. He'll grumble about it but that's because he's a stroppy teen, not because he hasn't learnt how a supermarket works!

IroningBoardAgainstTheWall · 09/02/2025 15:52

Fizbosshoes · 09/02/2025 15:44

I sort of see that if kids are eg 7 or 8+ but I still think (both from experience of having kids that age, and seeing other families in the supermarket) that taking toddlers or preschoolers, is more of a hindrance than a help ....when shopping for anything at all, to be honest! (I'd say my DH makes shopping take way longer than if I go alone, but he at least isn't having a 10 min tantrum about wanting to scan "the yellow milk" or bombing around Tesco on a scooter! 🤣)
My own son rarely goes shopping with me but if I send him with a list I'm confident he'll come back with the right stuff. He'll grumble about it but that's because he's a stroppy teen, not because he hasn't learnt how a supermarket works!

Show quote history

I'd agree.
If its just me, I'm in and out. Shop at Aldi, so it's a pretty efficient supermarket anyway. But if DH comes along he buggers off to the middle aisle, then returns with the wrong bread, not enough eggs and/or a random butternut squash - so we have to of back there anyway, and then DD(6) gets all excited about the cheese and wants to see what new ones are in and then tries to convince me we need to buy the baby food pouches for her ...
The DH asks "so we need this?" No. "Do we need this?" No. "Oh but I thought we ran out of porridge" no... We have 2 bags in the pantry... "O

So much easier on my own.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 09/02/2025 16:29

I also confess to quite enjoying a kids' party. But I'm the weirdo that liked baby groups too. So many people sneer at other people who they couldn't possibly have anything in common with other than a child the same age but it often sounds like they just consider themselves special and uniquely interesting mothers.

Yes @longestlurkerever I totally agree. The people I can most relate to in my life are often the school parents, it's also so good for the kids for the parents to have a comfortable open relationship with friends parents. I also enjoyed baby groups, who else is the planet is going to give a toss about how often I feed my baby. My eldest is almost 18 and one of my best friends is from his baby group. I was out last night with some friends who are DDs classmates parents, the kids aren't that friendly anymore but we live local. For a long time those weekend morning meets ups were literally my only social life.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/02/2025 16:30

Because they quite like each other 😁

laraitopbanana · 09/02/2025 18:05

Hmmm…

support with said kiddos, convo, way out, discomfort with shyness, not driving in place you don’t know, still not having full night…etc

all in all…because they can really.

user1472151176 · 09/02/2025 18:15

Maybe they go to parties together because they have social anxiety. Maybe they don't know the parents well or the parents are judgy and post on mum's net afterwards about how they think it's weird that couples want to spend time together.

SnoopysHoose · 09/02/2025 18:21

Usually things like birthday parties are where me and DH actually get to spend time together
In a smelly soft play full
of screaming kids? or in house full of ppl you barely know?
Hardly enjoyable time together.
Kids parties are rarely if ever enjoyable, it's something to endure.

BathtimeScroller · 09/02/2025 18:24

I have a disability that you wouldn’t be able to see so need my DH to come with me to places a lot of the time and to be honest, I’ve found reading this thread quite depressing as I didn’t realise clearly so many people would be judging.

RareMaker · 09/02/2025 18:30

Hanzel44 · 08/02/2025 13:51

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

If its a weekend it's probably because we enjoy spending time together

Realitea · 09/02/2025 18:34

Me and dh were like this, did everything together. Schools runs, shopping, trip to the tip, visiting friends, etc. I can’t think of a single time we weren’t joined at the hip! I just loved being around him and we were best friends. Kind of regretting that now as he divorced me and now I feel totally lost!

Oganesson118 · 09/02/2025 18:38

Hmm so to take some examples cited on the thread.

We go to parties together when we don't know many of the other parents - we both hate making small talk with strangers so it's better than lurking alone.

School run we do together if we're both working from home and both fancy getting out in the morning before we start.

Supermarket, we do together if we've been somewhere else together and calling in on the way back. Not what we usually do but of course we would be judged for this by the sounds of it.

SnoopysHoose · 09/02/2025 18:40

@Realitea
All the more reason for couples not to be joined at the hip, it's stifling and if divorce happens, it's a shock managing alone.

Lancrelady80 · 09/02/2025 18:51

Haven't read full thread but...
sometimes at my kids birthday party both parents turn up and I wonder why, neither really know me

This completely explains that particular situation. Moral support and company instead of sitting uncomfortably and making awkward small talk with a bunch of people they don't know well. I know it doesn't help with getting to know other people better, but that can be a really hard situation for some people.

Completelyjo · 09/02/2025 18:54

We do most things to do with our children together on weekend. Take them out together, do the park as a family, pop in for a few food bits, attend birthday parties etc. (the parties around here are all aimed at 2 parents anyway!)
The weekend is out time together, I don’t really want to make something more of a chore by wrangling the kids alone if I don’t have to nor do I want to miss out, stay at home and clean instead!

Completelyjo · 09/02/2025 18:55

SnoopysHoose · 09/02/2025 18:40

@Realitea
All the more reason for couples not to be joined at the hip, it's stifling and if divorce happens, it's a shock managing alone.

Why on earth would you do more things separately to prepare for a divorce that may never happen?
I choose to be in a marriage why would I act like a single parent if I’m not?

SnoopysHoose · 09/02/2025 18:59

@Completelyjo
Touch defensive?
I never said prepare for divorce, I said joined at the hip
is never good.

TickingAlongNicely · 09/02/2025 18:59

We do chores/essential boring stuff separately so we have more time to spend together as a family.

The two parents at a child's birthday must only be those with one child?

Hmm1234 · 09/02/2025 19:03

Hanzel44 · 08/02/2025 13:51

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

Yep I also find this weird. Single parent, my son made a ‘best friend’ at nursery but both the mother and father would turn up to our play dates at the park and I found it so awkward to keep a conversation going with both of them