What's the most ridiculous way you have injured yourself?

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I'm incredibly clumsy and I think I might have broken my toe (the one next to the big toe). I pushed with my feet to scoot back on the sofa and the foot slipped forward but the toe somehow curled under my foot and got trapped. There was a nice crack noise and then the pain hit. The pain is unbearable when I stand or walk so I've come to bed early with pain killers, a book and a cup of tea.

So could anyone share a ridiculous injury to make myself feel less stupid?

Rushing to the loo when I got home from the airport, banged my ankle off the corner of the skirting board. Hobbled around on it for a week, turns out I'd fractured it.

Stabbed myself in the abdomen whilst peeling a parsnip. Fortunately it was only a paring knife.

Shut my finger in the car door and pressed the central locking. Too much pain to work out how to open the car. Broken finger.

Sliced open my forearm with a Stanley knife whilst cutting string in the garden. Fortunately neighbor was a district nurse so had steristrips in the car.

There are many. I'm a bit of a nightmare really.

Trod on a rake. I didn't know people really did that. Impressive wound.

Took a handful of pills but one didn't go down properly so I gagged on it. The momentum threw me forward and I banged my face on the basin. Impressive fat lip

Was head butted by a dog, 3 months later thought I better get the funny lights in my eye checked out. Detached retina surgery 2 days later and a month off work to recover!

I’m not sure what’s worse… that horrendous splinter or having a horse sit on your head 😬

Fell down a flight of stairs head first at a station and broke my big toe although didn't realise it at the time. Walked off a path and turned on my foot, still broken 10 months later

Every household needs to keep steristrips imo. Totally essential if you have young children.

Some of these stories are making my stomach do flips lol. 🤢🤣

Pushing down the recycling bin and slit my wrist on a tuna tin lid.

scrapping food off dinner plates into the bin to wash up when a plate completely split in two. One half of the plate fell on my foot cutting through the tendon on my big toe resulting in an operation to reattach the tendon.

Getting in the car too fast I head butted the side of the car door and split my head open.

I turned my ankle on a loose stone in a garden at a French garden festival. Broke the ankle, had to be carted off to hospital by the Fire Brigade.

It was the Garden of the Lucky Four Leaf Clover.🍀

Gave myself a paper cut on my eye ball with a birthday card.

The splinter definitely .

I tripped over my sofa once and dislocated my toe, also chopped the tip of my finger off opening a tin of tuna as a child.

Whilst leaving a building saw my bus pulling up outside so started running. I did remember to open the swing door, but did it so fast it swung back in my face and gave me a black eye.
Closed the car boot on my nose. Still have a scar from that one.
Didn't want to wake DD so attempted to go downstairs in the dark, completely missed a step, fell and landed on my dodgy knee ( dodgy due to an injury caused in a non stupid way). Could barely walk for a week.

Ooof, there’s a few.

Me and my brother used to play football in the living room when we were kids (with a soft squishy ball). I managed to kick the floor instead of the ball and broke my big toe. What with it being the 80s I was told it was my own fault, and I was too old/*female to be playing football… etc 🙄 When my toe had swollen to twice it’s normal size - and was an amazing array of technicoloured bruising - the next day, my parents had a quick look and said it was fine. Reader, it was not fine, it was the 80s, I couldn’t even get my shoe on.

As an adult, I was walking home from somewhere on a particularly windy day. I was day-dreaming, and as I walked from the shelter of a building, a strong gust of wind caught me by surprise, sent me off balance and I fell and sprained my wrist.

I also managed to sprain my neck in my sleep. No idea how 🤷‍♀️

Dislocated my left shoulder reaching behind me to get a toilet roll off the cistern. I have EDS and can dislocate various joints just by looking at them. I can usually relocate them equally as easily. Could I relocate my shoulder? Could I hell. Could the A and E staff? Nope. Ended up on some very interesting meds to relax my already crapped out shoulder joint enough for what DH describes as 'most of A and E' to relocate. And then ended up in ITU after the meds they had given me had finally worked (EDS and anaesthetic. IYKYK), I stopped breathing and had to be intubated.

ITU because of a toilet roll. FML.

Aged about 20 I was in a snowball fight with family and neighbours, slipped but didn't want to drop my snowball and smashed my front teeth on the kerb 🤣

Left a can of hairspray between my straighteners all day (straighteners were left switched on)…. came home and picked up the can and it exploded. Made a hole in my ceiling and just missed my eye! 🙃

Clever me stuck my finger in the wall light bulb holder to see if I could fit a wax candle in there, got a lovely zap from that.
You know that thing you do when you sit down and try and lift the chair closer to the table, I did that, sat down with my whole weight plus the solid wood chair onto my big toe.
More recently trying not to wake up too much, dark trip to the loo in the middle of the night, DS had put a small cupboard on the landing, I went forward but my little toe didn't, dislocated the poor thing. I cried.

On a very hot day I was wearing a vest top and shorts. The vest top was a little snug and rode up a bit. I remembered I needed to iron a shirt for the next day at work. Ironing board was wobbly and I ended up with a full iron length line burn line across my stomach.

'Luckily' being extremely accident prone, I am good at home treatment of wounds of all types.

Then there was the occasion the doctor was clearly suspicious I was self-harming the day after a blackberry picking trip....

I broke my wrist falling off a ladder trying to fix my garage door opener. I wanted to avoid the service charge for the repairman. I'm in the US and 20 years ago it cost $11,000 to fix my wrist.

Went to nip outside to put something in the outside bin, pulled my boots on but couldn't be bothered to do up the laces and left them trailing. Stepped out onto the doorstep and closed the door behind me. Took a step forwards without realising I had shut both sets of trailing laces in the door. Body moved forwards but feet stayed in the same place. Fell forwards like a tree being felled off the step and broke my wrist.

I remember one of these threads and someone said she trod on a frog, slipped and broke her ankle. Someone else replied to say they had done the same 😂

sneezed one morning and twinged my back, went to work and by the end of the day I could barely walk. Had to go and see the osteopath a few times to sort that one out

Not a serious injury but a very uncomfortable one. I slipped in a hotel bath and landed on a pumice stone which took the top layer of skin off my right buttock. Walking and all other activities were very painful for a good few days. Oh and I was on my honeymoon.

Its quite some time ago, but I can’t forget the time I had a white lemonade flavoured ice lolly. Took the wrapper off, shoved it in my mouth and the inside immediately stuck to the lolly and I couldn’t get it out. Ripped the skin off trying and my white lolly turned red. Ouch!

I was frying a slice of haggis in a pan and one of the oats popped and jumped out of the pan onto my eyelid. I developed a tiny blister of about 5 mm diameter which lasted a few days. It wasn't a massive injury but it felt quite ridiculous.