What's the most ridiculous way you have injured yourself?

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I'm incredibly clumsy and I think I might have broken my toe (the one next to the big toe). I pushed with my feet to scoot back on the sofa and the foot slipped forward but the toe somehow curled under my foot and got trapped. There was a nice crack noise and then the pain hit. The pain is unbearable when I stand or walk so I've come to bed early with pain killers, a book and a cup of tea.

So could anyone share a ridiculous injury to make myself feel less stupid?

I walked into a pile of scaffolding planks that I knew were right in front of me. (It was summer and the evening sun was right in my eyes and mentally I drifted off for a second.) I absolutely flew through the air and landed on my side, which first felt excruciating then went dead/pins and needley. All I could do was sit utterly dazed for about five minutes, like a cartoon character when birds go round their head 😂 I was home alone and no one was in earshot so it was quite scary. The bruises were dreadful!

Oh, also bruised coccyx from carrying a laundry basket down the stairs in overly long pyjama bottoms, treading on the hem, going down the stairs and ending up in a heap of my own dirty pants etc.
And as I yelled, my housemates saw my indignity. Sitting down was a challenge for some time.

In days of Mumsnet yore, didn't a poster say she'd broken her toe by getting over-confident with a Kegel weight? And told A&E that she'd dropped a frozen chicken on it?

When I was 16, I was playing a dance game on Xbox Kinect on the tv. Lady gaga - poker face. Twisted too quick and disclocated my knee cap. Ended up in an ambulance and gas and air in a&e for a manipulation back in 🙈

One morning I was getting ready for work and putting my bra on, the hooks got stuck in my thumb the more I wriggled the deeper they got,
My hand was stuck behind my back (vision putting your bra on) I didn't know what to do, luckily I didn't live alone and my dad of all people had to cut the bra hook strap part off my bra and I had to not only call in sick to work using the excuse my bra was stuck in my thumb but I had to go to a&e with a bra strap handing off my thumb, every receptionist, nurse, dr found it hilarious, I having to have local anaesthetic and my thumb sliced open did not, I also had to show my a&e letter as proof at work to make them believe me

Wow, some of these are 'ouch'. But also funny..eventually.

I broke my coccyx whilst enthusiastically dancing at a school trip disco. I was trying to 'dip it low' and hit an edge of a chair behind me. The pain was equivalent to me breaking something in my body but I didn't realize until much later. But couldn't do sit ups lying flat on my back or sit for long periods without some sort of extra padding.

Boyfriend fell backwards whilst ice skating and stabbed himself into the back of his leg with his skate.
Had to have his front teeth reconstructed after they got knocked out by someone's golf club, he stood too close behind the person taking the swing.
Walked into a big floor to ceiling glass door in a holiday resort dining room. The bang-rattle-rattle-rattle was so loud that the whole dining room turned around to see him sliding down the glass.

In gym class we were asked to skip on one leg down the length of the gym and switch legs at the half way point. My best friend broke her leg switching legs.
A year later, exactly to the day again in gym class, she broke her front tooth by biting into her kneecap whilst jumping on a trampoline.
The following year on that day she chose to skip gym class.

I tied ddog to a folding chair that I was sat in in a park. Stood up and forgot to untie him so he took off running dragging the chair behind him. Took 5 people to finally herd him towards me where he slammed straight into me with the chair and broke my big toe.

Ds shut his hand in the car door as I was putting shopping in the boot. Heard him scream so I slammed the boot shut on my own hand and trapped myself. Had to flag down a passer by to free us both.

Gave an enthusiastic drunken blow job and ripped that piece of skin that attaches your tongue to the bottom of your mouth.

Not an injury as such, but I once ate a pessary. I asked for a Canestan oral tablet at a Greek pharmacy but I got the pessary instead. Didn't realise my mistake until it started fizzing in my throat.

Ex dh once knelt down to pick up the dog's food bowl and nearly sodomised himself on a jagged metal pipe sticking out of the floor (I think a radiator used to be there). Had to take him to A and E where the nurses obviously didn't believe a word of his story.

On viewing a house I fell down 1 step and managed to break my humerus, a mid shaft spiral fracture.

I once dislocated my knee changing my daughter's nappy. I had her on a changing mat on the living room floor, and was kneeling to change her. When I got up, my knee went out. I lived in a first floor flat at the time, and couldn't move - my wife had to call an ambulance and I was carried down the stairs by the crew. They put a splint on me, and eventually it popped back into place.

I also once accidentally stabbed myself with a fountain pen nib while filling it with ink, permanently tattooing a small green spot on my right hand.

I bruised my elbow on DH's face.

I gave him a black eye by turning over in my sleep. Come the morning, there he is with a proper shiner, and me with no memory of it at all apart from the tell-tale bruise on my elbow. Whoops.

Eighteen years ago, determined to get myself into a shape that didn't resemble Barbapa, I bought a rebounder (mini trampoline that folded in half for easy storage). It was a pain to fold up - they made it look so easy in their online video - and it would take me at least 5-10 minutes after each use to get it folded. One day, no-so-ably assisted by my mum, the bloody thing suddenly snapped itself shut on my face and broke my nose. It was agony, I bled all over my top and the rebounder, but my mum couldn't stop laughing at me, she was literally doubled over in hysterics with tears running down her face. Needless to say, I never used the rebounder again.

Within a week on the same machine at the gym (lat pulldown) I have whacked myself on the head and done my back in.

I once misjudged stepping over a puddle, lunged too far forward and not only strained my groin but managed to bring my nose down hard onto my own knee. Blood everywhere and two black eyes - and a faceful of puddle water as a bonus!

DM broke something (can't remember what now - arm, leg, pelvis...) falling off a stool while swatting a fly on the ceiling in the middle of the night.

The fly got away.

Walked into the patio doors just after cleaning them. Saw actual stars and I think I was a bit concussed.
Gave myself whiplash when hoovering. The hoover was a rubbish upright that when you used the hose it would shorten and pull the hoover towards you. I tried to move out of the way so the handle didn't smash me in the face, but moved too quickly.
Dropped a wine glass off the worktop and it landed base side onto my big toe. Cut which wouldn't stop bleeding unless I had my foot up. We were meant to go out for a family day the next day.
Broken my little toes I don't know how many times by catching them on door frames or cardboard boxes.

Took a shoe off, turned to walk away, tripped over the shoe I’d just removed at an awkward angle. Broke ankle.

This sounds ridiculous. Those washing machine tabs. One had burst in my worktop. I picked it up and threw it on the kitchen bucket. Some of the gel was still on my hands. So I was in a hurry to go somewhere, I smeared it on my chest to get rid of the gel. Hours later I was at the chemist with second degree burns on my chest . I felt so silly. Just shows you how dangerous these are

Was first in the accident book in new office building, for cutting open my thumb on the serrated edge of the metal toilet roll holder (the paper had jammed and I tried to yank it).

I tested my toddlers new buggy board on the back of the pram whilst the pram was empty. Clearly any of my knowledge on physics and counterweight went out of the window. I flew backwards and hit the deck, still rigidly holding the pram handles and ended up folded up with it on the floor. Was with a friend at the time who couldn't help me for laughing her head off. My back hurt for weeks!

Recently, I sliced the end off my finger. It wasn’t down to the bone but was pretty deep.
I have a mandolin and every time I use it I give myself a talking to not to try and use it without the guard, but I was slicing big potatoes and the guard is awkward with large veg. Got carried away and then it wasn’t down a blood bath. It took 24 hrs to stop bleeding!
I have now invested in a special glove ( chain mail) which works a treat. I double up and use both the guard and the glove.
I have photos but they are pretty gory.

So many but
As a kid in PE class I did a handstand lost tension in my arms came down on my head knocked myself out. Did the same thing again about six months later doing a cartwheel in my garden.
As a teenager a pigeon flew into the front wheel of my bike, came round lying in the road with my bike on top of me, according to man in car who stopped to help me I had done a comedy style somersault through the air.
just a couple of years ago me and DH were out and returning to our parked car, somehow I misjudged the last step in a flight of steps crashed to the ground with my ankle trapped under my not inconsiderable weight it hurt so badly I had to lie on the pavement for a good 5 mins then crawl along the pavement to the car then straight to A&E it was badly sprained i didn’t realise an ankle could swell up that much, worst is everyone thought that I must have been drunk as it happened on the 1st January, hadn’t had a drop.
That sprain was way worse than the broken foot I got catching my foot on the edge of a stair going upstairs in my house..

Reading these...with my arm in a cast
Turned to pick up my dog's poo on a walk last week, slipped on mud and fractured the hamate bone in my hand. Very excited dog licking my face as I lay on the ground whimpering. Minor injuries failed to spot the break on Xray, so merrily continued driving with a very painful arm until 2 days later when the main hospital rang me to tell me it was indeed broken,

Fractured my coccyx last April slipping on our wood floor and landing on the coffee table which is made with railway sleepers. It still hurts. A lot.

Dislocated my thumb holding a kick pad in Taikwondo. My partner missed the pad and I watched my thumb go 180 degrees the wrong way. Drove myself to hospital!

And... lying in bed with my laptop, naked,.. snapped the lid shut. On my nipple!!

My DD1 (adult) wants me to learn to snowboard so I can go with her ..we've booked lessons. I WILL be wearing padding!

Balanced an inflatable chair on a bed to play ships. Needless to say the ship sunk...

In the past I’ve broken my finger by slamming it in sliding patio doors, I was drunk.

Broken a bone in my foot taking a baking tray out of the oven. That was a weird one. I was living with a friend who was having her kitchen redone. The oven was outside for storage covered in a big sheet of plastic. Friend asked me to fetch a tray out of the oven, it was very dark and I didn’t realise the plastic was secured by a concrete block which I tipped onto my bare foot.

The dog jumped on the bed, misjudged her landing and sliced open my eyelid with her dew claw. It was Boxing Day and I couldn’t be bothered to traipse 10 miles to A&E so used steri strips. It healed fine.

My DS sustained double black eyes when he was hit by a normal sized chess piece at school. He was so swollen across the bridge of his nose and forehead he looked like one of the blue aliens from the film Avatar.
When they rang me from school they had great difficulty not giggling. When the nurse said it happened in the classroom I pictured a chair hitting him. Even when he told me it was a chess piece I imagined a huge outdoor chess piece, but no it was a common or garden 2inch Rook. It was his first ever sporting injury. I too struggled not to laugh, although a cm either way and it could have been a much more serious injury.

I was standing on a table trying to retrieve the cat who was tangled up in the net curtains. The curtain ripped, the cat fell down (unhurt) then the table leaf collapsed, sending me flying backwards. The heavy computer monitor crashed down on me, breaking three ribs.