I need a handhold - my daughter is in NICU and my husband has been asked to go back to work

[oneofmeiscutebuttwothough]

My baby girl was born a week ago tomorrow and is in the NICU, after she was born at 32 weeks. It's looking as though she'll be here for at least another week, if not two.

My husband's work were amazing for the first week. They said he could take it as paid leave, no need to use annual leave or unpaid leave. He had a call with his line manager this morning and they told him that they expect him back from Monday, or they'll count the last 7 days as part of his paternity leave I know it makes sense for him to save his paternity leave for when baby girl is home, but it's also just heart wrenching. He'll do as much flexible working as he can to be with us at least some of the day, but now I feel like I'm going to be taking on a lot of this alone.

I'm not sleeping properly, leaving her everyday is breaking my heart. I know she's in the best place and I know that him going back to work won't be that big a deal, because my mum and MIL are both able to be with me as much or as little as I want. But I also just want him to myself for a little longer so he can be my rock.

Just after a handhold, I don't want to be told to tell him to sue his work or anything like that because I know in the long run this makes sense. I just feel so lost and upset right now

@oneofmeiscutebuttwothough 💐 I know it's hard. DS had to go to the SCBU at two days old and he was born on his due date! So not even a preemie. (He was a big baby, one of the pediatricians called him 'the toddler' then explained that he worked at the NICU in another hospital. I had gestational diabetes and he was born via c section, so had a few problems.) Can't imagine how it must feel having to leave your baby at the hospital. I'm glad she's being moved to the SCBU. That's progress! I hope things continue to go well. ❤️

When we were apart from DS, we slept with a muslin, and we put one in his incubator. And we swapped them over.

I'm glad the sunshine helped your mood. It's hard stuck indoors. We used to hold DS at the window and explain there was a world our there.

Hope your daughter is doing well today! My second was in NICU for 5 weeks after he was born and my husband's work made him go in for two days WHILE HE WAS ON PATERNITY LEAVE.

The days are long, the pumping schedule is relentless, but you will get through this. You're strong enough.

It's been a tough day, baby girl is on antibiotics as she's got an infection. Hopefully it's just a minor setback

Sending you all my good thoughts 🌷

She's in the best place to take care of her. Sending you all lots of good wishes! The reason DD1 was in NICU was because she had GBS sepsis. It all was so scary at the time, she had a course of antibiotics, some brilliant care from some very kind and reassuring doctors and at 3.5y it seems a lifetime ago now. She was soon in SCBU and everything looked a lot more positive. Hopefully your DH can be with you today?

Sending you lots of love. My twins were in neonatal, DS for 10 days, DD did 6 weeks and it’s awful. Often feels one step forward two steps back until suddenly it all turns round! It’s really tough so my thoughts are with you and hope your little is strong and well soon. My DH took his two weeks paternity then the GP signed him off. He had the rest of the time she was in NICU and then two weeks at home with us before going back to work.

Sending love and congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

I totally hear you. My DS was born at 34+6, went to SCBU. Luckily he was only on CPAP for about a day then he continued to gain strength beyond that. I got home from hospital when he was 5 days old. Home to my eldest DC who was 2.5yrs, but leaving my baby by himself in hospital (I know he wasn't alone, but without a parent by his side). DH took compassionate leave while I was in hospital then he went back to work to save his parental leave for when we were at home. I'm not sure how he did it! He would go to visit DS during his lunch break, or go after work if I had managed to get someone to drive me there earlier in the day (he was born by C section). Expressing milk was so tiring, up in the middle of the night to express for my baby who wasn't with me, making sure someone could take it to hospital for him if I had to be at home with the eldest. With the added thought to try to keep our eldest in some sort out routine. Absolute nightmare. Worst time of my life. I felt like I needed to split myself in 2. And with no real, proper support from anyone other than DH.
DS came home at 12 days old (so 36+4?). That was by far the best day of my life by a country mile. Everyone at home. Just the 4 imof us. Getting to know life as a family of 4.
I'm not looking for sympathy. Just wanted to explain to you that I get you. Stay strong. You've got this 💪

I still hear you. And you are strong enough. Hope her infection goes soon. Our DS had an eye infection. They weren't very quick starting him on the antibiotics for that. But mainly they were good.

DS was 34 and 4.

Felt like I needed to split myself into more than 2 and that was without another DC! I often thought it would have been even harder having another DC. I also didn't have any real support other than DP. I'm not looking for sympathy either.

I found out later that DP had taken some personal days during my hospital stay. He'd been bringing me items into hospital. I went in unexpectedly and didn't have much with me.
He never took 2 weeks straight. And lost a couple of paternity leave days. It was one of the worst times of my life. I didn't have my mum at the end of the phone either, as she passed away years ago. I remember thinking she wouldn't have been able to help anyway, as obviously no one could come and actually visit us!

I don't know how my DP did it either. While we lived in hospital, he'd leave hospital to go and work at home!

Yes the first day back home with baby is amazing. Walking out into the garden felt great.

DS was recently 4.

You can do this.

Aren't some employers just downright horrible. Beggers belief.

I was going to add that they let DP and I be together with DS on a couple of occasions, after I'd pushed for it. There were exceptions were both parents could be with babies, if they had twins!!

Also, partners were only meant to stay an hour after the birth I think it was. But they weren't pushing partners out the door bang on the hour, thankfully! I think DP left after 2.5 hours post birth.

Unfortunately the night after the birth, they put me in a room with three others whose babies were with them. While mine was down the unit! Obviously this was extremely hard. But I think it also would have been hard caring for him without DP.

They wouldn't let him walk the corridors freely though as a lot of women didn't have their partners there, so I hobbled along with odema and post c section sterilising bottles. I'm very glad partner was at least able to live in with me. Though it was obviously awful not to be with baby together. We had a room together 2nd and 3rd night post labour. Then we went home. Then we were in for 10 days before all going home together. We were establishing feeding. We did combination feeding. Lots of pumping.

I hope your partner can stay with you overnight at the hospital too.

Well my husband is off to work it doesn't feel as hard as expected, but it's also still shit

It will be hard, but you will get through it.

Do you think it would help you again to drive part way and get the tube to give you some time where you get some sunshine? Or even park the car and then go for a 20 minute walk once you're there? It sounded like that really grounded you, so if it worked it might be worth doing again?

@Ineffable23 depending on the weather MIL and I will be walking part of the way, my in laws are coming over soon bless them

@oneofmeiscutebuttwothough If you need him at all, don’t be afraid to call him. And also, if there’s an important milestone you want him there for, remember you can call him and he can step away.
Your DC is lucky to have such a strong role model as their mother x

I hope the anti-biotics are kicking in and that today is a good day. Hopefully she'll turn the corners this week and be home in no time.

Thank you, we're going to get breakfast before we go to the hospital because my MIL wants to get me out of the house aside from the hospital. She's trying to talk me into going and getting my hair done or something like that but it feels so frivolous when my baby is in the hospital

Today has been a good day. I had lots and lots of cuddles, before MIL and I went for a walk along the river, did a little bit of shopping and got a hot chocolate. I'm going to get an early dinner before meeting my husband at the hospital for the evening

Oh OP, I think your feelings and emotions are totally valid, its amazing you have your families support, but nothing is quite like your partner.

So glad your baby girl is doing better. I hope she's home with you soon x

I'm.glad it's going well. You will be able to cope.

I hope the pumping and feeding are going well. And I hope you can continue to get some sunshine.

The hospital tend not to tell us about what they're hoping for babies, in case it doesn't happen and it disappoints us.

We went to grab a snack for my husband, came back and baby girl is off CPAP 🥹 one step closer

I'm glad to hear that. I hope she's home soon.

Sorry I didn't realise she had still been on CPAP. I thought she was already off. Fortunately my DS only needed oxygen for a couple of days.

My DS kept getting having to be trrated again for jaundice, so don't worry if she needs to keep having the jaundice treatments.

It's good when they move from an incubater to a more regular type of cot (obviously). I was offered to change his nappy through the little holes in the side of the incubator!

Good luck for Tuesday.

Good luck and I hope you have another good day.

Do take your MILs advice to get your hair done. Once the baby's home there will be no chance for at least 6 weeks. You are worth it and the baby really won't remember you having a couple of hours off. They are loved and have five other grown ups to hold their hand and gaze at them.

Hoping to get her feeding today!

I'm terrified of that, I don’t know whether to just press on and do bottle feeds and formula, given the rocky start. I'd hate for my body to let her down now.