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Original poster

WWYD - son due to go on holiday tomorrow (inc. 2 days off school) but has been given saturday detention

329 replies

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:27

So we were due to take a long weekend holiday with our DC this weekend in part to celebrate a joint big birthday (DS 16 and my 50th) but also as a treat for DS working hard revising for his mock gcse which have just finished (lots of students still doing exams which is why we felt he wouldn't be missing too much). There was one optional subject he's really struggled with but school wouldn't let him drop. I was disappointed they wouldn't just let him drop it but OK with him drawing a line on that subject as he has 9 others and it was an option and accepting he'd fail one but use the time to focus on the other subjects.

However, I've just had an email from school saying he has been given a saturday detention & will face 'further consequences to be determined' for defacing one of his papers with disrespectful & obscene language (I've seen it and it's awful). There will clearly be consequences at home but of course in the immediate he's due to go on holiday which is hardly a punishment! It feels so wrong to still treat him with a holiday not to mention we had planned on telling school we were taking him away so they will no doubt be furious too given this incident.

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

WWYD?

OP posts:
RachelLikesTea · 05/02/2025 14:53

DragonFly98 · 05/02/2025 14:42

It will be on the schools behaviour policy like this Third offence:

  • Saturday Detention, phone confiscated for an extended period.
Show quote history

May well be but still ridiculous.

Thisisnotmyid · 05/02/2025 14:53

As others have said. Phone the schools explain your away as pre planned and offer the world to make it up to them. They will understand people have lives! Aslong as you’re taking it seriously and showing he will be punished I’m sure the school will work with you. Offer him up for cafeteria duty if need be 😆

Saturdaynightlive · 05/02/2025 14:53

I would call the school, don't ask for permission just tell them he's not available. It's silly but not something I'd consider that serious. Enjoy your trip & let him enjoy his.

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Comefromaway · 05/02/2025 14:55

I too would email the school to say the whole family are away for the weekend, as previously communicated and you feel it would not be appropriate to leave him at home alone with no adult supervision. That you are happy to facilitate the detention at the next available opportunity.

Msmoonpie · 05/02/2025 14:56

I’d just take him anyway and deal with consequences afterwards.

Be very clear with him that it’s not been forgotten but the rest of the family aren’t going to be inconvenienced because of him.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 05/02/2025 14:56

Errrr I’d go on holiday. I don’t understand the angst over it to be honest. Deal with the consequences when you get back. He sounds like a good kid who did a stupid thing. It’s really not the end of the world.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 05/02/2025 14:58

Comefromaway · 05/02/2025 14:55

I too would email the school to say the whole family are away for the weekend, as previously communicated and you feel it would not be appropriate to leave him at home alone with no adult supervision. That you are happy to facilitate the detention at the next available opportunity.

Exactly. Leaving him at home would be a safeguarding failure and you have no one who can care for him.”, so they can suck lemons until he gets back.

Justonemorecoffeeplease · 05/02/2025 15:01

This is tricky. With half term coming up they'll want the detention done and dusted before the break but obviously this isn't possible if you go away. I'd be honest with the school and say that you absolutely believe he should be in detention and that you support the disciplinary measures the school has put in place but practically he can't attend. Would it be possible that he completes the detention another day or could he serve another punishment? If you go in with a very supportive tone/phone call it might grease the wheels a little.

Something for your son to know is that if he did that in his real exam he'd be in danger of all of his exams with that exam board being voided!

MotionIntheOcean · 05/02/2025 15:04

Msmoonpie · 05/02/2025 14:56

I’d just take him anyway and deal with consequences afterwards.

Be very clear with him that it’s not been forgotten but the rest of the family aren’t going to be inconvenienced because of him.

This is what it boils down to.

Even in the best case scenario that there's someone else willing to take him, which is not a given, it's still going to balls up the plans for OPs 50th. Fuck that. This needs to be dealt with, but not in a way that causes problems for the rest of the family.

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/02/2025 15:09

Is there really no way you can leave him behind? No relative who could come over and stay with him? Otherwise, you are going to have to decide an additional punishment because trading a Saturday detention (assuming it can be done a week later) for a skiing holiday won't get the message across that this is serious. It is fortunate he did this in a mock not his actual GCSEs.
I assume the school will have an escalation policy if he misses a Saturday detention and they may want to invoke that.

PleaseAndThankYou12 · 05/02/2025 15:12

Former teacher here - FWIW I think Saturday detentions are absolutely ridiculous. But as this is the situation/policy at your DS's school, my approach would be to contact the school acknowledging the email & issue. Reassure them that you are taking this seriously and he will be reprimanded at home. Advise you have a pre-planned trip and therefore he will not be there this Saturday but ask for another Saturday which would suit them (not sure if they do every Saturday).

I don't think it's worth the whole family missing out on this trip over this issue. He can face the consequences when you return. Good luck Flowers

LookItsMeAgain · 05/02/2025 15:13

Approach the school and see if you can reschedule the Saturday detention to a date when he is around.

I don't see taking him away as a 'reward' for anything. It was a planned weekend away with his family. He can do the school detention when he gets back.

The school doesn't get to make determinations on what someone does at the weekend when they are not at school. Let him do a week of late detentions or one Saturday. I'd still go ahead with your celebrations.

StormingNorman · 05/02/2025 15:13

You haven’t taken him out of any lessons because it’s mocks so I don’t see you’ve done anything wrong - may not be by the book but there’s really no harm being done to his education.

School can’t demand he attends on Saturday if it is not convenient for you. They’ll have to reschedule the detention for a Saturday you can facilitate.

fatandtrying · 05/02/2025 15:23

go on the holiday! he will face what's coming when you're back! never heard of Saturday detentions anymore!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 05/02/2025 15:29

In this situation I would:

Reply to the school stating that your son is unable to do the Saturday detention this weekend, due to a prior family commitment that cannot be changed. I would then tell them how seriously you take what he did and that you consent to the school giving him Saturday detention on Saturday 15th February, and that you agree with the school that he should learn the consequences of his actions and that you will be reiterating what these could be etc.

Then go and forget about it for the weekend and enjoy the celebration, then deal with it with him next week.

The school cannot physically force his attendance this Saturday, and by giving your consent to it the following week, you're not undermining the school and showing you are willing to work with them as well as maintaining your own boundaries and right to enjoy private family life.

Interested to know if they only emailed you about the Saturday detention AFTER you emailed him saying he'd be away until Tuesday?

Doloresparton · 05/02/2025 15:33

It's school not the police telling him to turn up on Saturday.

Message the school and say due to the circumstances he can't do this Saturday but can do another of their choice.

People in the UK are like Lemmings.
Make up your own mind.
And give him a bollocking.

Oldglasses · 05/02/2025 15:34

I get why you're taking him out at this point - no formal lessons and an INSET. In your shoes I'd send a grovelling email to the school saying that you have booked a weekend away whcih isn't transferable and that you can see the gravity of the situation, but your son wont be able to attend on Saturday (v short notice anyway) and that you are totally with them on the punishment and he will do it when you are back.
Or see if he can stay with a friend/relative.
He needs to see the error of his ways, however I have worked in exams (mocks) and students did deface papers, although they were definitely the ones that were never going to do well anyway.

ItGhoul · 05/02/2025 15:43

FFS, you're massively overthinking this and stressing over nothing. Who the hell would ever cancel a whole family holiday because their child got a Saturday detention?!

Your son wrote swear words on an exam paper. Obviously the school need to punish him for that but no, it doesn't need to be on that specific Saturday so just tell them the situation and that you are obviously not in a position to cancel the entire family's holiday for that reason and say that you will happily bring him to detention on the next available Saturday.

pearbottomjeans · 05/02/2025 15:45

I’d still take him on holiday. I’d tell the school ‘we’re going away at the weekend so he won’t be able to attend this detention. Feel free to reschedule it for the following week’. As you said OP, you can deal with the defacement in your own way at home too, so he’s not getting away with it. I don’t see how a birthday holiday relates to bad behaviour at school. They’re unrelated IMO. School is one aspect of life, everyone makes mistakes and has behaved badly, and you’ve already agreed with DS that none of you care about this subject…?

mum11970 · 05/02/2025 15:46

Tootiredforthis23 · 05/02/2025 13:11

I’ve worked in a secondary school for years. Just go on the trip. Call the school, apologise for his behaviour and explain the situation, say he will do the detention another Saturday but you won’t be here this week. Make it clear you don’t approve of his behaviour and will be explaining to him the consequences of doing this in a real exam (it would be better he wrote nothing than did that!).

This ⬆️.
Not a chance I’d be cancelling a holiday for a Saturday detention and neither would a majority of the holier than thou posters who are telling you to.

thescandalwascontained · 05/02/2025 15:47

Tootiredforthis23 · 05/02/2025 13:11

I’ve worked in a secondary school for years. Just go on the trip. Call the school, apologise for his behaviour and explain the situation, say he will do the detention another Saturday but you won’t be here this week. Make it clear you don’t approve of his behaviour and will be explaining to him the consequences of doing this in a real exam (it would be better he wrote nothing than did that!).

I agree with this advice.

Go on the trip, but he serves a Saturday detention upon his return, possibly 2.

I'd also make him write a letter of apology to the teacher.

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 05/02/2025 15:51

Given that the OP says her son isn't rude but does xyz (which sounds like he's a bit of a shit TBH) I think they'll go on holiday and he won't even be given much of a bollocking. He's just a cheeky lad, really, isn't he? 🙄

Lindy2 · 05/02/2025 15:55

He's behaved badly but I'd want to know more about why he wrote what he did on the paper. Loosing his temper, deliberately being rude or was it done in a panic because he wasn't coping? I'd want to know the reasons before deciding my next steps.

I'd be clear with him that writing on his paper like that is not acceptable and not a solution. He may have well been disqualified in a real exam.

I'd get him to write an apology letter and I would inform the school that due to prior commitments he is not available on Saturday but he can do the detention at another time they choose.

He may get an isolation or suspension for not doing the detention. He can use it as extra study time. I'd also make it clear his actions nearly cost everyone the holiday.

I'd then look at the struggling subject and push further for him to drop it. Schools can do this. If they say they can't they are lying.

Writing like that on a paper shows he's clearly getting very worked up and emotional about that subject.

I had a neuro diverse child who was nearly broken by GCSEs so perhaps I'm a little more on the lookout for early signs of a mental breakdown that might initially be mistaken for bad behaviour. If he's just being badly behaved then obviously that's different. Don't just assume it though. Teenage boys don't often want to communicate their real emotions.

Comefromaway · 05/02/2025 16:03

The school cannot physically force his attendance this Saturday,

From experience I'm guessing this is a private school.

My son got a Saturday detention from a private school for basically having an autistic shutdown. I should have seen the warning signs. But private schools can enforce attendance or request that you remove your child.

Justwanttocomment · 05/02/2025 16:03

PleaseAndThankYou12 · 05/02/2025 15:12

Former teacher here - FWIW I think Saturday detentions are absolutely ridiculous. But as this is the situation/policy at your DS's school, my approach would be to contact the school acknowledging the email & issue. Reassure them that you are taking this seriously and he will be reprimanded at home. Advise you have a pre-planned trip and therefore he will not be there this Saturday but ask for another Saturday which would suit them (not sure if they do every Saturday).

I don't think it's worth the whole family missing out on this trip over this issue. He can face the consequences when you return. Good luck Flowers

Another teacher and I agree with this, not sure why some people are getting quite so hot and bothered. Just make sure that he knows that doing this in his real exams could end up with him being disqualified from the subject he defaced the paper on, they do take offensive language etc very seriously.