Is it so shocking that I dont have “the girls”?

[Sidebeforeself]

I was talking to a friend at the weekend - someone Ive known a long time but she is part of a couple rather than “my “ friend if you see what I mean. She made some comment about doing things with “the girls’ and I replied that I dont have that sort of a friendship group. She was really taken aback and I could see she felt sorry for me. I explained I have a decent number of friends but they dont know each other, dont live in same city etc so that kind of friendship is never going to evolve for me. She made me feel very unusual.

I must admit I do struggle to make friends and am actively trying to I make more but it left me a bit paranoid. Not least because when I then considered my other friends I realised they do have all female friendship groups! Am I weird? Am I missing out?!

I usually agree with you, but in this context I think ‘the girls’ makes sense and is quite sweet. ‘The women’ doesn’t have the same ring to it! I’ve also seen adult men call their friend ‘the boys’. I find it quite endearing.

I’m exactly the same as you and think it’s fine. My husband doesn’t have ‘the lads’ either, which is something I liked about him when we met.

If I was going out with my group of female friends for the evening and my dh said "who are you going out with"? and I responded "with the girls dh"! You would think less of me as a person? You would think I was childish, had never left the playground? That I and my friends have no authority, knowledge, life experience or the rights of adults. That I am insulting them?

Really?

I am not part of a girl group but have a few friends who are part of a group(s) and I hear from them about all of the effing drama/group politics. I used to think I would like this but am now older and wiser and don’t need group think in my life

Something about “the girls” gives me the ick.

I have never had a friendship group in that manner and I never aspire to!

Okay “ the girls” was just my shorthand for a group of female friends that you meet up with. That would rally round etc and know each other well

Anyway, back to the original question!

OP you absolutely shouldn't feel there's something amiss in you not having a group of female friends. I'm definitely a bit of an outlier in think in that I'm still close to the group of friends I went to school with and we meet up every few months, talk on the phone. I don't know anyone else who has this, we consider ourselves very lucky. Friends come in all forms and if you are happy with your social life who cares?

I do have a group of friends and we talk about having 'girls nights' though that mainly just means eating out together and can be lunch. In our 20s we socialised a lot more together. None of them live that close to me but near enough to meet for a few hours every couple of months. One is a friend from school, one a friend of another's uni friend and another an ex flat mate.

Overall I prefer meeting one to one anyway and have met up with all of them one to one, some more than others. We've kept up the contact for a very long time so I assume we will just continue to do so. I have other friends - some who know or have met members of this group, others who are completely separate. There's no right or wrong though!

I would think you were going out with a group of children and I would wonder why.

Why would it sound ridiculous?

I do think it's sweet when people have this. I've been in and out of some lovely mixed friendships for most of my life but wouldn't have a core 'girls' group. Maybe my best friends from Sixth form but we all live in different places now.
While I love the idea of a group of confidantes I could have regular sex and the city cocktails I'd probably resent the pressure of this commitment while I'm so so busy with primary school kids.

Okaaay.

No! I would find it stressful - I usually don't feel relaxed about balancing group dynamics, and I'm much happier with one on one social situations. I have three good friends - two know each other and we occasionally find ourselves in the same place at the same time - but they are generally very separate friendships.

My sister has 'the gang' and loves it, and sends endless photographs of their weekends away etc. but it looks hellish to me

I developed this late in life, and it was quite nice, but then one of them (who was the mutual friend for all of us originally) is prone to jealousy and drama, and fell out with me dramatically over hearsay, and I had no interest in chasing them to explain my innocence to save the friendship, and consequently I lost the group. The others did remain friends for a while, but without the group chat and group meet up, it was hard to maintain and it fizzled out. And honestly, I've really not felt any loss for it. In fact, it made me improve my small number of individual friendships that I'd had previously and I prefer it that way.

I find those with a close group like that are friendships made in school, and I didn't go to school where I live now.

And in some of my previous groups of friends some of 'the girls' have fallen out with each other and that has been awful /traumatic for all involved. I just can't deal with that these days.

I've never had a girl gang. I've got individual female friends which i prefer

I agree. I much prefer it. The last time I had a 'friend group' was at university. I don't miss it.

Dh: "who are you out with tonight"
Me: "The Women"

or conversely

Me: "who are you out with tonight?"
dh: "The Men"

Sounds ridiculous doesn't it?

If I answered "I'm out with my friends" DH would say "which ones"? Much easier to just say the girls and he knows exactly who I mean.

I can understand it may sounds unfamiliar if it isn't terminology you use due to not having a group of girlfriends. But it's how most people refer to their same sex friendship group and it's perfectly fine!

I'd be willing to bet that the friend who talked about "the girls" is living in or around her hometown and has lived there forever.

My girl friends are scattered about the place from different stages in my life. I once brought 3 together and it wasn't the best .....

If you have quality friends over quantity that’s what matters to me. If you have both then it’s a bonus but some girl groups can be not particularly close.

"The girls" to me sounds infantilising and so twee it's off the scale.
You have friends. Who are the same biological sex. To phrase it something like that is just childish. Like men going on about needing to hang out with 'the lads'.
Can't people just act like adults and have group or singular meetups with friends, of either sex, without categorising it like you're part of the 'cool gang' in secondary school?

I have two friends, and one is male, so I wonder what she'd make of me.

It's fine, as a PP said.
Sorry, I actually thought you were referring to your boobs.
😁🙄