Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

WWYD - son due to go on holiday tomorrow (inc. 2 days off school) but has been given saturday detention

329 replies

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:27

So we were due to take a long weekend holiday with our DC this weekend in part to celebrate a joint big birthday (DS 16 and my 50th) but also as a treat for DS working hard revising for his mock gcse which have just finished (lots of students still doing exams which is why we felt he wouldn't be missing too much). There was one optional subject he's really struggled with but school wouldn't let him drop. I was disappointed they wouldn't just let him drop it but OK with him drawing a line on that subject as he has 9 others and it was an option and accepting he'd fail one but use the time to focus on the other subjects.

However, I've just had an email from school saying he has been given a saturday detention & will face 'further consequences to be determined' for defacing one of his papers with disrespectful & obscene language (I've seen it and it's awful). There will clearly be consequences at home but of course in the immediate he's due to go on holiday which is hardly a punishment! It feels so wrong to still treat him with a holiday not to mention we had planned on telling school we were taking him away so they will no doubt be furious too given this incident.

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

WWYD?

OP posts:
MrsHamlet · 05/02/2025 17:42

BlessedDayToAll · 05/02/2025 17:39

Very interested to know what the defacing of a paper was with disrespectful and obscene language? Was it something like ‘this is total f’ing shit’ etc? Assuming it was the subject that he is being forced to study (and not a core subject) when he is already studying for 9 other GCSEs. Obviously he has no interest in the subject and is making his frustrations clear! What is the schools rationale for not letting him drop it?

TBH I’d be a bit meh about this (and probably chuckle). Certainly would not have considered him missing a holiday. It’s not like he was rude to the teacher verbally, threatened or bullied anyone.

Certainiy wouldn’t punish him any more at home either. That’s what the detention is for.

You might not chuckle if your child was then disqualified from the exam, or possibly the subject, as a consequence of this malpractice. Because that's what this is.

Lilactimes · 05/02/2025 17:43

Brickiscool · 05/02/2025 17:25

Just tell the school you are utterly horrified and will one hundred percent support punishment. However not this Saturday as you cannot change your plans. Just apologise to them and explain it's your 50th. Don't mention it's also a 16th .

Then confiscate all your son's electronic equipment and carry on with the holiday. I imagine a teen with hate not being able to post about his fab weekend. Perhaps your son can spend his spare time over the weekend writing an apology letter.

But don't miss it as that is punishing you.

This sounds sensible - and say can he also have the detention the following weekend due to it being your 50th and you’re away this weekend?

RudbekiasAreSun · 05/02/2025 17:44

If you are keeping him in school, play by the rules
if you want holidays when you want and if he hates school, take him out

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families General education
ERthree · 05/02/2025 17:44

The obnoxious little sod would be going nowhere but detention. How can you possibly allow him to have a fun weekend away after what he has done ?

Lilactimes · 05/02/2025 17:46

MrsHamlet · 05/02/2025 17:42

You might not chuckle if your child was then disqualified from the exam, or possibly the subject, as a consequence of this malpractice. Because that's what this is.

Show quote history

My grandfather did this on his uni paper … he wrote “spot the deliberate mistake” on a paper full of errors… He was hauled up in front of the UNi Governing Body/ chancellor etc… he had to GROVEL !! This was 60 years ago - they’ve always taken paper defacement seriously!.

Silvers11 · 05/02/2025 17:46

@lechatnoir Just read your update. Sounds a good plan from what you have said. Hopefully the message will get through to your DS and he'll not do something like this again. Enjoy your break away for your 50th.

SlightlyJaded · 05/02/2025 17:52

Well done OP. That's exactly the course I would take.

fashionqueen0123 · 05/02/2025 17:57

Good plan OP

MrsJoanDanvers · 05/02/2025 17:58

ERthree · 05/02/2025 17:44

The obnoxious little sod would be going nowhere but detention. How can you possibly allow him to have a fun weekend away after what he has done ?

Jeez, he’s written some stupid shit on a paper which he’ll never do again. He hasn’t bullied anyone or assaulted anyone. The OP’s solution is sensible and proportionate.

DJrocks · 05/02/2025 18:00

Good plan OP. Enjoy your time away. We’ve all done stupid stuff and he can apologise. Some on here would have him out of the streets though. They must be perfect!

stichguru · 05/02/2025 18:01

Does your son understand and accept that it was not a funny thing to do and it was stupid, and had he done it in the real exams he'd have probably got no grade at least for this exam? If he does, I would tell the school that he can't do a Saturday detention then, because you are all away and it won't be fair to you or the rest of the family if he stays behind, because other people will then have to too. Suggest other times when he could do the detention.

If he thinks what he did was funny, not stupid, then at least one parent has to suck up missing the holiday and making sure son does his detention and has a boring weekend revising, because if he thinks its clever to deface his real exam papers, he'll end up with no GCSEs and that will suck for years to come.

BlessedDayToAll · 05/02/2025 18:03

MrsHamlet · 05/02/2025 17:42

You might not chuckle if your child was then disqualified from the exam, or possibly the subject, as a consequence of this malpractice. Because that's what this is.

Show quote history

Assuming this is the subject he wanted to drop but has not been allowed to, that was perhaps the plan!

Mynewnameis · 05/02/2025 18:04

I'd do exactly the same op.
Enjoy your trip

Redburnett · 05/02/2025 18:08

'Long weekend' implies time off from school on Friday or Monday, if so that is already unreasonable in DS's GCSE year with a half term holiday soon. Why would you expect school to allow one student to stop attending lessons for one subject since this is the implication of him dropping it. Imagine the chaos if every student who wanted to drop a subject went off timetable for eg 3 lessons per week.......
Your DS knew what he was did was very wrong and that there would be consequences. You need to cancel the holiday, and he will have to accept the consequences of his actions.

LBFseBrom · 05/02/2025 18:12

Just tell the school you will be away on a booked holiday so he cannot do the detention on that Saturday but can and will do it on another. That is quite straightforward and the school cannot complain about it.

I am sorry your son is having this difficult but of course he shouldn't have done what he did, which you know. He must face the consequences.

When the exam comes around for the subject he isn't able to drop, I suggest he goes absent with diarrhoea or something similar.

HoraceCope · 05/02/2025 18:13

just take him
defer the detention
make a white lie about where you are going

Floralnomad · 05/02/2025 18:18

Sounds like a good decision @lechatnoir , at the end of the day yes he gets a fun weekend but all that means is the punishment is more prolonged . Do stress that his GCSE papers could be cancelled if he were to do similar again

Techno56 · 05/02/2025 18:29

TeenToTwenties · 05/02/2025 12:54

This needs repeating. It would be really serious in the real exams.

Show quote history

And not just in the subject concerned but possibly all of them. He really needs to know he absolutely must not do this in the real exams.

Starsandall · 05/02/2025 18:35

I would tell the school he is not around on Saturday could they move it back a week. Just go and enjoy the holiday. I think a lot of 16 year olds do a lot worse than deface a paper, if it was the subject he wanted to drop maybe he feels he wasn’t listened to so has rebelled?

Dagnabit · 05/02/2025 18:38

I think you've handled it really well, OP - I wouldn’t lose a holiday either but you’ve shown support to the school and your DS will know in no uncertain terms that this behaviour is unacceptable. I bet he’s feeling a bit embarrassed about the whole thing and hopefully it will be a steep learning curve for him. Enjoy your holiday!

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 05/02/2025 18:38

Hi OP, I've worked in secondary schools for decades. Year 11 can behave just like much younger children on occasion. They look like adults sometimes but inside they are still about 10 years old! Your son really needs to take some ownership here.
You didn't mention what he is doing next year. If he wants to stay on if his school has a sixth form he needs to think about the impression he has just made.
This is the sort of thing which is so unusual it gets remarked on and remembered.

MakemineanAmericana · 05/02/2025 18:39

You appear to be sending out the wrong message to your son.

He's shown disrespectful behaviour already and now you're doing the same.

You shouldn't be taking him out of school during term time anyway, especially in his GCSE year. Even just for 2 days.

Posting as a former sec school teacher I'd be very annoyed with your attitude.

It's not the missing detention but the way you're putting 2 fingers up to the school and taking him away in a school week.

Alifemoreordinary123 · 05/02/2025 18:40

I think that’s a great solution OP. Make sure he understands the seriousness and consequence - but also, unless there are serious issues not noted, kids make mistakes. I’ll never forget my extremely polite and well behaved best friend at school shoplifting on a school trip (as a dare and with other children). He got caught, the riot act was read my school, and his parents went nuclear. He never did anything like it again and is now a CEO of a company (and, most importantly, isn’t a dick).

MakemineanAmericana · 05/02/2025 18:41

'Long weekend' implies time off from school on Friday or Monday,

It's very much a long weekend the way it reads to me.

Thursday, Friday and all weekend.

MakemineanAmericana · 05/02/2025 18:44

we fully support the school and are horrified by his behaviour & lack of respect.

But you don't fully support the school.

You established this holiday ages ago and left it right to the very last minute possible to tell them and only then I guess because a detention was thrown at him.