I need a handhold - my daughter is in NICU and my husband has been asked to go back to work

[oneofmeiscutebuttwothough]

My baby girl was born a week ago tomorrow and is in the NICU, after she was born at 32 weeks. It's looking as though she'll be here for at least another week, if not two.

My husband's work were amazing for the first week. They said he could take it as paid leave, no need to use annual leave or unpaid leave. He had a call with his line manager this morning and they told him that they expect him back from Monday, or they'll count the last 7 days as part of his paternity leave I know it makes sense for him to save his paternity leave for when baby girl is home, but it's also just heart wrenching. He'll do as much flexible working as he can to be with us at least some of the day, but now I feel like I'm going to be taking on a lot of this alone.

I'm not sleeping properly, leaving her everyday is breaking my heart. I know she's in the best place and I know that him going back to work won't be that big a deal, because my mum and MIL are both able to be with me as much or as little as I want. But I also just want him to myself for a little longer so he can be my rock.

Just after a handhold, I don't want to be told to tell him to sue his work or anything like that because I know in the long run this makes sense. I just feel so lost and upset right now

Is there a breastfeeding specialist on the unit? Ask them for advice. They will be very supportive. We tried BF in NICU / SCBU. Ended up needing to top up with formula to get her gaining enough weight for discharge but then combi fed until 9months old when we switched solely to formula. Whatever you decide will be the right thing for you and your family. Such great news that she is off CPAP!

I'll try to speak to a breastfeeding specialist soon. She just seems so small to try and feed 😅

Usually there is bank breast milk in the NICU that they have access to, so if you’re struggling they might be able to top her up that. The bank milk is donated by other mums through a special service & it’s all tested and processed to ensure it’s safe.

I think I'm pumping okay, I'm producing quite a bit of milk which they've been encouraging me to freeze. It just seems scary now to start giving her it. I don’t know, it sounds so stupid

Nothing you’re saying sounds stupid or pathetic, please don’t talk about yourself that way. You’re in a horrible situation and it’s very unsurprising that you’re feeling upset and confused and frankly completely out of sorts. I am glad you have such good support around you, in the way of the parents both sides, and that you and your husband are able to continue to support each other, even in such trying circumstances. Wishing you all the very best of luck and hoping you’ll be able to put all this behind you very soon, safe at home with your little family x

Totally agree. OP's DH's employer could have extended the week's compassionate leave and it would have made so much difference to OP and her DH in coping with such a stressful situation.

Where I previously worked (Higher Education) a male colleague whose baby was born at 28 weeks was able to stay with the baby until they were able to take her home (more than a month) and only started paternity leave at that point.

Well my father in law is sat with baby girl as they think she'll be home by the end of the week! I'm getting my hair done in preparation 😂

My husband is obviously speaking to work about paternity leave, it seems like that'll be starting on Monday for him.

Hi oneofmeiscute. I'm glad they are confident she will be leaving soon. You must be doing really well.

How is she fed now? Our son was tube fed for a while with donor milk. Our feeding seemed quite similar to crispapplestrudles'. We combi fed. Hopefully the feeding team can help you while you are there. There is probably also breast feeding support in the community like there is where I live.

Good luck with feeding. Well done with all your pumping!

I've just remembered that at one stage, we were
topping up my breast milk by mixing formula milk with it in his bottles.

Have a good Wednesday. And best of luck for a discharge by Sunday. Please don't get too disheartened if it takes a bit longer. It will happen.

That's actually quite dangerous, for food safety reasons. Breastmilk and formula should be given separately, one after the other.

It's also wasteful if any is left, it needs to be thrown out which wastes the breastmilk which could have been reused if it hadn't been mixed with formula.

Premmies need all the help they can get so as you've got a good milk supply and good store of frozen breastmilk, it's much safer and better for her to have your breastmilk and not introduce formula as it's totally unnecessary. Formula is really harsh on their little guts, so as you're body is doing a great job on producing milk for her, it's much safer for her to have the milk your body made especially for her ❤

Terrible attitude from you husbands employer, in a few months he'd have had the right to additional leave. Shame on them for not honoring it now

The hospital staff were doing this. He was fine.

Yes it does sound like OP has a good supply.

I can't seem to be able to edit my last post. Perhaps there is a time limit. I meant to say that I think the staff had done this, if I'm remembering correctly, it was just as they were introducing him to formula. So it wasn't for long at all.

its a very common thing to do in NICU actually , either to top up supply or transition to formula.

I've fed her!!!

Oh my goodness I am on top of the world right now, I managed to feed her. I feel so, so proud of myself, and her. Hopefully this is a good step, they're going to monitor how she responds and if she responds well, we're a hell of a lot closer to going home!!

Well done. I hope feeding establishes very soon.

And you are discharged soon.

Congratulations Mumma! I’m sure she’ll continue to go from strength to strength. These little ones are so incredibly resilient, with the right medical care, love, and a sprinkling of good luck, it’s incredible how fast they can turn the corner x

Congratulations!! That's amazing!! Keep it up - well done!

Baby girl is coming home this afternoon!

We've been in a mad rush to get the house ready, I can't believe how well she's doing!

That’s such wonderful news! Thank you so much for sharing with us - you’ve brightened up my Friday 💛 I hope you enjoy the newborn bubble xx

Congratulations! That is fantastic news. You must be so pleased to be going home. ❤️

It's appalling of them to offer him paid leave and then backtrack on that by saying it will be given as paternity leave if he doesn't return on Monday.

Anyway, I'm very pleased to read your updates - brilliant news 💐

Amazing news!!

@oneofmeiscutebuttwothough get in touch with the premature & sick baby charity, Bliss. They will support you with the legal side as the law has changed to give parents more rights.

https://www.bliss.org.uk/