What's the most ridiculous way you have injured yourself?

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I'm incredibly clumsy and I think I might have broken my toe (the one next to the big toe). I pushed with my feet to scoot back on the sofa and the foot slipped forward but the toe somehow curled under my foot and got trapped. There was a nice crack noise and then the pain hit. The pain is unbearable when I stand or walk so I've come to bed early with pain killers, a book and a cup of tea.

So could anyone share a ridiculous injury to make myself feel less stupid?

Bent down to get something out of a drawer and ruptured a disc in my lower back and herniated the two discs above.
It's led to permanent pain and problems in my back for six years now
Recently took jeans off to get ready for bed, got my foot stuck fell forward trying to stop myself I trod on a storage box and crashed face first into a shelving unit breaking the top shelf clean off
I could go on ..... I'm so clumsy

Dp broke his wrist by rather than squashing the rubbish down into the wheely bin with his arms, jumping off the wall next to it into the bin and then falling out onto the pavement. I'm afraid I laughed and was unsympathetic. Until it turned out he actually had broken it, then I just laughed while being a bit sympathetic.

I stepped out of an ambulance onto uneven ground, broke my ankle.

It was my ambulance.

We'd just pulled up outside an address on a job.
Thankfully, the patient was fine.
I, however, got taken to hospital, in my ambulance, by my crewmate.

Should have gone to SpecSavers😄

I managed to knock myself out, swinging round a pole. Didn't realise my hands were sweaty so as I swung myself round it my hands slipped off and I crashed down onto the floor below banging my head on the way down. Came round to a Police officer stood over me. I will add I was probably only 16/17 at the time. Looked fuck all anywhere near that so how I even managed to get into the nightclub in the first place let alone drink an absolute skinful is beyond me. Even with the skirt that just about covered my minge and a top that just about covered my boobs there was no way I could pass as 18 or older. Oh the police were there for a different reason Btw but I did manage to bag myself a ride back home with them

Put my left index finger in the blender to dislodge a bit of vegetable and accidentally turned the blender on at the same time with my right hand. So much blood……..

Did a Fortnite dance trying to be funny, kicked a champagne bottle neck/cork sticking out of a shelf, toe is still bent several years later.

Touching the back of my head with my foot (very bendy), let go and smacked my foot into the arm of a mahogany rocking chair.

Tore the muscle near my knee falling onto a stage.

Was a passenger in a car that braked quickly, dislocated my shoulder.

I was not blessed with grace and poise.

Pulled the duvet up to cover myself better forgetting mobile phone was there. Smacked myself in the face with said phone giving myself a black eye.

I narrowly missed taking my eye out on a camping rotary washing line. I somehow trod on the leg which turned it into a dangerous projectile that smacked into my head. When I got home, no one asked about my holiday but were intrigued about my steri strips and the whopping black eye!

Ow ow ow

Putting a cup away in the kitchen cupboard, somehow dropped it and it smashed on the worktop. A shard of it then somehow ricocheted off the worktop and sliced my wrist, blood pouring everywhere.

Running late for an optician’s appointment. Got out of my car quickly, tripped over my own walking stick which I have for my dodgy foot. Broke a bone in my dodgy foot. Still hurts, months later.

Clothes store changing room. Went to clos the curtain, there was an elastic band on the floor, it rolled under my foot.

I was still clutching the curtain.

I went down like a ton of bricks and so did the curtain along with the pole, ended up with mild concussion and a black eye from the pole.

I did not make a purchase that day.

Getting towed over a ramp on rollerblades by someone on a bike (I was about 8 I think).

Fractured my skull 💀

Not a serious injury, but I gave myself a papercut behind my ear when I put my cracker paper crown on at Christmas.

I have also pinched my finger getting the padlock off the back gate so I dropped the padlock and it hit my toe and bruised the nail.

I've put my back out getting something out of my bicycle pannier.

I'm very clumsy and tend to have ridiculous, small accidents.

Scratched my eyeball when I was exfoliating, thought I had water in my eye and rubbed it hard, then came out the shower with a literal lump on my eyeball

"Stabbed myself in the abdomen whilst peeling a parsnip"

@Goatblu I am in awe.

Slammed my own finger in the door of an ambulance as I got out to answer a 999 call and was transported to hospital in the back of my own ambulance having had to unlatch the ambulance door to get my finger out.....

Sorry everyone but this is the funniest thread for ages.

Staple-gunned my hand to a noticeboard, through the webbing between thumb and forefinger. That'll teach me to not look what I was doing properly.

I am by far the clumsiest person I know so there is always something 🙄 (I’m found my tribe on this thread! 🙌) But probably dropping a cereal bowl on my foot whilst getting it out of the dishwasher to put away. Ended up needing nail surgery on it and the whole nail having to grow back (obviously only after having to wait a whole pandemic first…)

Broke my ankle trying to bang pins & needles out of my foot.

Broke my toe by stubbing it on my husband. He was standing still in the kitchen whilst wearing army boots. I walked by him barefoot. Got little sympathy as I hopped around swearing, with tears of pain running down my face. Although he did pass me an icepack.

Not technically an injury but my sandal broke on the way to work, so I picked up some superglue from a shop round the corner. Sat at my desk (own office, luckily), I thought I could glue it back without taking it off. Glued my left hand to the right shoe as I am left handed . I had to use my right hand to reach round myself to the landline and call the tech services manager to bring me some solvent. It was like a weird game of twister. Yay for working in a science department and a lovely man who never told anyone.

It's a talent I have. I also had a bad burn on my hip from resting on a Yorkshire pudding dish I'd just taken out of the oven and placed on a worktop. I had to visit the nurse to have it dressed for days.