Do you know anyone that is gay but has just never said?

[Bingoooboo]

I work in healthcare and I’ve had a few cases where I’m sure they are partners but they’ve introduced as ‘friends’. Mostly older people. As a gay woman that makes me so sad. I sometimes wonder if there has been anyone else in my family whose gay but has never came out

Yes, my uncle didn't come out until his late 50s. He had been living with his 'friend' he had met in uni for the previous 30 odd years and never had so much as a sniff of a girlfriend. We were all quite aware without him coming out, but he came out to my grandad before he passed away, who said he thought as much but still loved him (and his partner).

He was very relieved to find he didn't mind and was just glad one of his children had found someone who made them happy (one of six, the only one who either never found a long term partner or divorced).

Me and my cousin, at the time 27 and 22 years old, are bi, and came out at the same family reunion. It was a very intense and relieving week for sure and we were grateful he had done it first and given us the courage to do the same. It's a little sad it took so long though.

We pondered why we were all so worried because we are lucky enough to have a very understanding and loving family who wouldn't care who we love as long as it was all consensual. I could be in a polycule and they wouldn't judge.

Maybe because straight is the default and everyone assumes you are unless you say otherwise?

🙄🙄🙄

Why should you though? Unless it offends you?

Why should I what?

Straight people announce it all the time.
At work the women I work with talk about their husbands, the male actors they fancy, their dates with men. So yes they do announce it.

I found out my uncle was gay by accident when I was a teenager. I never told him I knew and didn’t ask my parents either. I later overheard a conversation between my dad and my grandmother that made me think they both knew.

As it turns out, my dad didn’t. When we cleared out my grandmother’s house, we found certain “materials” that made it pretty plain, and my dad was obviously shocked to find them. It turned out he’d thought my uncle was more asexual than homosexual - but a lot suddenly made sense.

Not the same and you know it.

It is exactly the same.
This whole post is about gay people who have lived with partners for many years but talk about their friend or flatmate. They are hiding. I have never met anyone straight who has done this.

Yeah. Me.

My close friends know, but mostly I think that a) it's nobody's business, b) it's not a big deal that merits an announcement, and c) I CBA to adopt being gay as a whole identity and all that goes along with that.

Just let them live their lives then without having to tell you if they are gay or not. You are the problem, not them.

Of course? But why does it bother you when they decide it's the right time to out themselves?

Has anyone said they have to tell people?

I think it is sad when people have to hide boyfriends/girlfriends/long term partners.

I'm 42. My great uncle was obviously gay looking back and everyone knew it, I didn't as I was only 10 when he died(I know the closet was more full back then). He died of AIDS. I LOVED him so much and it was all very sad. He must've had relationships I imagine but he'd never told anyone.

I didn't come out to family (or anyone who'd know them) until I was 38. And that was an accident of sorts. I planned to never, and I lived far enough from them that it didn't pose a problem. I didn't think they'd accept it. They did, with a little resistance.

@SueGraysShorts Most lesbians do not make being a lesbian their whole identity. They just introduce their girlfriend/partner/wife like everyone else.

@JoyousGreyOrca that's nice.

One of the dads whose dd used to go to school with my dd. I don’t have confirmation. From a passing comment one day, I am not the only one, who thinks this.

o sorry Derek

I had a male friend who wasn't openly gay, as in he didn't say he was, but it was kind of obvious. I think he didn't want to actually date men though? He just used male escorts, he told me about it but lots of his straight male friends didn't know. He sometimes made homophobic 'jokes' as well which seemed all the more awkward.

I have met people who give off gay vibes to me, I don’t mean that in an offensive way. But I feel I can sometimes tell when someone is gay, and I’ve had that a few times but they are usually married to a woman, and then I feel confused

That's horrendous @Wibblywobblybobbly , that poor woman.

I don't think that I know anyone who isn't openly gay, unless I'm just unaware.

Is it possible that they are just friends? I have a very close male friend (I'm a straight woman) who I've known for decades. We have lived together in the past. Lots of people think we're together or have been but we've always been just friends

I believe, thinking back, that my great uncle was gay. He was a bachelor all his life, there were obvious "signs" to me now. He used to holiday every year with a male friend called Leonard, who none of us met and that he didn't discuss.
I spent a lot of time with my GU as a kid in the 70's and he was well into his 70s then. So it won't have been 'acceptable" to come out in his day.
If I'd been older and he had come out, I wouldn't have thought any less of him.
I just think it's sad that people have to hide it.
It makes absolutely no odds to me what someones sexual orientation is. As long as they're happy, that's all that counts.
(My dad once asked me, after my GU had passed away, if I thought he was gay and I said, probably, yes, but did it really matter?!)

Yes, why should it matter? I don't go around declaring my heterosexuality to everyone I meet.

I had a young female colleague who referred to "my partner" all the time, including when a pronoun was far more appropriate. I understood pretty quickly that she was trying to hide the sex of her partner, and deduced they were female. When she left our place of work she added people on Fb and the female partner was there for all to see. I found that really interesting in this day and age (10 years ago). We worked in healthcare and ppl were (are) pretty open minded as a whole.