What's the most ridiculous way you have injured yourself?

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I'm incredibly clumsy and I think I might have broken my toe (the one next to the big toe). I pushed with my feet to scoot back on the sofa and the foot slipped forward but the toe somehow curled under my foot and got trapped. There was a nice crack noise and then the pain hit. The pain is unbearable when I stand or walk so I've come to bed early with pain killers, a book and a cup of tea.

So could anyone share a ridiculous injury to make myself feel less stupid?

When I was about ten I touched an electric fence in a field to see if it was live. Yowza!

As a new mum with a 2 week old baby I woke up in hypoglycaemia (type 1 diabetic) feeling really shivery and dizzy. Got up and went to the bathroom thinking I was about to be sick and passed out. The bathroom floor and hall floors were slightly uneven meaning the bathroom door had enough of a gap to fit your big toe underneath.

Came round 30 second later sprawled on the bathroom floor with a god awful pain in my foot. In my hypo state I got a drink of lucozade and went back to bed. Realised in the morning that as I passed out I caught my big toe under the door, which I must have started to open, and broke it.

Had to hobble around in a cast for 6 weeks with a newborn. And lived in a first floor flat 🤦‍♀️

I dislocated one side of my jaw in my sleep, probably by lying on my knuckle with my mouth slightly open. It was quite an easy fix but I did have multiple professionals take me aside to ask me about domestic violence (which I was very impressed by in terms of safeguarding, even though I didn't need it myself).

I once dropped a dinner plate with three jam donuts on it on my foot - not broken but three toe nails dropped off.

black eyes playing hide and seek with the dog (she jumped with excitement from finding me and her skull connected with my nose and I heard a crunch).

DIY and dropped a hammer on foot and fractured the bone - ended up on crutches.

Im just clumsy. Worst was when I hurt poor exB. He decided we should be more adventurous in bed. He wanted to try reverse cowgirl. I’ve since discovered it’s the number one cause of penile fractures. Poor guy - when he screamed in agony I trumped and a little rabbit dropping shot out of my bottom. Not my finest moment. Then I had to drive him to the hospital.

Broke my foot by stepping up a step at the wrong angle.
About a week later I had a much more impressive accident - went to work at a bar despite my broken foot, poured someone a drink, stepped back from the till straight into the open cellar hatch behind me and disappeared straight down the trapdoor, still holding the drink, which amazingly I didn't spill and landed half way down the cellar steps pretty much unscathed.
The bar owner let me sit out the rest of my shift and keep the drink I was holding, and everyone assumed that was how I broke my foot!

Made lunch or toasted pita bread and hummus. Bite into toasted pita bread and the steam that built up in the pita pocket burnt my nose and cheek. Had burn mark that didn’t fade for about a year

also broke my big toe when scuba diving and walking into the sea, I hadn’t been before and misjudged how to walk, tripped and tried to stay upright. Why my toe broke I don’t know and didn’t realise until after I had dived

Snapped thumb tendon putting on a shoe! Was trying to pull on the heel when I tripped, my thump was still in there. Sounded like a guitar string snapping. 12 weeks in a cast, unable to type and starting a new job the next day. Grrrr.

Two things stand out:

Went to the loo in the middle of the night half asleep. Misjudged the distance, sat down in front of the loo, not on it, fell backwards and cracked my head REALLY HARD on the loo. I think I had concussion. Ended up on the floor for ages, still desperate for a wee, before I could get up.

More recently, forgot that the bottom-hinged oven door was open. Walked into it at speed, fell over it, broke it, absolutely battered both shins black and blue. Incredibly painful for weeks and again, bad enough to be on the floor for ages before I managed to stagger to my feet.

Slipped over in the shower and dislocated my elbow
Dropped a glass and cut the webbing in between my thumb and index finger - had to have surgery under local as I'd cut the nerves in my thumb. Still haven't got much feeling in it.

I did similar - sat on sofa with legs crossed, got up and leg was completely numb. Staggered off, twisted ankle really badly, fell on to table and broke two ribs.

Leaned across my dressing table while naked and forgetting my straighteners were directly in my path, brushed nipple against very hot straighteners and ended up with an incredibly painful nipple for ages. So uncomfortable while it healed!

I can only read a few of these at a time before my knees and tummy go funny 🤕But very enjoyable all the same!

So many of you have multiple stories of bizarre (and often serious) injuries. Would love to know why that is - is it balance, spatial awareness, or what is it that makes some more accident prone? Any theories?

I've got none - no sprains, no broken bones, no random stitches, no concussion. It's probably more bizarre that I have none, to be honest!

Walked carefully down a very steep hill in 5 inch heels before changing into my trainers when I reached my car (so I could drive me and friends home). Shoes changed, I walked across the road to grab a snack from a shop before we headed off and yep, tripped over on a flat pavement and sprained both wrists.

I broke my little toe on my right foot by accidentally catching a table leg. After visiting A&E next morning, as not able to weight-bear on my right foot, x-rayed, I had split my little toe from top to bottom through the centre of the toe. My GP howled with laughter as it was quite an impressive thing to do & signed me off for 4 weeks with my toe strapped to the next one & I wore a sock as I couldn’t wear any shoes, even slippers. As a nurse it was unacceptable to wear just a sock on the ward, so on return with a slipper I had to stay in the office & do all the paper/computer-work! Bored Stupid by week 6 & forced my nurse’s shoes on just to be able to work properly!

Fell in the shower and whacked my mouth off the handles on the bath. Ended up with notably swollen lips and had people asking me if I'd had my lips done for week after.

I have a habit of closing car doors on myself. Yes really. Covered in bruises. So much so that DB once offered "to have a word" with my then boyfriend as my family "had noticed the bruises"!!!

I once played Tetris obsessively for three hours in the same position. When I eventually stood up my leg had gone to sleep and gave way and I sprained my ankle really badly. I could only crawl for a couple of days.

Leant forward to swipe the last piece of chocolate orange from the coffee table. Pulled a muscle over my ribs. Hurt like he'll for a couple of weeks.

Eating a bag of posh salt & vinegar crisps I'd bought as a treat, the really crispy/brittle ones, bit into the first one and a piece broke off and pinged upwards into my eye, with enough force that the sharp bit stuck in my eye.
I pulled it out and used an eye wash but by God it hurt like a bitch with all the salt.
The walk in and then opthalmic clinic found the story highly amusing when I developed an infection and needed treatment a few days later!

I was washing the dishes once and saw a tiny bubble floating up and somehow got me right in the eye and OM goodness that tiny bubble of fairy liquid nearly burnt my eye ball out I was blinded for several days could barely open it. Have to point out it was the antibacterial kind with eucalyptus not just the normal one not sure if all versions are so unkind to eyeballs but i cried for hours after it was agony.

Played the cello for two hours after not practicing for months and months. Couldn’t type the next day.

Punched myself in the face trying to Pell the attachment off the hoover.

You win the Internet. That's very impressive.

Broke my toe while swimming (I was in a lake a kicked a rock).

Poked a hole in the roof of my mouth with a knitting needle (for some very stupid reason, I decided to hold the needle in my mouth (pointy bit inwards to make me even weirder) and then knocked the bottom of it with my knee). Turns out that the roof of your mouth bleeds a lot. Required a tetanus shot.

Friends husband microwaved some bacon to make a crispy garnish on our lunch. As I swallowed I felt the most agonising pain and realised the bacon had cut the inside of my throat like a razor. I was too polite to make a fuss and sat in pain sipping cold water. It hurt for days.

Fell down a wet grassy bank when camping, my right leg slid down and my left leg went up behind me at the knee. We had to stay in a hotel that night as I couldn’t bend my knee to crawl in a tent. There was an ice machine in the corridor and dh was trotting back and forth with ice for my knee.

Cutting ham one Boxing Day, managed to slice my finger tip.

Df’s ndn fell out of her loft. She was taken to hospital in an ambulance but has fortunately made a good recovery.