Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

[Hanzel44]

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

We typically don’t as we have pretty busy lives but on some occasions we would - if we both knew parents at a party, if we were on route to or from somewhere etc., or just if it’s to the playground/swimming it’s more fun as together? I suppose unless you saw us all the time, you’re not going to be aware of whether it’s a regular thing or not! Most families I know do a mix, not have a rule about it!

My ex and I often did supermarket together with both kids. Often we would be calling in on the way back from somewhere. But even if we weren’t, we both like a browse and make decisions on what we were going to eat based on what was on offer. Offers changed often. Also there are some things which we don’t eat the same of (I’m dairy intolerant for example and he likes milk) so would make sure both tastes were catered for. Also got us out of the house on those days. Sometimes the kids both needed a run out in the car for a change of scenery. Didn’t last long though as we separated when youngest was 18 months. But worked at the time. Never did the parties or anything like that together. Never did the nursery run or school run together, usually due to conflicting working patterns.

There was a a couple we used to see on school run. Older couple. He appeared much older though. They always did all school runs together and were always holding hands. Some thought it was more a coercive type of thing though. The only time I ever saw her alone was at her place of work. Sadly he died. Have since seen her out and about on her own.

So that everyone can choose what they want for the week... or they simply feel like it! What is there to understand?

All the more reason for couples not to be joined at the hip, it's stifling and if divorce happens, it's a shock managing alone.

😆😆😆 How's does doing the school run together equal joint at the hip or unable to mange alone? DH & did the school run together on Friday and then went for brunch. I hadn't seen him much that week as work was busy.

This policing of other families' innocuous interaction is seriously going too far now.

I would take DCs to parties and give DH a break to relax. I would go shopping on my own as it's considerably easier and nicer. Just makes sense to us.

If me and my partner are both present it’s usually because one suggested it and the other one would be bored - so we do it together:

Wouldnt do the routine stuff together like school run, very quick shop, picking up from a local takeaway together. But sometimes I might suggest something, or he might suggest something and we’ve been in all day - and it’s our only “time out the house”. If we both want to go to a kids party it’s probably because of mutual friends - or the opposite! I know I’ll be bored out of my skull and he is better company,

In 15 years of being a parent to 2 DC, probably 20% of parties we have been to and hosted are in the home.

For company. I am not the socialising mum. I smile on the school run and answer a question in the WhatsApp group but I don't put myself out there. So instead of sitting in the corner watching DC play, I'll sit in the corner with DP and chat.

This has been my reality. I don't drive and DP does. Cannot for the life of me trust him to do a sufficient enough shop to last us a whole week and I'm not a shopping list kind of person - more of a I need to see it to figure out what I'll make with it. Therefore all four of us would head over to ASDA and have an argument in the condiments section because both kids are kicking off.

I find people who do this bloody odd- I call them the Howard and Hilda's (after a70s comedy series with a couple like this who wore matching outer ware)

I see a couple walk their DC to school every morning. I also thought it was odd that they both walked but then noticed they wore more of sporty clothing so now I assume it's for exercise as it's quite a chunky (up and down hill) walk

When I didn’t drive DH used to either drop me at the supermarket and take DD to a nearby park or to sit in the cafe and so colouring etc with her. No way would I have gone round with all of us and she used to enjoy going because of it.

I do all the shopping my main gripe is couples where one is shopping the other one is just aimlessly wandering in the way of everyone.

I did know a couple who were like this, it’s because he was a bit wet and go annoyed if he was left behind and he absolutely did not want to be left alone with his children.
If he had them in the summer holidays whilst mum went to her job in a shop he would take them down for the last few hours of her shift and they would hang out in there?

MN is an odd place sometimes.

It’s weirder that you thought it was odd to be honest!

I find it odd too, and I am part of a married couple. So for example, I took one of our sons to his sports match this morning, and of his team of 9 boys, 5 whole families were there: mum, dad, teenage siblings, younger siblings, babies etc to watch their 10 year old play for 1 hour (quite often less as only a few of them play the whole match). In the biting cold and wind. I was there by myself, along with one dad, one mum and a grandad. In our family we always divide and conquer - I took the boy this morning, so my husband took the other child for a walk, and did some gardening. This afternoon the other son had sports training so DH took him and I stayed at home and entertained a visiting great auntie and did some housework. The only time we all go is when we go away for national sports comps a few times a year (two different sports), and then we make a weekend of it.

The thing I find most extraordinary is when I see whole families doing the weekly shop! Why on earth would both parents go and drag the kids round a supermarket when one could stay at home with them or even do something nicer like take them for a walk or to the park?

Not odd that they do something together (I’m in that do most things together whenever schedules permit) but I did wonder what they do if they have that time to do every morning and afternoon pickup together. Usually in families one is at work etc

It's not policing. It's called comment.

When my eldest started year 2, he filled in an ‘about me’ work sheet. His answer to the question ‘what makes you happy?’ was ‘when Mammy and Daddy both pick me up’. It made him happy to sometimes have us both there, together, waiting for him. Whilst it doesn’t require doing everything together it’s valuable (and just nice) for children to see their parents together. My children don’t want us to always divide and conquer. Sometimes it’s nice for them to see the people they love most together and loving each other.

I know someone with social anxiety who can’t go out without her husband

Its claustrophobic tbh. My bf has done this with me for 2.5 years and I have had enough. I've managed to get him a flat as we are now at breaking point. I want and need my own time. In all honesty I think it's dominating men who have little trust. I've had enough.

With ds we both go. Ds is autistic and some times it can take both of us to manage him. Ds when he was in school was on a 4 staff to him ratio. We can usually manage him between both of us. It's much harder when on own with ds

When we take all the children we have a third adult with us. 1 person in charge of the other 3 children. And 2 for ds.

It's awkward going to childrens parties when you arent going to know anyone else there but your child, who will be off playing. If my husband comes too, at least there is someone else i feel comfortable talking with!

We both work full time, so it's not like we actually see that much of each other in the week. And - even after 10 years of marriage - I find him good company, and much easier to get around than painfully making parenty-small talk!

Maybe one is unwell and needs the support of the other.

That’s so sad. For the children.
Anyone who thinks raising children is not stimulating the mind is not doing it properly. If being a schoolteacher is considered a worthy job, then so is parenting, because parents are teaching their children about life, about socialising, where things come from..ie water does not come from taps, milk does not come from supermarkets . To read, to count, colours, to deal with traffic, developing motor skills and coordination. A child is born with only reflexes. Everything else is learned. It’s a wonderful thing and a privilege to be involved in the development of a new human and never should feel like a boring chore, not for a minute.