Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

[Hanzel44]

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

Agree OP, it's very odd

I suspect and from experience a lot of these parents have just the one child. We have three so dividing and conquering is definitely more our thing.

Shopping is grocery shopping is completely unnecessary. As parent to 3 small children I'd have an aneurysm taking all 3 kids with DH shopping. We online shop but otherwise one of us will generally stay home with x2 whilst the other takes x1 shopping

Oh the shopping thing.....never get this!

At the weekend, ok understandable if both parents work, but why is it a family outing?! I used to fucking LOVE going grocery shopping as it meant an hour or so on my own. The only common theme I have seen is Dad wandering off and looking at stuff and Mum kid wrangling. So from his POV its slightly better than having the kids on his own at home.

And dont get me started on the "Day out at A&E" thing......

We are really busy during the week so it’s just time together tbh, we usually have other activities aside from a party or playdate scheduled on the weekends. So we many go from swimming lessons to a party and then out to dinner together. We don’t have a problem with one of us doing something by ourselves (travel by ourselves occasionally) but it’s just that we have other family stuff to do and we are squeezing our DC’s social stuff into our family day rather than a party etc being the main thing we are doing that day iyswim.

Same with supermarket shop, we are popping in after being out to grab our weekly shop. Dh is the kid wrangler in my house so it doesn’t really bother me, plus we have one child so it’s easier. If we had more we would definitely divide and conquer.

This thread is so odd, so many polar opposite opinions but the main question for me is why do you even care? Just get on with your life and stop judging others?!

Not judging, just fucking annoyed that an entire family needs to go shopping and I am expected to make way for that. As a woman who has spent more time as a single parent than a coupled up parent, I get that its unavoidable at times. But when two parents and two kids are strolling around and getting in everyones way, its amazingly irritating and I am thinking "WHY?!" One stay home with the kids and the other shops. Next week, swap. Easy. The Big Shop is hardly a fun experience for anyone, its a chore to be done as fast as possible.

When my dc were tiny, I couldn't drive and so I needed Dh to be with me when I went food shopping. And I liked choosing what I wanted to buy, so didn't want to give him a list.
Sometimes we took our small children - if you don't ever expose them to supermarkets and other 'boring' places, they never learn how to behave appropriately in them!
And actually it wasn't always boring for them - we tried to make it a bit fun.

Re parties, I don't think it's right for a whole family to turn up at someone's house, but if a party was at a leisure centre or soft play in our nearest town, Dh and I would sometimes both go because having driven there, we'd want to do something else before or afterwards. Other times, we'd just take it in turns. If it was cold and the kids were doing football, that was definitely a Dh job!
Otoh, when they had trampoline lessons (indoors) we both wanted to experience their fun.

I can't see why it's a problem that some families like to do most things together, when those things are in public places, not in someone else's house.

I think if other people are getting irritated by families in public spaces, the onus is on them to shop online instead.

Well, quite. Of all the things in the world to be indignant about, this is the oddest one I've seen. Families at supermarkets? Two parents at kids parties? Bring me my smelling salts Janet, as I discover the world isn't built for me alone!

Edit... I love getting lots of parents to come to my kids parties. It's fun for the adults to socialise while the kids celebrate! Usually with prosecco!

Exactly this. The families have exactly the same right to be present in the space as a person who's there alone. People can either deal with this or choose to shop in some other way.

Bring me my smelling salts made me cackle 🤣🤣

I have a different idea of passive aggression, but if that was it for you then fair enough.

and there you go again @DonnyBurrito 😂

Yeah, it's a nice way of saying you're massively projecting because none of what I have said is aggressive; passive or otherwise. You, on the other hand...

This.... control, control, control. It is not always what it seems. He is controlling her so that she loses her confidence over time and feels as though she can do nothing by herself.

Neither has mine. Everyone lives in a flat or a terrace round our way. It’s just not practical.

What a hideously misogynistic and misanthropic view of human relationships.

@Fizbosshoes shopping with both isn’t my favourite activity but easily resolved with an online shop.

Obviously dwelling on this far too long but it isn't really the case that shopping is more efficient alone, at least not such that it's mad to take another pair of hands. One person can peruse the wine aisle while the other sorts the veg. The kids can choose the yoghurts and some sort of terrible breakfast cereal. You can consult dh about whether he's up for trying the random thing on special offer. And then you can all load the stuff on to the conveyor and help carry it home (we don't have a car). Honestly think those people bursting a blood vessel over a family getting in their way must be quite highly strung in general.

I also confess to quite enjoying a kids' party. But I'm the weirdo that liked baby groups too. So many people sneer at other people who they couldn't possibly have anything in common with other than a child the same age but it often sounds like they just consider themselves special and uniquely interesting mothers. The parents at my kids' school are a pretty interesting bunch on the whole with varied lives and experiences. Why wouldn't I want to chat to them whike our kids play rather than sit at home hoovering the living room again?

@longestlurkerever i think shopping is one of the life skills kids probably need to learn. I do take mine but do avoid taking both alone. Tbh taking both plus DH is even more hassle.

We did a bit of both. DH often took sons to football, whilst I took them to parties. But we mixed it up, sometimes went together, sometimes not. Like swimming lessons whoever wanted to take them went.
There’s no rules here, just do what suits and do what you as a family are either comfortable with or have time for.

We have gone to parties together where the group all gets on, I may barely speak to DH. I have never had someone turn up together at one of my dc's parties & not stay or go onto to something.

if we can do a pick up together we will as I loved that as a dc.

The only time we are ever in the supermarket together is when we are to & from somewhere or on holiday.

No I do get wanting to spend time together but sometimes at my kids birthday party both parents turn up and I wonder why, neither really know me.

But don't lots of parents get to know each other this way?

Only time I go shopping with DH is Christmas food shopping so once a year.

Yeah, tbf it's normally dh and the kids that go unless we are on the way somewhere. My kids love a Sainsbury's trip and a chance to influence the snack purchases, and are quite the bargain hunters.

We work hard all week and get little time together. If we are both free we would do everything together really. That being said, since we had our second we have had to start managing our time more efficiently.